H/T Old Tanker
Tuesday, 22 January 2008
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Monday, 21 January 2008
Extremely Early Bedtime Totty....
..after 24 hours in London I need an early night. Normal service will resume tomorrow.
This IS the quote of, maybe, the century!!!
'The Hero of Chappaquiddick' speaks.
Ted Kennedy on why he supports amnesty for those sneaking across the Rio Grande .
H/T Canis 61
The Bullshitter....
A guy walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check. He marched straight up to the counter and said, " Hi. You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job."
The social worker behind the counter said, " Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter. You'll have to drive around in his Mercedes, and he'll supply all of your clothes. Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips and you will have to satisfy her sexual urges.
You'll be provided a two-bedroom apartment above the garage. The salary is $200,000 a year."
The guy, wide-eyed, said, " You're bullshittin' me! "
The social worker said, " Yeah, well .. . you started it."
H/T LG Toles
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Sunday, 20 January 2008
Brief news....am off to London for 24 hours. So posting may be a tad erratic today.
Speaker Michael Martin's wife claims £50,000 in free flights to 'support' her husband. Who the f**k does she think she is!!
Blair accused of 'stabbing Hillary Clinton in the back' after supporting Republicans. A falling out of 'friends'. Blair will support who offers him the most lucrative prospects.
Government gets ready to expel 34 Russian spies - including diplomat who writes restaurants reviews. Here we go again...Cold War Part Deux.
Violent youth crime up a third. Thrash the little sods.
It seems it ain’t art if it ain’t ethnic. Clarkypoos latest.
As I am short of time this morning I recommend Jules and Maggie's Farm for all the latest news.
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Her best feature....
A young man moved into a new apartment of his own and went to the lobby to put his name on his mailbox.
While there, an attractive young lady came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes, wearing a robe.
The boy smiled at the young woman and she started a conversation with him.
As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she Had nothing else on. The poor kid broke into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact.
After a few minutes, she placed her hand on his arm and said, "Let's go to my apartment, I hear someone coming."
He followed her into her apartment; she closed the door and leaned against it, allowing her robe to fall off completely.
Now nude, she purred at him, "What would you say is my best feature?"
Flustered and embarrassed, he finally squeaked, "It's got to be your ears."
Astounded, and a little hurt she asked, "My ears? Look at these breasts; they are full and 100% natural. I work out every day and my butt is firm and solid. Look at my skin - no blemishes anywhere.
How can you think that the best part of my body is my ears?"
Clearing his throat, he stammered .... "Outside, when you said you heard someone coming.... that was me."
H/T Shelly
Saturday, 19 January 2008
AND THEY CLAIM EDUCATIONAL STANDARDS ARE RISING !!!! Part 1
UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE (BBC2)
Jeremy Paxman: What is another name for 'cherrypickers' and 'cheesemongers'?
Contestant: Homosexuals.
Paxman: No. They're regiments in the British Army who will be very upset with you.
BEG, BORROW OR STEAL (BBC2)
Jamie Theakston: Where do you think Cambridge University is?
Contestant: Geography isn't my strong point.
Theakston: There's a clue in the title.
Contestant: Leicester
BEACON RADIO ( WOLVERHAMPTON )
DJ Mark: For Pounds 10, what is the nationality of the Pope?
Ruth from Rowley Regis: I think I know that one. Is it Jewish?
UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE
Bamber Gascoigne: What was Gandhi's first name?
Contestant: Goosey?
GWR FM ( Bristol )
Presenter: What happened in Dallas on November 22, 1963?
Contestant: I don't know, I wasn't watching it then.
And these people are allowed to vote!!!
H/T Pete Hurrell
News.....
Kids told to bake PC pizza. Britain gets sillier by the day!!
Yob freed early to batter Susan. Hang the scumbag!
The debate over Afghan strategy. The Belmont Club has a good piece.
Iraq forces could control all provinces this year: U.S. About time too
Putin: the brutal despot who is dragging the West into a new Cold War. They lost the last Cold War and they will lose this one.
CIA launches hunt for international computer hackers threatening to hold cities ransom by shutting off power. The CIA couldn't find their own backsides.
Pint of beer 'may cost £4 within year'. It's only £1.60 at the Sailing Club.
Israel test-launches nuclear-capable missile. Target Tehran.
Unbelievable Numbers From Iowa
Here are some interesting numbers from the Iowa Caucuses.
If you listened to the Main Stream Media, there was a TERRIFIC TURNOUT for Democrats at the Iowa Caucuses AND MAJOR CHANGE is in the wind.
All FOUR of the TOP Republican Candidates EACH exceeded the TOTAL NUMBER OF VOTES CAST for ALL Democrats.
In fact, it appears that NO Democrats even bothered to show up in Nine of the 1781 Iowa Precincts. All 1781 Precincts reported Republican votes.
THERE WERE ALMOST 9 TIMES THE NUMBER OF VOTES CAST IN THE REPUBLICAN CAUCUSES VERSES THE DEMOCRAT CAUCUSES.
See the map HERE
H/T Shelly
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Friday, 18 January 2008
You couldn't make it up...with Nebraska Bob
Pensioner arrested and locked in cell for shouting at yobs who threw stones at ducks.
WPCs call for end to Simon Cowell-style trousers saying: 'They make our bums look big'
Do Squaddies' Online Videos Bring The Army Into Disrepute? No but it shows what a bunch of w**kers the MOD and MSM are.
Site of the day...
Rogue Gunner the thoughts of a Falklands Veteran. A great bloke who went there and did it.
45 Govt thinks thinks these are the sexiest zoomy things...
Can anyone give a clue as to why the crews called the Blackbird the HABU?
The McDonnell-Douglas F-4 Phantom II had several nick names including "The World's Largest Distributor Of MiG Parts", "Old Smokey", "The Big Ugly", and "America's Proof To The World That With Enough Power Even A Brick Can Fly".
This sums up the Demoncrats....
When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to be the boss.
The brain said, "since I control everything and do all the thinking, I should be the boss."
The feet said, "since I carry man where he wants to go and get him in position to do what the brain wants, then I should be the boss."
The hands said, "since I must do all the work and earn all the money to keep the rest of you going, I should be the boss."
And so it went with the eyes, the heart, the lungs, and all the other parts of the body, each giving the reason why they should be the boss.
Finally, the asshole spoke up and said it was going to be the boss.
All the other parts laughed and laughed at the idea of the asshole being the boss. The asshole got so angry that he blocked himself off and refused to function.
Soon the brain was feverish and could barely think, the feet felt like lead weights and was almost too weak to drag the body anywhere, the eyes grew bleary, and the hands hung useless at the sides. All pleaded with the brain to let the asshole be declared the boss.
And so it happened; all the other parts did all the work and the asshole just bossed and passed out a lot of crap.
THE MORAL: You don't have to be a brain to be a boss, just an old asshole.
Alternate moral: No matter how well things are going, it can all be shut down by a single asshole.
H/T 45 Govt
The Day the Penis asked for a Raise
I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons: I do physical labour. I work at great depths. I plunge headfirst into everything I do. I do not get weekends or public holidays off. I work in a damp environment. I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation. I work in high temperatures. My work exposes me to contagious diseases.
Sincerely, P. Niss
The Response:
Dear P. Niss,
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, The administration rejects your request for the following reasons: You do not work 8 hours straight. You fall asleep after brief work periods. You do not always follow the orders of the management team. You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations. You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working. You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift. You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing. You will retire well before you are 65. You are unable to work double shifts. You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed your assigned task. And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.
Sincerely, V. Gina
H/T Liz B
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