H/T Nebraska Bob
Saturday, 26 January 2008
News....
Tories say new business minister Baroness Vadera 'is not a fit and proper person for job'. The entire Labour party is unfit to govern.
The hero bear who went to war (and loved a smoke and a beer) Cool bear.
Robert Mugabe calls Zimbabwe elections. I wonder who will win!!!! Time for this crooked little despot to be overthrown.
Gordon Brown's handling of economy 'dismal'. Doh! I think we all know this.
CIA: Hackers shut down power to entire cities. Take your pick the Chinese or the Russians.
Iraqi PM announces Mosul offensive. Clearing out the garbage.
The Tata Nano is a safe bet for the developing world. James May on the cheapest car going.
'Last German veteran' of World War I dies. I think there is only one British one left.
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Friday, 25 January 2008
Twaddle...
'Changes needed' to Army training. Oh crap! The British Army is still the best in the world (despite the best efforts of Gordon Brown to destroy it.) Kicking the crap out of bad guys is a non-event. Only in todays PC world can this rubbish be news. There are no rules in war. You do not win a war without killing a shed load of people. We beat Germany and Japan by bombng the crap out of their citys. (they started it). We will not beat Islam or the Chinese without massive civilian casualties so get with it. Every century in mankinds history has been bloodier than the last and this one is shaping up to be a real dooozy!!
"Real Hollywood Heros" ...the ones you may not have heard about.
Alec Guinness operated a British Royal Navy landing craft on D-Day.
Donald Pleasance really was an R. A. F. pilot who was shot down, held prisoner and tortured by the Germans.
Charles Durning was a U. S. Army Ranger at Normandy earning a Silver Star and
awarded the Purple Heart. 
Charles Bronson was a tail gunner in the Army Air Corps, more specifically on B-29's in the 20th Air Force out of Guam, Tinian, and Saipan.
H/T 45 Govt
Apparently it's Burns Night...
..the one night of the year when the Scottish get to feel important!!!
Welcome to French working hours...
'FRIENDS of rogue trader Jerome Kerviel last night blamed his $7 billion losses on unbearable levels of stress brought on by a punishing 30 hour week.
Kerviel was known to start work as early as nine in the morning and still be at his desk at five or even five-thirty, often with just an hour and a half for lunch.
One colleague said: 'He was, how you say, une workaholique. I have a family and a mistress so I would leave the office at around 2pm at the latest, if I wasn't on strike. But Jerome was tied to that desk. One day I came back to the office at 3pm because I had forgotten my stupid little hat, and there he was, fast asleep on the photocopier. At first I assumed he had been having sex with it, but then I remembered he'd been working for almost six hours'.
As the losses mounted, Kerviel tried to conceal his bad trades by covering them with an intense red wine sauce, later switching to delicate pastry horns. At one point he managed to dispose of dozens of transactions by hiding them inside vol-au-vent cases and staging a fake reception.
Last night a spokesman for SócÃété Générálé denied that Kerviel was overworked'.
H/T Casasquirrels
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News....
Faulty Fridge Causes Aircraft Carrier To Turn Back. You couldn't make it up.
Romania gangs rounded up. About bloody time too.
The Cuprinol Kid resigns to spend more time with his suntan ...Littlejohn on 'Oh so Vain's' departure.
Romano Prodi resigns as Italy's prime minister. He won't be missed.
Taliban seize Nato supplies in Pakistan. We are going to have to start hitting them in Pakistan, whether we like it or not.
The British have made matters worse, says Afghan President. Ungrateful prick.
Third of Army helicopters fit for the front-line. An effing disgrace. time to start buying some more.
Bigfoot on Mars? NASA captures alien figure. Looks like Lord Lucan has been found!!
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AGELESS WIT AND OBSERVATIONS
"If you don't read the newspaper you are uninformed, if you do read the newspaper you are misinformed." Mark Twain
"Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress....
But then I repeat myself." -Mark Twain
"A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul."
- George Bernard Shaw
"Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner." -James Bovard, Civil Libertarian (1994)
"Foreign aid might be defined as a transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries." -Douglas Casey, Classmate of Bill Clinton at Georgetown University
"Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it." -Ronald Reagan (1986)
"I don't make jokes I just watch the government and report the facts." -Will Rogers
"If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free!" -P.J. O'Rourke
H/T Jeffrey Nihart
WITH A FIVE YEAR OLD, WHAT YOU SEE IS WHAT YOU GET:
Jake is 5 and learning to read.
He points at a picture in a zoo book and says,
"Look Mama! It's a frickin' Elephant!"
Deep breath ... "What did you call it?"
"It's a frickin' Elephant, Mama! It says so on the picture"
and so it does .. A f r i c a n Elephant.
H/T Don Emslie
Thursday, 24 January 2008
Who would play insurgent?
and..
Suicide bomber falls down stairs ...
H/Ts Mark Scott and Thomas Harris
A woman married three times walked into a bridal shop one day and told the sales clerk that she was looking for a wedding gown for her fourth wedding. "Of course, madam," replied the sales clerk, "exactly what type and color dress are you looking for?"
The bride to be said: "A long frilly white dress with a veil."
The sales clerk hesitated a bit, then said, "Please don't take this the wrong way, but gowns of that nature are considered more appropriate for brides who are being married the first time for those who are a bit more innocent, if you know what I mean? Perhaps ivory or sky blue would be nice?"
"Well," replied the customer, a little peeved at the clerk's directness, "I can assure you that a white gown would be quite appropriate. Believe it or not, despite all my marriages, I remain as innocent as a first-time bride. You see, my first husband was so excited about our wedding, he died as we were checking into our hotel.
My second husband and I got into such a terrible fight in the limo on our way to our honeymoon that we had that wedding annulled immediately and never spoke to each other again."
"What about your third husband?" asked the sales clerk. "That one was a Democrat," said the woman, "and every night for four years, he just sat on the edge of the bed and told me how good it was going to be, but nothing ever happened."
H/T Shelly
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Brief news...
Darling forced into £200m climbdown on capital gains tax. He must love being Gordon's stooge!!!
Farmer unveils illegal castle. Genius!
'Three Little Pigs CD' banned from Government-backed awards for offending Muslims and builders. I find liberals offensive, so can we 'ban' them?
Whisky-drinking Livingstone faces fresh scandal as aide quits over five-star freebie trip to Africa. He is going down!
Enough Clinton Incorporated. The ageing pitbull sinking his teeth into Barack Obama needs to be restrained.
Carla Bruni naked photographs published. These have been around for ages.
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Golf Joke
This morning, one of my regular golfing days, I got up early, put on my long johns, dressed quietly, made coffee, grabbed my clubs, slipped quietly into the garage, loaded my clubs into the car and proceeded to back it out into a torrential downpour.
There was snow mixed with the rain and the wind was blowing 50 mph. I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio for a few minutes and discovered that the weather would be bad throughout the day. I went back into the house, quietly undressed and slipped back into bed. There I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation and whispered huskily, 'The weather out there is terrible.'
She sleepily replied, 'I know. Can you believe my husband is out golfing in that shit?'
H/T Jeffrey Nihart
Simple Home Remedies
1. If you are choking on an ice cube simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat. Presto! The blockage will instantly remove itself.
2. Avoid cutting yourself slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold while you chop.
3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by using the shower.
4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.
5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.
7. You only need two tools in life - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.
8. Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
Daily Thought:
SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKYS. NOT REALLY GOOD FOR
ANYTHING BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN
PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS
H/T Nebraska Bob
Wednesday, 23 January 2008
THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Anaesthetist
4. Cinnamon
5. Chrysanthemum
THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Specificity
2. Rhipidistian-Amphibian Transition
3. Anti-constitutionalistically
4. Transubstantiate
5. Sphygmomanometer
THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
01. Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.
02. Nope, no more booze for me.
03. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
04. MacDonalds? No thanks, I'm not hungry.
05. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?
06. Oh, I couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing karaoke.
07. I'm not interested in fighting you.
08. Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I have no
co-ordination. I'd hate to look like a fool.
09. Where is the nearest toilet? I refuse to hurl in the street.
10. I must be going home now as I have work in the morning.
H/T 45 Govt
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