Vive L'Energie Atomique. Let's all go nuke.
H/T Shelly
Friday, 1 February 2008
P J O'Rourkes latest missive.....
Letter to Our European Friends. Everything you need to know about our presidential campaign.
H/T Shelly
WTF.....I am getting sick of this crap.
‘Don’t teach children patriotism’
H/T Ed Haskell & Brown Coat One.
Hee hee....
Although, since some of you weren't paying attention when it first appeared, it'll be a *new* joke to you.
Two Arab terrorists are in the locker room taking a shower (well -- this *is* a joke) after their bomb making class, when one notices the other has a huge cork stuck betwixt his nether cheeks.
“If I do not offend your tender sensibilities," says the observer, "that cork looks very uncomfortable. Why do you not remove it?"
“I regret that I cannot," laments the observed. "It is permanently emplaced within my sphincter."
"I do not understand," says the observer. "How came it to be there?"
The observed replies, "I shall endeavor to explain. I was walking along the riverbank and I tripped over a lamp of curious and ancient design. There was a puff of smoke and then a huge old man garbed in raiment of the flag of the Amriki with a white beard and top hat came boiling out. He said, "I am Uncle Sam, the Genie. I can grant you one wish."
I said, "No sh*t?"
Dedicated to the AQI-types hunkered down in Mosul.
P.S. Go take a nice stroll along the riverbank to settle your nerves...
H/T Mark Scott
Nice one...
Wizard pilot's 30 second rescue. A true hero.
The final escape for hero Jim. A sad loss.
H/T Liz B
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So this is what goes on in the 'Cockpit'.......
Caution: This video may contain boobies which some poor souls may find disturbing.
I love Liveleak.
Slow news day.....
Lib Dem MP storms out of Commons debate calling minister an 'a***hole'. Possibly the only accurate statement in Parliament this year.
British soldiers accused of torturing and abusing Iraqi prisoners who were captured in firefight. Should have just shot them. Oh and why is this crap turning up in a British Court.
Ex-SAS in 'coup plot' vanishes from prison. The British Government should hold Mugabe personally responsible for his safety. If one hair on his head is harmed Mugabe gets an airstrike (from the US 'cos we don't have any bombers). Actually The Marxist Monkey Mugabe should be given a air strike for the hell of it.
Senior al-Qa'eda leader reported dead. That's another one off the list.
Havoc on deadline: the Great Tax Crash. Ah too bad!!
Papers show Ken Livingstone used public servants in vote battle. Crooked little s**t.
Iraq's revival boosted as oil production rises to 2.4m barrels a day. Nice of the media t notice.
Free health care cost 'not known'. The chickens are coming home to roost. ust wait for the student grants to go tits up.
1,332,040 views and counting.....
Hillary's Clintorious continues to ride high. Credit must go to Bob and Tom for creating the original sketch and to www34w for knocking up the video. Pity he didn't put his site address on the vid!!!!!
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Leroy is a 20 year-old 5th grader. This is Leroy’s homework assignment.
He must use each vocabulary word in a sentence ..*
1. Hotel - I gave my girlfriend crabs, and the ho tel everybody.
2. Dictate - My girfriend say my dictate good.
3. Catacomb - I saw Don King at da fight the other night. Man, somebody get that catacomb.
4. Foreclose - If I pay alimony today, I got no money foreclose.
5. Rectum - I had two Cadillac’s, but my bitch rectum both.
6. Disappointment - My parole officer tol’ me if I miss disappointment they gonna send me back to the joint.
7. Penis - I went to the doctors and he handed me a cup and said penis.
8. Israel - Tito try to sell me a Rolex. I say, “man, it look fake.” He say, “Bullshit, that watch israel”…..
9. Undermine - There’s a fine lookin’ ho who live in the apartment undermine.
10. Acoustic - When I was little, my uncle bought me acoustic and took me to the poolhall.
11. Iraq - When we got to the poolhall, I tol’ my uncle, iraq, you break.
12. Stain - My momma in law stopped by and I axed her, “You plan on stain for dinner?”
13. Fortify - I axed this ho on da street, “how much?” she say “fortify.”
14. Income - I just got in bed wif da ho and income my wife.
H/T Mark Scott
Thursday, 31 January 2008
IRISH MEDICAL DICTIONARY
Anorexia: Polish Film Star
Artery: The Study of Paintings
Bacteria: Rear entrance to Cafeteria
Caesarean Section: Neighbourhood in Rome
Cauterize: Make eye contact with her
CATSCAN: Search for Kitty
Coma: Punctuation Mark
D&C: Where the U.S. Capitol is
Dilate: To live longer
Enema Not a friend
Fester: Quicker
Fibula: A small lie
Genital: Not a Jew
Hang Nail: Coat hook
Impotent: Distinguished - well known
Labour pain: Getting hurt at work
Medical Staff: Doctor's Cane
Morbid: A higher offer
NIT Rates: Cheaper than day rates
Outpatient: A patient who has fainted
Pap Smear: Paternity test
Pelvis: Cousin of Elvis
Recovery Room: Place to do upholstery
Rectum: The end
Secretion: Hiding something
Seizure: Roman Emperor
Tablet: A small table
Terminal illness: Getting sick at the Airport
Tumour: More than one
Urine: Opposite of 'you're out'
Varicose: Nearby
Vein: Conceited
H/T Liz B
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The News with Liz B, Canis 61 and Nebraska Bob....
Shell's 'obscene' £13.9billion profit is biggest ever by British company. Not half as obscene as the amount of tax we British pay on our fuel.
The baby snatchers: Judge orders social workers to hand back newborn child taken from hospital at 4am. Who the f**k dothese people think they are!! Sack them. Better still shoot them.
Asylum in the USA for Lionheart? Don't blame him.
NOW YOU CAN'T EVEN HAVE CHOCOLATE SAUCE ON YOUR ICE CREAM (WELL IT'S HEALTH AND SAFETY,) Hee hee, you have to laugh!
After the invasion of the grey squirrel, here's their brown Asian cousin...not for long.
Families will pay £2,600 more tax a year by 2012 to finance Chancellor's spending plans. Like hell we will....Brown will be long gone by then.
Another faux pas for Prince Philip as he mistakes Oscar star Cate for a DVD technician. Brilliant. Nice one Phil my.
Muslim schools to conduct own inspections. WTF...I was under the impression that I was living in a Christian Country!
Britain to have '9.1m immigrants by 2030'. And a Mosque on every bloody street corner.
Online tribute to Winston's Little Army. Another bunch of heroes.
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Once a Pun a Time....part 2
16. She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.
17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
18. If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.
19. With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
20. When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
21. The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
22. You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
23. Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.
24. He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
25. Every calendar's days are numbered.
26. A lot of money is tainted It t'aint yours and it t'aint mine.
27. A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
28. He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
29. A plateau is a high form of flattery.
30. A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at
large.
31. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
32. Once you've seen one shopping centre, you've seen em mall.
33. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
34. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
35. Acupuncture is a jab well done.
H/T Shelly
Wednesday, 30 January 2008
Once a Pun a Time...part 1
1. Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine.
2. A backward poet writes inverse.
3. A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
4. Dijon vu: the same mustard as before.
5. Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.
6. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
7. Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.
8. Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
9. Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.
10. Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.
11. When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
12. A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired.
13. What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway.)
14. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
15. In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.
H/T Shelly
News....
Clarkypoos ‘is secret sex idol’. And I hear the hamster is popular with the gay community!!
Russia's most famous - and glamorous - female bodyguard killed... What a waste.
More than 1m people could lose homes in credit crunch, warns City watchdog. The slump begins......greed has a downside.
£1,000bn cost of retired State workers – that's £43,000 for every family. Welcome to the 'welfare state'. Britain is facing bankrupcy thanks to the state sector. We need to halve it NOW.
BBC blunder as bosses forget to build prayer room for new Arabic TV channel. Why the f**k are they having an Arabic Channel in the first place.
Islamic extremist gang 'plotted to kidnap British Muslim soldier and behead him like a pig'. Hang the Islamoscum!
Iraqis use YouTube to send up life in war zone. Good old Torygraph, catches up with the rest of us in the end.
Army helicopters fire on looting gangs in Kenya. That's Kenya written off. I call in the Kofi effect! Just see what Mugabe gets up to while everyone is watching Kenya.
Robert McCartney's family still suffering. Justice seems to have gone AWOL.
A most interesting document has come into our possession. Samizdata on ID cards. ( H/T UCV)
Stephen Bruton - "Waiting for a Long Time"
"Bastard that he quit smoking, aye? Ended up with lung and throat cancer anyway. Not looking good.
Good fellow. Has run bands and produced for everyone from Kristofferson to Bonnie Raitt to John Cougar to work on Tom Petty records....the list would be longer than you'd want to scroll. I hope he gets better." Tom Harris
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