Army runs out of machine guns. Some heads in the MOD and Government need to roll for this. I wish the Army would run out of patience and overthrow the government.
Remember this.....
Revealed: British plan to build training camp for Taliban in order to get them to switch sides. Ok. Which effing idiot dreamt this up. Only a civil Servant can display this level of stupidity.
'Don't mention Islamic extremists': Government phrasebook tries to avoid upsetting Muslims. So calling them Murdering Islamic Scum is a no no!!
Labour to strip rural voters of their right to stop green belt destruction. It is time the armed forces and us rural types combined to take down this Government.
BBC apologises for 'offensive' Gardeners' Question Time debate about plant called 'black man's willy'. Only in Britain!
The V2 kindergarten: British fury as Germans name school after maker of WWII terror rocket. Is this where we all start singing 'Ten German Bombers' again.
Police farce: Damming report finds officers lose SIX MILLION hours a year to red tape. And another 5 million hours are spent eating donuts and practising the art of onanism!!
Fears over Russian nuclear threat to UK. Right now we have bigger problems that Putin's willy waving!!
Air gun teacher told she can work again. Someone send her an AR15 or an AA12. I think a Barratt would be to big for her!!!!
Simba Makoni to stand against Robert Mugabe. I don't see Mugabe lasting much longer. Pity someone hasn't linched the bastard!!
Taleban warlord Baitullah Mahsud is new public enemy No1. We are not going to win this unless we hrow away the rule book! We will eventually have to nuke them! Can anyone dream up a virus that only kills people of cerain races and tribes? I bet someone somewhere is already working on Genetic Weapons. Let's hope it is our side.
Wednesday, 6 February 2008
News.....
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A man asked a waiter to take a bottle of Merlot to an unusually attractive woman sitting alone at a table in a cozy little restaurant. So the waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said, 'This is from the gentleman who is seated over there.' and indicated the sender with a nod of his head.
She stared at the wine coolly for a few seconds, not looking at the man, then decided to send a reply to him by a note. The waiter, who was lingering nearby for a response, took the note from her and conveyed it to the gentleman. The note read:
'For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank, and 7 inches in your pants'.
After reading the note, the man decided to compose one of his own in return. He folded the note, handed it to the waiter and instructed him to deliver it to the lady. It read:
'Just to let you know things aren't always what they appear to be, I have a Ferrari Maranello, BMW Z8, Mercedes CL600, and a Porsche Turbo in my several garages; I have beautiful homes in Aspen , Miami , and a 10,000 acre ranch in Louisiana. There is over twenty million dollars in my bank account and portfolio. * But, not even for a woman as beautiful as you are, would I cut off three inches. Just send the bottle back.'
H/T LG Toles
Tuesday, 5 February 2008
Joke of the Year?
G. W. Bush and Bill Clinton somehow ended up at the same barbershop. As they
sat there, each being work done by a different barber, not a word was spoken. The barbers were both afraid to start a conversation, for fear it would turn to politics.
As the barbers finished their shaves, the one who had Clinton in his chair reached for the after shave. Clinton was quick to stop him saying, 'No thanks, my
wife Hillary will smell that and think I've been in a whorehouse'.
The second barber turned to Bush and said, 'How about you?'
Bush replied,
'Go ahead, my wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like'.
H/T Nebraska Bob et al.
The News.....
Plane promises day trip to Oz. Stuff it full of bombs......I always felt that Concorde's military applications were ignored.
Pensioner in parking row 'died after attackers used police computer to track him down'. Hang them!
Find a job or lose your council house, Labour tells out of work tenants. I like this new Neo-Fascist idea from Labour. They are desperate to try and clean up all the mess they have made of this country. Too late!
Prince Andrew attacks US for failing to listen to Britain on Iraq. Idiot...
Rapists and killers are to be paid 'wages' for lounging in their cells. Bring back the death penalty! Then they can be paid to 'hang' around in their cells.
France given green light to intervene in Chad. If is goes anything like their their 'intervention' in Vietnam they shouldn't bother.
Iran's gas shortages plague Ahmadinejad. It would be even better if one or two of their petrol refineries were to 'catch fire'.
'Adultery' sisters to be stoned to death in Iran. Islam the 'woman friendly' religion.
So long to the thong as women reject the chav look for big pants. Good to look good in a thing you need to have a fantastic ass. Anyway as these ladies show proper knickers can look good.
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22 WAYS TO BE A GOOD DEMOCRAT....Super Tuesday repost.
1. You have to be against capital punishment, but support abortion on demand.
2. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.
3. You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than U.S. nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese and North Korean communists.
4. You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding.
5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by documented cyclical changes in the earth's climate and more affected by soccer moms driving SUV's.
6. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial but being homosexual is natural.
7. You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.
8. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach fourth graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.
9. You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but activists who have never been outside of San Francisco do.
10. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.
11. You have to believe that Mel Gibson spent $25 million of his own money to make 'The Passion of the Christ' for financial gain only.
12. You have to believe the NRA is bad because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.
13. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.
14. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, Thomas Edison, and A.G. Bell.
15. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides are not.
16. You have to believe that Hillary Clinton is normal and is a very nice person.
17. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried is because the right people haven't been in charge.
18. You have to believe conservatives telling the truth belong in jail, but a liar and a sex offender belonged in the White House.
19. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag, transvestites, and bestiality should be constitutionally protected, and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.
20. You have to believe that illegal Democrat Party funding by the Chinese Government is somehow in the best interest to the United States.
21. You have to believe that this message is a part of a vast, right wing conspiracy.
22. You have to believe that it's okay to give Federal workers the day off on Christmas Day but it's not okay to say 'Merry Christmas.'
H/T Shelly
The Pope Visits Alaska
The Pope took a couple of days off to visit the rugged mountains of Alaska for some sightseeing. He was cruising along the campground in the PopeMobile when there was a frantic commotion just at the edge of the woods. A helpless Democrat, wearing sandals, shorts, a 'Save the Whales' hat and a 'To Hell with Bush' T-shirt, was screaming while struggling frantically and thrashing around trying to free himself from the grasp of a 10-foot grizzly. As the Pope watched in horror, a group of Republican loggers came racing up. One quickly fired a 44 magnum into the bear's chest. The other two reached up and pulled the bleeding, semiconscious Democrat from the bear's grasp. Then using long clubs, the three loggers finished off the bear and two of them threw it onto the bed of their truck while the other tenderly placed the injured Democrat in the back seat. As they prepared to leave, the Pope summoned them to come over.
'I give you my blessing for your brave actions!' he told them. 'I heard there was a bitter hatred between Republican loggers and Democratic environmental activists but now I've seen with my own eyes that this is not true.'
H/T Jeff H
As the Pope drove off, one logger asked his buddies 'Who was that guy?'
'It was the Pope,' another replied. 'He's in direct contact with Heaven and has access to all wisdom.'
'Well,' the logger said, 'he may have access to all wisdom but he doesn't know squat about bear hunting! By the way, is the bait holding up, or do we need to go back to Massachusetts and get another one?
Monday, 4 February 2008
Lil Billy in the buff.......as 'endorsed' by Miss Lewinski!!!
Clicking this may put you off your dinner!!
Two aliens landed in the Australian desert near a gas station that was closed for the night. They approached one of the gas pumps and the younger leaned over and addressed it saying,
"Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader." The gas pump, of course, didn't respond.
The younger alien became angry at the lack of response, and the older alien said, "I'd calm down if I were you."
The younger alien ignored the warning and repeated his greeting, again there was no response.
Annoyed by what he perceived to be the pump's haughty attitude, he drew his ray gun and said impatiently, "Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Do not ignore us this way! Take us to your leader or I will fire!"
The older alien warned his comrade saying, "You don't want to do that! I don't think you should make him mad."
"Rubbish," replied the cocky, young alien. He aimed his weapon at the pump and opened fire. There was a huge explosion. A massive fireball roared towards them and blew the younger alien off his feet and deposited him a burnt, crumpled mess about 200 yards away in a cactus patch. About a half hour passed. When he finally regained consciousness, he refocused his three eyes and straightened his bent antenna and looked dazedly at the older, wiser alien who was standing over him shaking his big, green head. "What a ferocious creature!" exclaimed the young, fried alien. "He damn near killed me! How did you know he was so dangerous?"
The older alien leaned over, placed a friendly feeler on his crispy friend and replied, "If there's one thing I've learned during my intergalactic travels, when a guy has a dick he can wrap around himself twice and then stick it in his ear, you don't want to mess with him!"
H/T 45 Govt
Theo's Tech Tip....
The WM Converter is a great piece of kit that allows you to change video formats. So when you 'borrow' an FLV file from a site you can convert it to Windows Media and upload to You-Tube etc. It is unlimited unlike most that only allow you 3 goes or a month of use.
Light news.....
Fury as foreign prisoners get luxuries. Deport them in shackles NOW.
Female Muslim medics 'disobey hygiene rules'. Boot them out as well.
Why families are £1,000 a year worse off since 2002 thanks to Labour taxes and interest rates. Throw in inflation at about 10% and things are going to get bad.
PRICE OF FOOD SOARS TO ALL-TIME RECORD. You are telling me!
Thousands of sick soldiers and resignations leave British Army running out of men. Gordon Brown must beheld responsible for destroying Britain Military. It is tantamount to treason.
Ban gas-guzzling cars, says ex-Shell boss. W**ker!!
Kennedy's kiss of death for Barack Obama. He has probably been bought off by the Clintons.
And I am not sure Obama will be thankful for the support of this bunch!!
...and finally: The French Stewardess can't seem to keep her kit on!! Caution Boobies.
Medical alert...!!!!!
Many men are buying "black market" Viagra pills from Mexican mail-order drug stores.
The U.S. Food and Drug Administration announced that several of these pharmacies are mixing the Viagra with ground up Mexican Jumping Beans. 
H/T Don Emslie
