1. Open a new file in your computer.
2. Name it ' Hillary Rodham Clinton '.
3. Send it to the Recycle Bin.
4. Empty the Recycle Bin.
5. Your PC will ask you. 'Do you really want to get rid of ' Hillary Rodham Clinton ?'
6. Firmly Click 'Yes.'
7. Feel better?
GOOD - Tomorrow we'll do Nancy Pelosi.
H/T Don Emslie
Tuesday, 19 February 2008
HOW TO START EACH DAY WITH A POSITIVE OUTLOOK:
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Blonde suicide...
A blonde hurried into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off.
'How did this happen?' the emergency room doctor asked her.
'Well, I was trying to commit suicide,' the blonde replied.
'What?' sputtered the doctor. 'You tried to commit suicide by shooting off your finger?'
'No, Silly,' the blonde said, 'first I put the gun to my chest, and then I thought, I just paid $6,000.00 for these implants. I'm not shooting myself in the chest.'
'So then?' asked the doctor.
'Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought, 'I just paid $3,
000.00 to get my teeth straightened. I'm not shooting myself in the mouth.'
'So then?' asked the doctor.
'Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: 'This is going to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in my other ear before I pulled the trigger.'
H/T Thomas Harris
Monday, 18 February 2008
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AIRPLANES VS WOMEN
Airplanes can kill you quickly; a woman takes her time.
Airplanes can be turned on by a flick of a switch.
Airplanes don't get mad if you 'touch and go.'
Airplanes don't object to a preflight inspection.
Airplanes operate inverted.
Airplanes come with manuals to explain their operation.
Airplanes have strict weight and balance limits.
Airplanes can be flown any time of the month.
Airplanes don't come with in-laws.
Airplanes don't care about how many other airplanes you
have flown before.
Airplanes and pilots both arrive at the same time.
Airplanes don't complain if you hose them down.
Airplanes don't mind if you like to look at other airplanes.
Airplanes can get high without throwing up.
Airplanes expect to be tied down.
Airplanes don't comment on your piloting skills.
Airplanes don't whine unless something is really wrong.
However, when airplanes go quiet, just like a woman, it's a bad thing.
Just Remember, if its got wings, wheels, or tits it's gonna give you problems!
H/T Shelly
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Cool music for a cool vid....
Runway at Auckland Airport is cut up and lifted out. A new base is prepared for thicker concrete to be laid.
Slow news day so far.
Armed Forces employ 7,000 foreigners. They need all the help they can get.
'Air Miles Martin', the Speaker investigating MPs' expenses, broke his own rules to get his family cheap breaks. Sack the scumbag. He is unfit to lick my boots.
Why was Hilary Benn's family home saved from the sea while the nearby harbour was abandoned? Another socialist crook.
Finally, big interest in little Scottish island. Sadly petty cash is a bit short at the mo!!
Blue collars may keep the chill off for Hillary Clinton in US primaries. Don't bet on it. Althought the benefit dependent working classes have kept socialism going for years.
Al Fayed to attend Diana inquest. Expect lies, lies and more lies from this dodgy little arab!!
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A crusty old man walks into the local First Baptist Church and says to the secretary, "I would like to join this damn church."
The astonished woman replies, "I beg your pardon, sir. I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?"
"Listen up, damn it. I said I want to join this damn church!"
"I'm very sorry sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated in this church."
The secretary leaves her desk and goes into the pastor's study to inform him of her situation. The pastor agrees that the secretary does not have to listen to that foul language.
They both return to her office and the pastor asks the old geezer, "Sir, what seems to be the problem here?"
"There is no damn problem," the man says. "I just won $200 million bucks in the damn lottery and I want to join this damn church to get rid of some of this damn money. "
"I see," said the pastor. "And is this bitch giving you a hard time?"
H/T Pete Hurrell
Grounded by the EU.....what the Luftwaffe failed to do.
EU Commission Bans Dakota Pleasure Flights From 16 July 2008. A ridiculous piece of petty bureaucracy. This website does not recognise the authority of the EU and would like others to do the same.
H/T Lady Jane
March 20th, the Man's Day...
Every 14th of February you get the chance to display your fondness for your wife or girlfriend by showering her with gifts, flowers, dinner, shows and any other baubles that women find romantic.
Secretly...guys feel left out. That's right...left out. There's no special holiday for the ladies to show their appreciation for the men in their life. Men as a whole are either too proud or just too embarrassed to admit it. This is why a new holiday has been created.
March 20th is now officially 'Steak, Blow Job & Shut the Hell Up Day.'Simple, effective and self-explanatory...this holiday has been created so you ladies can have a day to show your man just how much you love him.
No cards, no flowers, no special nights on the town the name of the
holiday explains it all...just a steak, a BJ & shut your mouth for the
rest of the day! That's it!
This twin pairing of Valentine's Day and Steak, Blow job & Shut the Hell Up Day will usher in a new age of love as men everywhere will try THAT much harder in February to ensure a more memorable March! It's like a perpetual love machine.
The word is already spreading, but as with any new idea, it needs a little push to start the ball rolling.
H/T Thomas Harris
Sunday, 17 February 2008
Editors note re Youtube.
If some of the YouTube videos do not play properly it is down the the You Tube servers not this site. Where possible I will try to use others hosts so to avoid this.
New sharia row over Chancellor's plans for 'Islamic bonds'. So the Government are going to sell Britain to the Islamoloonies.
Northern Rock 'To Be Nationalised'. Billions of taxpayers money wasted supporting a dodgy bank and it's Labour voting clients while our servicemen are dying due to equipment shortages. And this just to bury the story above,
How much more blood can Brown get on his hands.
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Beware of socialism and nannystaters:
"Of all tyrannies, a tyranny exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It may be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end, for they do so with the approval of their own conscience." ~ CS Lewis
H/T Mark Scott
Outsourcing.....
...in all fairness the Indian call centers are a damn site more helpful than the British ones.
H/T Pete Hurrell
The Sunday Best...
MoD fury as Brown wields axe. Military coup time. The military need to take matters into their own hands. It is the only way to save themselves and Britain.
UK's last 1,000 soldiers rushed out to Balkans. Give the idiots at the MOD an old Lee-Enfield and send them instead. They won't be missed.
Nato should not offer a free ride to parasites. As some of us have been saying for a while. Nice of the press to wake up.
Top psychiatrist concludes liberals are clinically nuts! Ok lets go round them all up!!
Iranians urge Dutch to ban film. Hopefully the Dutch will tell them where to go.
Diplomatic crisis looms as French bugs 'discovered in UK Defence Minister's office'. Ze notty leetle Froggies!!!
Britain braced for the big freeze with temperatures set to drop to -9 overnight A tad nippy, what!!!
Blinker Brown: Well, that's Tony's nickname for you anyway Gordon. I prefer 'The Caledonian C**T!!'
China mounts dissident assault before Games. Which idiot's gave the Olympics to China? Oh yes the same ones who gave them to Britain!! China doesn't deserve them and we can't afford them.
Anti-foxhunting campaign is ban's real victim. Tally ho. A bunch of leftie scum put in their place by the 'Countryfolk'. Never tell an Englishman what he canor can't do. We don't like it!!
Stolen Victoria Crosses recovered. The thieves should be sent to Afghanistan to learn a bit of respect for our fighting men!
Egypt shocked by 'foul-mouthed' Gaza cousins. Palestinian pigs!! Israel should push them into the sea, a sort of Gadarene Swine for the noughties!!
Cherie Blair backs £10,000 wage for prisoners. Moronic bitch!
Falklands hero backs soldier’s payout battle. A f**king disgrace.
Outgoing BAE Systems chief Mike Turner warns of defence spending risk to Britain. As BAE are incapable of delivering anything on time or budget I think he should shut up. Name one BAE contract that has come in on time and on budget! We won't discuss whether the kit works or not when we get it.
War hero told: You can't have jabs to save sight until you are blind in one eye. Another f**king disgrace.
Do-or-die Hillary turns bully as Obama starts to pull away. It's going to get dirty.
'Retrain ex-troops' as teachers. Poor sods don't deserve that. Instead of imposing suffering onto our ex servicemen send the bloody yobs to Iraq and Afghanistan. Let's see how bloody tough they are when being shot at!
Terrorists recruiting on net via Facebook. The bastards get everywhere.
The Republican Fisherman
A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him,"Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."
The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, "You're in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude."
She rolled her eyes and said, "You must be a Republican."
"I am,"replied the man. "How did you know?"
"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to do with your information, and I'm still lost.
Frankly, you've not been much help to me."
The man smiled and responded, "You must be a Democrat."
"I am,"replied the balloonist. "How did you know?"
"Well," said the man,"you don't know where you are or where you are going. You've risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a
promise that you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but, somehow, now it's my fault."
H/T Chad
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Definitions of Sex!!
The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex.
* This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone and you both have
sex until you are blue in the face.
The 2nd kind of sex is called: Kitchen Sex.
* This is when you have been with your partner for a short time and you
are so needy you will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.
The 3rd kind of sex is called: Bedroom Sex.
* This is when you have been with your partner for a long time. Your sex
has gotten routine and you usually have sex only in your bedroom.
The 4th kind of sex is called: Hallway Sex
* This is when you have been with your partner for too long. When you
pass each other in the hallway you both say "screw you."
The 5th kind of sex is called: Religious Sex,
* Which means you get Nun in the morning, Nun in the afternoon and Nun
at night.(Very Popular)
The 6th kind is called Courtroom Sex.
* This is when you cannot stand your wife any more. She takes you to
court and screws you in front of everyone.
And; Last, but not least,
The 7th kind of sex is called: Social Security Sex,
* You get a little each month. But not enough to enjoy your self.
H/T Pete Hurrell et al
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