So it's a bit late.
Thursday, 21 February 2008
A bit of news....
Beeb ‘slurs’ on Iraq heroes. The BBC now has to 'invent' bad news from Iraq. Their terrorist sympathys are well known.
'Brain drain' sees 1 in 10 highly skilled emigrating from Britain - more than any other country. You can hardly blame them.
Hillary Clinton 'has 12 days to get her campaign back on track'. She is wounded but sadly not fatally.
Britain's FEMALE Spitfire pilots to receive badge of courage at last. About bloody time too. As usual it is too late for many of them.
Britain's defence spending is a disgrace. Someone's head has got to roll. Make that many heads. The neglect of our forces is treasonous.
Out-of-control satellite destroyed over Pacific. Nice shot.
Ban sale of cheap alcohol, Tesco urges Brown. Hypocrites. Having got people 'hooked' on cheap booze the now want to put up the price. Tesco's concern is profit driven.
'Put Bengali on par with French' says Ofsted. F**k off. Make the immigrants learn English for a start.
MEPs 'expenses abuse' hushed up by Brussels. Another bunch of effing crooks we can do without.
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PERKS OF BEING OVER 50
1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
3. No one expects you to run--anywhere.
4. People call at 9 pm and ask, Did I wake you????
5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
7. Things you buy now won't wear out.
8. You can eat supper at 4 pm .
9. You can live without sex but not your glasses.
10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.
13. You sing along with elevator music.
14. Your eyes won't get much worse.
15. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.
17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.
19. You can't remember who sent you this list .
H/T Pete Hurrell
Wednesday, 20 February 2008
HOW TO SAVE THE AIRLINES
Dump the male flight attendants. No one wanted them in the first place.
Replace all the female flight attendants with good-looking strippers! What the hell -- They don't even serve food anymore, so what's the loss?
The strippers would at least triple the alcohol sales and get a "party atmosphere" going in the cabin. And, of course, every businessman in this country would start flying again, hoping to see naked women.
Because of the tips, female flight attendants wouldn't need a salary, thus saving even more money. I suspect tips would be so good that we could charge the women for working the plane and have them kick back 20% of the tips, in cluding lap dances and "special services."
Muslims would be afraid to get on the planes for fear of seeing naked women. Hijackings would come to a screeching halt, and the airline industry would see record revenues.
This is definitely a win- win situation if we handle it right -- a golden opportunity to turn a liability into an asset.
Why didn't Bush think of this? Why do I still have to do everything myself?
Sincerely,
Bill Clinton
H/T Jeffrey Nihart
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The NLOS ChallengeStop Blair
Some people based in France have set up an Internet based Petition to stop Tony Bliar from getting the Job as EU President it doesn't matter whether you are pro or against the EU, vote and leave a message at www.stopblair.eu
H/T AJD Shootist
News....
Murderers and rapists left to roam Britain after CPS lose data disc. The Home Secretary must go. As must most of the idiots at the Home Orifice. The British Public should no longer tolerate this incompetance.
Migrants will have to pay 'entry' tax and learn English before winning passport. So they won't bother with formalities and just slip in through our porous borders. How hard can it be to secure an island. Napoleon and Hitler failed it get across the channel yet hundreds of thousands on illegals seem to manage it without a prob.
Speaker Michael Martin fights to save his job as Labour MPs revolt over his 'diabolical' handling of Parliamentary debates. Kick him out. Back to the gutter where he came from.
Price of a pint to hit £4 and chocolate and pizza will cost you more too. Anyone want to guess the 'real' rate of inflation.
Website hosts Britain's First World War records. Should be fascinating.
Departments lack expertise to manage budgets. They couldn't manage a bowel movement.
Northern Rock shows why Conservatives can't bury this Government. Of course the fact that they are bloody useless doesn't help.
Nato troops called in as mobs torch checkpoints on Kosovan border. Here we go again!!
HILLYBILLY DAYVORCE
A hillbilly farmer who wanted to get a divorce paid a visit to a lawyer.
The lawyer said, "How can I help you?"
The farmer said, "I want to get one of them dayvorces."
The lawyer said, "Do you have any grounds?"
The farmer said, "Yes, I got 40 acres."
The lawyer said, "No, No, you don't understand, Do you have a suit?
The farmer said, "Yes, I got a suit, I wears it to church on Sundays."
The lawyer said, "No, no, I mean, do you have a case?"
The farmer said, "No, I ain't got a Case, but I got a John Deere
The lawyer said, "No, I mean, do you have a grudge?"
The farmer said,"Yes, I got a grudge, that's where I parks the John Deere."
The lawyer said, "Does your wife beat you up or something?"
The farmer said, "No, we both get up at 4:30."
By now the lawyer is getting frustrated but tries one last question.
The lawyer said, "Is your wife a nagger?"
The farmer said, "No, she's a little white gal, but our last child was a nagger and that's why I wants a dayvorce"
H/T Pete Hurrell
Sheriff Grady Judd
In Florida, a man who was pulled over in a routine traffic stop ended up killing the traffic cop who stopped him. The deputy was shot eight times, including once behind his right ear at close range. Another deputy was wounded and a police dog killed. A statewide manhunt ensued. The man was found hiding in a wooded area with his gun. SWAT team officers fired and hit him 68 times. The media asked why they shot him 68 times. Polk County Sheriff Grady Judd (pic), told the Orlando Sentinel...
"That's all the bullets we had!"
He even has his own website.
Borrowed fron Iain
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Four Religious Truths...
During these serious times, people of all faiths should remember these four religious truths:
1. Muslims do not recognize Jews as God's chosen people.
2. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
3. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian world.
4. Baptists do not recognize each other at Hooters.
H/T Shelly
These 16 Police Comments were taken off actual police car videos around the country:
16 "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through."
15 "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while."
14 "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."
13 "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
12 "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you."
11 "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"
10 "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"
9 "Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."
8 "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"
7 "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."
6 "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."
5 "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."
4 "How big were those 'two beers' you say you had?"
3 "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."
2 "I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."
AND THE WINNER IS....
1. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't.. Sign here .
H/T Shelly
Tuesday, 19 February 2008
Chronic Marine Syndrome by BGen Mike Mulqueen USMC (Ret)
Symptoms to look for are:
1. Pride in oneself and the organization they represent.
2. A strong willingness to put in extra attention to detail to get the job done.
3. May wear articles of Marine clothing; T-shirts, jackets, watches, well into their 80's.
4. Will not hesitate to stand up or put their hand over their heart, or even salute when the National Anthem is played.
5. Does not succumb easily to political correctness.
6. Is sure of who they are.
7. Is often either respected or hated by others, due to their abilities and talents.
8. May donate toys to needy kids at Christmas.
9. Some have been known to wear their hair in a high and tight well into their 90's.
10. Will look you in the eye when talking to you.
11. Will give you a firm handshake.
12. Knows what honor, courage and commitment mean.
13. Can usually be found in some type of leadership position in whatever organization they work for.
14. Will often regard their drill instructors with the same respect as their parents.
15. Often found in either law enforcement or various professions.
16. Is extremely thorough at what they do.
17. Does not wear a bunch of patches to adorn their uniform. Their title of Marine is often sufficient.
18. Often arrives at work earlier than expected. If they wear a shirt and tie in their job, you might see the tie clip. between the third and fourth button centered.
19. Had spent time training at one of two places; Parris Island or San Diego.
20. May be able to field strip their rifle, up to 60 years after leaving active duty.
21. Can recite the nomenclature of the M1, M14 or M16.
22. May often have his pencils sharpened to a perfect precision point.
23. Will not back down from a fight.
Other symptoms include willingness to take on a challenge and maintaining a positive attitude in the face of adversity.
Yes, CMS is real, and very hard to treat. The person with this condition often utters phrases such as Once a Marine always a Marine, or OooooRah. Some may even say Semper Fi on many occasions. It is best if you know someone with this condition to just leave them be. These people tend to be fiercely loyal to the Marine Corps.
Folks, this condition, although not curable can be treated. Some successful treatments have included;
1. Frequent visits to the base where they last served or looking at their Marine memorabilia
2. Get them around other Marines to help them flourish. They need other Marines who have shared the same experiences
3. Have them get memberships in organizations such as the Marine Corps League, The Marine Corps Association, Together We Served or have them join www.leatherneck.com
4. Some may require extra special attention such as buying items from grunt.com or watching movies about the Marine Corps, this is only natural and nothing to be afraid of.
Whatever you do, remember that Chronic Marine Syndrome must be managed carefully. For example: In Michigan, a young man attempted to mug a Marine Korean War veteran who had advanced stages of chronic Marine Syndrome. It wasn't pretty! The mugger was severely beaten and required multiple stitches.
Remember folks, Chronic Marine Syndrome is real, while there may not be a cure, we can live with it.
Any questions, please see your local Marine. or go to 1-800-IMA-Marine for more information.
Thank you for your time.
Warning: Risks of Chronic Marine Syndrome may include a severe ass whippin' to those who attempt to start a fight with Marines. Remember not everyone gets this condition; onset often occurs after being given the title Marine, since a select few earn this title, not everyone will develop CMS.
H/T Mark Scott
Bubba...
Bubba goes to the tent revival and listens to the preacher. After a while, the preacher asks anyone with needs to come forward and be prayed over.
Bubba slowly rises from his chair and gets in line.
When it's his turn the preacher says, "Bubba, what you want me to pray about?"
Bubba says, "Preacher, I need you to pray for my hearing."
So the preacher puts his right finger in Bubba's right ear and his left hand on top of his head and prays a while. Then the preacher puts his left finger in Bubba's left ear and his right hand on top of his head and prays some more.
After a few minutes, the preacher removes his hands and says, "Bubba, how's your hearing now?"
Bubba says, "I don't know, preacher; it ain't till next Wednesday."
H/T 45 Govt
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Lindsay Lohan Photoshoot .....Caution Boobies!!
Recreating a famous Monroe shoot
Lindsay Lohan Photoshoot - Watch more free videos
News....of sorts.
Phillip's a Nazi, Camilla's a crocodile AND Diana was murdered, but I'm not mad, insists Mohamed Al Fayed. The Phoney Fakir is at it again. Boot the asshole out of Britain.
A million quid is not enough: Natasha should have asked for MORE to present this rubbish. Like I said the other day. The most fatuous tart on telly.
Councils conduct 'chainsaw massacre' on trees over health and safety fears. Stick preservation orders on all of them.
Back to the future with Vatman and Dobbin...Littlejohn let's rip.
Defeat looms for Pervez Musharraf in Pakistan. Do we have a plan for dealing with this?
Beheading plot leader may never be freed. Just execute him. There will be no shortage of volunteers.
Alien species 'wreck world's oceans and rivers'. And liberals are threatening mankind.
New golf terms
Golf has given us some unusual and colorful terms to describe shots such as "shank", "chili-dip", "skull", "duck-hook", "worm-burner", etc.
Here are come new ones to add to your vocabulary.
A "James Joyce" - a putt that's an impossible read.
A "Rock Hudson" - it looked straight, but wasn't.
A "Saddam Hussein" - from one bunker into another.
A "Yasser Arafat" - butt ugly and in the sand.
A "John Kennedy Jr"., - didn't make it over the water.
A "Rodney King" - over-clubbed.
An "O.J. Simpson" - got away with it.
A "Princess Grace" - should have used a driver.
A "Princess Di" - shouldn't have used a driver.
A "Paris Hilton" - a very expensive hole.
A "Rush Limbaugh" - a bit too far to the right.
A "Nancy Pelosi" - way too far to the left.
A "Barbra Streisand" - ugly but still working.
A "Teddy Kennedy" - goes in the water, but jumps out.
H/T Shelly
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