1. DON'T SWEAT THE PETTY THINGS AND DON'T PET THE SWEATY THINGS.
2. ONE TEQUILA, TWO TEQUILA, THREE TEQUILA, FLOOR.....
3. ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION.
4. IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES, WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND APES?
5. THE MAIN REASON SANTA IS SO JOLLY IS BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHERE ALL THE BAD GIRLS LIVE.
6. I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, 'WHERE'S THE SELF-HELP SECTION?' SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.
7. WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?
8. IF A DEAF PERSON SWEARS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH SOAP?
9. IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF, IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?
10. IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?
H/T Nebraska Bob
Friday, 2 May 2008
For those who love the Philosophy of Ambiguity... part 1
Stats pron....
..I have never before posted the stats for the site but it is time to give a progress report. Sitemeter and Google Analytics are about 5% lower. We seem to be ticking along nicely with a great regular reader base. If anyone has ideas as to how we should proceed bung us a comment. By US standards we are still quite small but by UK standards I think we are doing quite well.
CARRIER | Flight Deck Danger | PBS...
...I was going to post a lot of these, but have decide that it is better for you guys to go to the PBS site so you can watch the whole episodes. See them all HERE.
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News.....
Saddam signed my 'Most Wanted' ace. A novel souvenir!!
Boris Johnson and Red Livingstone neck and neck in race to become London Mayor. Expect ballot rigging in the Socialist areas.
Greetings from Peterborough: Hello Muddah, Hello Faddah. Littlejohn gets funny.
Rise of the girl drunks: Arrests of young women for drunkenness leap 50 per cent in five years. A sad indictment of our times.
Chinese build secret nuclear submarine base. It is not so secret now. China and the US will have a shooting war at some stage.
Veteran Terry Wogan is still top of the morning. The best show on Radio anywhere in the world.
Barack Obama turns to wife to win back voters. And a fat lot of good that will do. To beat the Clintons you have to be meaner, dirtier and a whole lot more evil.
Mugabe declares run-off in defiance of Electoral Commission. He thinks he might win it. Don't bet on it. This time the world is watching his violent campaign of suppression.
US air strikes succeed in killing top al-Qaeda terrorist in Somalia. Bye bye!!
Dear Friends and Relatives:
We have the distinguished honor of being on the committee to raise $5,000,000.00 for a monument of Hillary Clinton's heroic stand under Bosnian sniper fire.
We originally wanted to put her on Mt. Rushmore until we discovered there was not enough room for two more faces.
We then decided to erect a statue of Hillary Clinton in the Washington, DC Hall Of Fame. We are having a bit of difficulty as to where the statue should be placed. It was not proper to place it beside the statue of George Washington, who never told a lie, or beside Jesse Jackson & Barak Obama, who never told the truth, since Hillary Clinton could never tell the difference.
We finally decided to place it beside Christopher Columbus, the greatest Democrat of them all.
He left not knowing where he was going, when he got there, or where he was. He returned not knowing where he had been, and did it all on someone else's money.
If you are one of the fortunate people who have anything left after taxes, we expect a generous contribution to this worthwhile project.
Thank you,
Hillary Clinton Monument Committee
P.S. The Committee has raised $1.35 so far.
P.P.S And another thing... Now let me get this straight. Bill Clinton is getting $12 Million for his memoirs. His wife Hillary got $8 million for hers. That's $20 million for memories from two people, who for eight years repeatedly testified, under oath, that they couldn't remember anything.
God Bless America!
H/T Shelly
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Thursday, 1 May 2008
My Investment tips for 2008....
For all of you with any money left, be aware of the next expected mergers so that you can get in on the ground floor and make some BIG bucks.
Watch for these consolidations in 2008:
1.) Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush, and W R. Grace Co. Will merge and become: Hale, Mary, Fuller, Grace.
2.) PolygramRecords, Warner Bros., and ZestaCrackers join forces and become:
Poly, Warner Cracker.
3.) 3M will merge with Goodyear and become: MMMGood.
4. ZippoManufacturing, AudiMotors, Dofasco, and Dakota Mining will merge and become: ZipAudiDoDa.
5. FedEx is expected to join its competitor, UPS, and become: FedUP.
6. Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers will become: Fairwell Honeychild.
7. Grey Poupon and Docker Pants are expected to become: Poupon Pants.
8. Knotts Berry Farm and the National Organization of Women will become: Knott NOW!
And finally...
9. Victoria 's Secret and Smith &Wesson will merge under the new name:
Titty Titty Bang Bang
H/T Jeffrey Nihart
A man, getting along in years, finds that he is unable to perform sexually.
He goes to his doctor who tries a few things, but nothing seems to work.
Finally, as a last hope, the doctor refers him to an African medicine man.
The medicine man says, "I can cure this."
With that said, he throws a white powder into a flame, and there is a Flash with billowing blue smoke.
Then he says, "This is powerful healing but you can only use it once a year.All you have to do is say '123,' and it shall rise for as long as you wish!"
The man then asks, "What happens when it's over, and I don't want to continue?"
The medicine man replies, "When your partner can take no more sex and is completely raddled, all she has to say is '1234', and it will then go down. But be warned, the pork sword will not rise again for another year.."
The old gent rushes home, anxious to try out his new powers. That night he showers, shaves and smothers himself in aftershave.
He slides into bed, cuddles up to his wife, says "123" and suddenly he has the most gigantic stiffie ever, just as the medicine man promised.
His wife turns over and asks, "What did you say "123" for?!"
H/T Pete Hurrell
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News...
Travellers build a £12,000 hall at illegal camp - with taxpayers' cash, and without planning permission. MOAB them. The ultimate site clearance.
How your computer keyboard is FIVE TIMES dirtier than your toilet seat - and could even give you 'qwerty tummy'. Just how many people will use this an excuse to get off work if we ever get a sunny day.
Global warming could stop NATURALLY for ten years,' say scientists. Shhh don't tell Gore.
150 bail hostels built in secret. Not so secret now. Another nail in Labour's coffin.
US sends second carrier to the Gulf. A couple more may come in handy!
Kenyans live in squalor as government spends millions on ministries. Another corrupt African Government.
Mugabe 'accepts that Morgan Tsvangirai won'. It doesn't mean he is going to go. Someone should start to monitor money movements from Zim to Switzerland et al. Mugabe and his cronies must have their accounts frozen.
Gordon Brown set to fight for his future after poll. What effing future.
Credit crunch to deliver £16bn squeeze on Chancellor's tax plans. Brown has bankrupted us and must be held to account.
Undecided Democratic elite remind Barack Obama that victory is not in the bag. The Clintons have too much on too many. They will bully, blackmail and buy off Hillary's opponents.
Getting to Know John McCain. Karl Rove on the next President.
But How Many Mahdi Army Fighters Were Killed?. Lots, but not enough.
PBS PREVIEWS: CARRIER......
....I will be posting as much of theis series as possible. This clip is 26 mins long so you may need refreshments!!
H/T Maggie's Farm
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Wednesday, 30 April 2008
Geronimo.....
A paratrooper leaps from the back of a Joint Task Force-Bravo CH-47 Chinook helicopter over the Tamara Drop Zone, the site of this year's Iguana Voladora 2008. The airborne exercise is Joint Task Force-Bravo's largest joint and combined training event developed to strengthen regional cooperation and security between countries of the Americas. Photo by Tech. Sgt. William Farrow
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