Wednesday, 14 May 2008
Daily Chassis....
...if anyone has a better pic involving pasties and chassis bung it over. I was short of time.
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News.....
The £2.7billion U-turn: How bottler Brown tore up his own budget to buy off 10p tax rebels. Don't worry he will find another way to raise the money because he needs it.
War veteran, 96, has rubbish uncollected for two weeks for 'crime' of putting two jars in wrong bin. Disgusting. What do expect from the socialist pricks of Norwich City Council.
Hillary Clinton will 'fight until the bitter end' after landslide win in West Virginia. Oh goody. Nothing like the Demoncrats ripping themselves apart to give us some entertainment.
Cherie Blair 'should be ashamed of herself', says Dr David Kelly's brother-in-law. The money grabbing bitch has no shame.
Half of Armed Forces seriously under strength. This needs fixing NOW. The Tories should be doing far more to pressure the Government in increasing spending. The Military should mount a coup and rescue us all from the dross of political classes.
Sorbonne student admits to career in porn. this story needs some serious research!!!
Ambassador Andrew Pocock seized as he investigates violence in Zimbabwe. The best excuse we are going to get to send in the troops.
Elephant accosts Swiss tourists driving through South African game park. A Swiss Roll.....
Ahmadinejad: Israel to be 'swept away soon'. He is going to need a bigger broom!!!!!!
What terrible things does Global Cooling cause? Maggie's Farm have the answers.
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One day Superman was feeling a bit horny. So he asked his super hero friends for ideas on where he could get a bit of action. 'Hey Batman! Who's good in the sack?'
'Well Superman, everyone knows that Wonder Woman is the best sex in comic land. Why don't you try her?' replied Batman
'I'd love to, but Wonder Woman and I are friends. So I don't really want to take advantage of her.'
'Damn shame.' said Batman as he waved goodbye to Superman and drove off.
Ten minutes later Superman was flying low over a city when he saw the Green Lantern.
'Hey Hal, I'm looking for a little action. You're a swinging bachelor, who's the best babe in comic land?'
'Hey, Superman! Everyone knows that Wonder Woman is far and away the best lay in comic land, why don't you try her?'
'Well, we're sort of friends,' Superman said, 'but I didn't realise she had gotten around so much.' And he flew off in frustration
Twenty minutes later Superman was flying over a field when he saw Wonder Woman lying naked, in the middle of the field, with her legs apart.
Superman was tempted. He thought to himself, 'I'm faster than a speeding bullet, I can be in and out of there before she even knows I'm here.'
So with a blur and a sonic boom he was down, in and gone. Wonder Woman stared up into the sky with a dazed expression. 'What the hell was that?' she exclaimed.
'I don't know,' said the Invisible Man as he rolled off, 'but my ass is killing me.'
H/T Killem
Tuesday, 13 May 2008
Hardy Drew and the Nancy Boys and 'There's no-one as Irish as Barack O'Bama' make it to 'HardBall'.....
...just remember you saw it here first. Congrats to Ger and the lads. You should watch this Letterman at the beginning is funny.
A repost for those who haven't seen it.
A man wakes up one morning to find a bear on his roof. So he looks in the yellow pages and sure enough, there's an ad for 'Bear Removers.' He calls the number, and the bear remover says he'll be over in 30 minutes
The bear remover arrives, and gets out of his van. He's got a ladder, a
baseball bat, a shotgun and a mean old pit bull.
'What are you going to do?' the homeowner asks?
'I'm going to put this ladder up against the roof, then, I'm going to go up
there and knock the bear off the roof with this baseball bat. When the bear
falls off, the pit bull is trained to grab his testicles and not let go. The
bear will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back
of the van.' He hands the shotgun to the homeowner.
'What's the shotgun for?' asks the homeowner.
'If the bear knocks me off the roof, shoot the dog.'
H/T Shelly
Question for the Day: When is topless not topless?
More to the point could young ladies get away with it in the High Street, if so it could be a great summer!!!!!!
Click to see why.
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G.M.L.R.S Firing out of Fob Robinson-Afghanistan
I would like to think that that was not the whole years supply going out in one go, but under Labour I would not be surprised.
And this is how the then Defence Secretary described our mission....
News.....
Now every family faces a tax for old age - and the middle classes could pay twice. What the f**k is National Insurance for? It shows how badly thought out the welfare state was. No-one took into account that people would start to live longer.
Labour plummets towards civil war as battered Brown's closest ally launches counter attack on PM's critics. Tally ho!!! Keep on stirring.
Thousands of known illegal immigrants STILL got National Insurance numbers, admit ministers. Get rid of the Home Office. It is a joke.
The giant 6ft cow that is as big as a small elephant. More on Cherie Blair!!!
Now cannabis dealers will escape jail despite government pledge for tougher punishments. All drug dealers should get the death penalty.
Hospital left one nurse in charge to run ENTIRE ward over bank holiday weekend. 'Unforeseen staff sickness': Translation. 'Nice weather let's all f**k off to the beach.'
If surrounded by armed bastards, don't shoot! Littlejohn lets rip. The question really is 'Why did plod wait 6 hours before shooting the twat?'
House prices fall worst since 1978, says RICS. House prices may go down as well as up!!
Queen begins first Turkey visit for 37 years. Which Foreign Office Fairy dreamed this up. Turkey cannot be trusted and must not be allowed into the EU, I am not entirely sure they should be in NATO. (Actually I am not sure we should stay in either organisation the EU is a joke and what's the point of NATO if over half the members cannot be bothered to turn up!)
Lebanon: Army to 'impose order' on Hizbollah. Hillary has more chance of being President!!
Serious Organised Crime Agency abandons hunt for crime lords. Oh bloody marvellous. Park on a yellow line it's into clink. Run the Mafia and it's Club Med all the way!!
Time to reclaim our streets....
Bloodshed on the streets. Repeal the handgun ban and bring back the death penalty. Better still.......bring on the Judges!!
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A driver is stuck in a traffic jam going into Downtown Chicago. Nothing is moving north or south.
Suddenly a man knocks on his window.
The driver rolls down his window and asks, 'What happened; what's the hold up?'
'Terrorists have kidnapped Hillary Clinton, Barak Obama, Rosie O'Donnell, Jesse Jackson, and Al Sharpton. They are asking for a $10 million ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them with gasoline and set them on fire. We are going from car to car, taking up a collection.'
The driver asks, 'On average, how much is everyone giving?'
'About a gallon.'
H/T Peter Gunn
TAKING A WOMAN TO BED
At 8 -- You take her to bed and tell her a story.
At 18 -- You tell her a story and take her to bed.
At 28 -- You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed.
At 38 -- She tells you a story and takes you to bed.
At 48 -- She tells you a story to avoid going to bed.
At 58 -- You stay in bed to avoid her story.
At 68 -- If you take her to bed, that'll be a story!
At 78 -- What story??? What bed??? Who the hell are you???
H/T Pete Hurrell
Monday, 12 May 2008
Greedy bitch......
Labour's outrage over Cherie Blair's 'money-grabbing' memoirs. Is there anything she won't do for money.
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