Friday, 16 May 2008
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Light news.....
From hijacker to airport cleaner. You couldn't make it up!!
Oil price rise tax windfall 'is enough to scrap October's 2p rise in petrol duty'. Dream on, the Gov needs every penny it can scrape together.
Euro 2008: al-Qa'eda threatens terrorist attack. Another threat from the cave-dwellers.
Texas invaded by 'crazy Raspberry' ants. Well it makes a change from Mexicans.
Files linking Hugo Chavez to rebels 'not faked'. He is a bug that needs squashing.
Rioting Rangers fans ‘threat to England’s World Cup bid’. We don't want the World Cup and after the farce of the Olympics we will never be allowed to host anything again.
McCain: I will win Iraq, kill bin Laden and start President's Question Time. Not unless he gets rid of the State Department and all the rest of the Beltway Bozos who cock everything up. Whitehall is the same, nothing but an expensive nuisance.
Computers and Women
After years of research, scientists have discovered that women do not like the standard mouse given away with PC's. Scientists found that there is not a physical reason for their aversion; It is more of a Psychological problem.
Some women reported that their mouse 'just didn't feel right' in their hands. Based on the research, a new mouse has been designed especially for women.
Various field tests have been carried out on the new design:
Julie from Hounslow said - 'It feels so much better. More comfortable, more like how it's supposed to be'
Susan from Chelmsford added - 'I think mice were originally designed just for men, but this new type is definitely made for women. It fits right in with my lifestyle'
Hillary from Kent said - 'I took to it like a duck to water, every woman should have one'! 
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Grandma's logic....
The doctor that had been seeing an 80-year-old woman for most of her
life finally retired. At her next checkup, the new doctor told her to bring a
list of all the medicines that had been prescribed for her. As the young
doctor was looking through these, his eyes grew wide as he realized she had
a prescription for birth control pills.
"Mrs. Smith, do you realize these are BIRTH CONTROL pills?"
"Yes, they help me sleep at night."
"Mrs. Smith, I assure you there is absolutely NOTHING in these that could
possibly help you sleep!"
She reached out and patted the young Doctor's knee. "Yes, dear, I know that. But every morning, I grind one up and mix it in the glass of orange juice that my 16 year old granddaughter drinks..................................And believe me, it helps me sleep at night."
You gotta like Grandmas
H/T Jeffrey Nihart
Thursday, 15 May 2008
Re Emails......
...thanks to all who have sent me emails this week. I have a backlog and promise to get to them as soon as I can.
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News...
The gipsy brothers who ran over and killed a father-of-two as he tried to stop them stealing his car radio. Hang them!
Police must put public safety first and end health and safety 'nonsense', say Tories. We still have a police force!!!!
Anger as sleaze watchdog rules £4,000 taxi bill for Speaker's wife was 'not excessive'. Make her pay the bill herself, and boot her cretinous oik of a husband out of the Speakers Chair.
Rocketman flies over Alps with jet-pack strapped to his back. Strap on a couple of Hellfires and then we are talking.
Tesco bans parents from buying alcohol if they are with their OWN children. Another reason not to shop at Tesco, as if you needed one.
Iraqi insurgents use eight-year-old girl as suicide bomber. Welcome to Islam.
Gordon Brown: I am staying until next election. That's what he thinks.
Demise of al-Qa'eda in sight, US official says. A tad optimistic considering we have been 'at war' with Islam for about 1500 years and will continue to be until either Christianity or Islam is left.
Mankind is the 'Earth's biggest threat'. No shit!! I am sure Mother Nature will smack us down when she is ready.
Austrian man brutally murders entire family with axe. What is it with Austrians?
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African Humour.....
Mdedeleni is buying a TV and asks "Do you have colour TVs?"
"Sure" says the assistant.
Mdedeleni replies "Give me a green one, please."
..........................................................
Having lost his donkey Mdedeleni got down to his knees and started Thanking God.
A passer-by saw him and asked "Your donkey is missing; what are you thanking God for?"
Mdedeleni replied "I am thanking Him for seeing to it that I wasn't riding the donkey at that time, otherwise I would have been missing too!
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Mdedeleni got his 4th child. He fills data in the birth certificate.
Mother: Xhosa.
Father: Zulu
Kid: Chinese.
"How come you write 'Chinese' when both parents are Black?"
"Aah" says Mdedeleni "I read in a newspaper that every 4th person born in the world now is Chinese!"
H/T M Kohl
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The Wife Test......
....probably not a good idea to pin this to the fridge door!!
Click to enlarge.
H/T Jeffrey Nihart
Wednesday, 14 May 2008
PTSD-urple Heart
Jules Crittenden has all the gen.
I am sure that this will be of interest to Rogue Gunner a Falklands vet and good friend who suffers from it. He wrote a very good book on the subject.
Latest Superdelegate Defection for Hillary
In what some Democratic Party insiders are calling a particularly ominous sign for Hillary Clinton's presidential campaign, former president Bill Clinton today became the latest superdelegate to switch from Sen. Clinton to her rival, Sen. Barack Obama (D-Ill).
Sources close to the former president said that Mr. Clinton had been mulling such a defection for weeks, as early as the night of the Iowa primary, but that he only decided to make his decision public today.
"The American people want change," Mr. Clinton said at a press conference in New York. "Lord knows I do."
The former president said that "sometimes, at the end of a race, you have to put an old horse down," adding, "I'm not speaking metaphorically."
Mr. Clinton fueled speculation that he was seeking a role in an Obama administration, saying, "I know my way around the Oval Office, and I know how the super-secret double-lock works."
The former president said he would relish a return to the White House, calling his tenure there "good times."
For her part, Sen. Clinton said that the defection of her husband would not deter her from staying in the race, adding, "To my knowledge, he's the only white voter Sen. Obama has."
The New York senator denied that she was playing the race card, arguing, "Every other member of my family is supporting me, and by the way, they're white."
Borrowed from HERE
H/T Shelly
A woman scanned the guests at a party and spotted an attractive man standing alone. She approached him.
'My name is Carmen,' she told him.
'That's a beautiful name,' he replied, 'Is it a family name?'
'No,' she replied. 'I gave it to myself. It reflects the things I like most -- cars and men.'
'What's your name?' she asked.
He said, 'B. J. Titsenbeer'
H.T Jeffrey Nihart
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