Wednesday, 11 June 2008
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
Thought for the day..........
'A taxpayer voting for Barrack Obama or Hillary Clinton is like a chicken voting for Colonel Sanders.'
H/T Shelly
Light News...
£230. That's how much Department for Culture spent promoting St George's Day in FIVE years. What did expect from Labour. They hate everything that Britain stands for.
The West is becoming 'obsessed with Islam,' Vatican warns. Next he will say that the Islamonazis are misunderstood.
Petrol sales fall 20pc as drivers feel the pinch. Less demand means more supply which means lower prices, doesn't it!
Tories warn of more Euro expenses time bombs. Is anybody looking at the Labour MEPs expences or is it be nice to Labour week.
Tesco refuses to sell BBQ sauce to woman without ID. I know Tesco think that they own Britain but this is pathetic.
Scandal as ally of Ahmadinejad acccuses old guard of corruption. Imadinnerjacket v the Mullahs. This could be fun
Pig in Boots. Ahhhh
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
The FBI had an opening for an assassin.
After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there were 3 finalists; two men and a woman.
For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.
'We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair . . . Kill her!!'
The man said, 'You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife.'
The agent said, 'Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home.'
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for a bout 5 minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, 'I tried, but I can't kill my wife.'
The agent said, 'You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.'
Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping the sweat from her brow.
'This gun is loaded with blanks' she said. 'I had to beat him to death with the chair.'
MORAL:
Women are crazy. Don't mess with them.
H/T Jeffrey Nihart
Ahhhh.....
Staff Sgt. Chad Ryan, a Sterling, Ill., native, is greeted by a cow while taking a break during a patrol, May 12 in the East Anbar province, northwest of Baghdad. Ryan is a mortar section sergeant assigned to Headquarters and Headquarters Company, 1st Battalion, 27th Infantry Regiment “Wolfhounds,” 2nd Stryker Brigade Combat Team “Warrior,” 25th Infantry Division, Multi-National Division – Baghdad. (U.S. Army photo/Staff Sgt. J.B. Jaso III)
Burial at Sea......
Bubbles and Barbie, two blonde sisters had promised their Uncle, who had
been a seafaring gentleman all his life, to bury him at sea when he died. Of
course, in due time, he did pass away and the two blondes kept their promise.
They set off from Clearwater Beach with their uncle all stitched up in a burial bag and loaded onto their rowboat. After a while Bubbles says, 'Do you think we're out far enough, Barbie?'
Barbie slipped over the side and finding the water only knee deep said, 'Nope, not yet Bubbles'.
So they row a little farther.... Again Bubbles asks Barbie, 'Do you think we're out far enough now?
Once again Barbie slips over the side and almost immediately says, 'No, this will never do, the water is only up to my chest.'
So on they row and row and row, and finally Barbie slips over the side and disappears. Quite a bit of time goes by and poor Bubbles is really getting worried when suddenly Barbie breaks the surface, gasping for breath she says,
'OK, it's finally deep enough. Hand me the shovel.'
H/T Nebraska Bob
Tuesday, 10 June 2008
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
News....
What kind of war crimes trials does Obama plan? The kangaroo kind.
Life on Mars: Back to the 70s as standard of living falls, food and fuel costs soar and strikes increase. That's what happens when you let socialist run things.
Council killjoys warn children of dangers of crabbing - the CRABS get distressed. Oh dear. Norfolk's made the news at last.
Two Navy destroyers unable to fire their missiles - because they've been removed to save cash. Shouting bang will work. the Army have been doing it for ages.
Formula 1 TV commentator's 'pikey' quip provokes race equality row. A good Norfolk boy. He should have used the preferred term of 'F**king Dids'.
Israel's ambassador says Britain has become a hotbed of radical anti-Israeli feeling. Londonistan is thriving.
Chavez ends support of Farc rebels. The evidence of his support for them is out so he is running for cover.
Mugabe regime to rig parliament with arrests. True to form and still we do nothing.
American gun owners call for cowboy holsters to be worn in public. And why not. Pity we can't do it over here.
Gordon Brown slides to record poll low as crucial vote looms. A challenge must come soon. I bet he can't wait until the summer recess.
Robert Mugabe's thugs turn to burning people alive. Is anyone going to stop him?
News veteran Poivre d'Arvor is overtaken by blonde Ferrari. Not quite as hot as Melissa Theuriau but a lot better than Kaplunk.
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
Funnies....
I went for a job interview as a blacksmith yesterday, he said "Have you ever shoed a horse?"
I said "No, but I've told a donkey to f*ck off."
What's long and hard and makes women groan?
An Ironing Board.
I work for the Samaritans. I tried to call in sick this morning but they talked me out of it...
What's green and smells like yellow paint?
Green Paint.
The other day I phoned my local pizza delivery firm and asked for a thin and crusty supreme.
They sent me Diana Ross
H/T Roi Milburn
Monday, 9 June 2008
Theo's Birthday Bums....
..and as it is my birthday I reserve the right to post all sorts of rubbish in the next few hours.
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
Song of the Day: Petula Clark Colour My World
This song is being used in an ad for dodgy sofas and it has been stuck in my head for days.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
