H/T Mark Scott
Wednesday, 25 June 2008
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Whatever happened to.......frilly tennis knickers?
Shagapova is wearing shorts and screaming a lot.
Her boy friend must be deaf!!
A fleeing Taliban, desperate for water, was plodding through the Afghanistan desert when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he hurried toward the object, only to find a little old Jewish man at a small stand selling ties.
The Taliban asked, 'Do you have water?'
The Jewish man replied, 'I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie? They are only $5.'
The Taliban shouted, 'Idiot! I do not need an over-priced tie. I need water! I should kill you, but I must find water first!'
' OK,' said the old Jewish man, 'it does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie and that you hate me. I will show you that I am bigger than that. If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find a lovely restaurant. It has all the ice cold water you need. Shalom.'
Muttering, the Taliban staggered away over the hill. Several hours later he staggered back, almost dead.
'Your f***ing brother won't let me in without a tie!'
H/T Javatrader
Stuttering Animals....
A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students. 'Human beings are the only animals that stutter', she says.
A little girl raises her hand 'I had a kitty-cat who stuttered', she volunteered.
The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl to describe the incident.
'Well', she began, 'I was in the back yard with my kitty and the rottweiler that lives next door got a running start and before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!'
'That must've been scary', said the teacher.
'It sure was', said the little girl. 'My kitty raised his back, went 'Fffff, Fffff, Fffff'...
............and before he could say ' fuck off' , the Rottweiler ate him’!
H/T Pete Hurrell
'U.S. [Navy] Airship Los Angeles [ZR-3] moored to ship first time. The U.S.S. Patoka, first U.S. Navy dirigible tender, steaming up Chesapeake Bay from Baltimore with the U.S. Los Angeles, lastest addition to the U.S. air fleet, moored to its mast. It was the first ship-mooring test of the former ZR-3 and lasted 55 minutes, being curtailed because of storm warning, January 16, 1925'...Credit: unknown (Smithsonian Institution)
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Light News....
Labour 'faces going bust as Brown deters donors'. As they have wrecked Britain they bloody deserve it.
Train police to use common sense, says chief constable. You could also try employing people who have an IQ bigger than their shoe size!
We're eating Zimbabwe's food... as its people starve. There again if the farms were not exporting food they would have been handed to Mugabe's cronies years ago and now would not be producing anything. The white farmers would have been killed or driven out of Zimbabwe. The only solution is to Kill Mugabe.
'Deadly diseases could escape from laboratories because of Government funding neglect'. And they want to appoint a 'minister' to protect us. Try appointing someone who knows what they are doing.
Outrage over £200m UK investment in Zimbabwe. If we didn't the Chinese would and while Mugabe must be destroyed the future of the country must be protected by investment from the west not the f**king Chinese who have 'invested' in Sudan and Burma with some fairly genocidal results. When Mugabe goes the 'junta' must also go otherwise there could be a Chinese supported military government in Zim (there are already Chinese troops in Zimbabwe patrolling the streets in some areas) and that could actually be worse than the present carnage.
Dozens of murder cases at risk after collapse of hitman trial. We need to start electing judges as the present system of appointing them is giving us a bunch of liberal fools who put 'prisoner's rights' before the safety of the public. As for anonymous witnesses they should be allowed if there is a threat to their safety except where they are the accuser.
Zimbabwe: Barack Obama wades into African politics. But can he find Zimbabwe on a map? Actually the US needs to wake up to the threat of China's 'empire building' in Africa.
Al-Qaida Leader Killed in Mosul. Scratch another one.
An almost unfathomable ignorance of history. A good piece.
Gear mistake flattens sports car. The BBC spoke to the driver of the Toyota, but he said he was "not in the mood to give interviews".
The ACORN Obama Knows. Michelle Malkin on some dodgy lefties.
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ALZHEIMER'S OR PARKINSONS ?
Which one would you rather have?
PARKINSONS of course!
Better to spill half your drink than forget where the f**k you put it!
H/T Shelly
Who's Yo Daddy?
The following are all replies that women have written on Child Support Agency Forms in the section for listing 'father's details;' or putting it another way..... Who's yo Daddy? These are genuine excerpts from the forms.
1. Regarding the identity of the father of my twins, Chesney was fathered by John Rogers. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of Kylie, but I believe that she was conceived on the same night.
2. I am unsure, as to the identity of the father of my child as I was being sick out of a window when taken unexpectedly from behind. I can provide you with a list of names of men that I think were at the party if this helps.
3. I do not know the name of the father of my little girl. She was conceived at a party at 120 Ashcroft Avenue where I had sex with man I met that night. I do remember that the sex was so good that I fainted. If you do manage to track down the father, can you please send me his phone number? Thanks.
4. I don't know the identity of the father of my daughter. He drives a BMW that now has a hole made by my stiletto in one of the door panels. Perhaps you can contact BMW service stations in this area and see if he's had it replaced.
5. I have never had sex with a man. I am still a Virginian. I am awaiting a letter from the Pope confirming that my son's conception was ejaculate and that he is the Saver risen again.
6. I cannot tell you the name of Alleshia's dad as he informs me that to do so would blow his cover and that would have cataclysmic implications for the economy. I am torn between doing right by you and right by the country. Please advise.
7. I do not know who the father of my child was as they all look the same to me.
8. Tyrone Hairston is the father of child A If you do catch up with him, can you ask him what he did with my AC/DC CDs?
9. From the dates it seems that my daughter was conceived at Disney World; maybe it really is the Magic Kingdom .
10. So much about that night is a blur. The only thing that I remember for sure is PBS did a program about eggs earlier in the evening. If I had stayed in and watched more TV rather than going to the party at 89 Miller Avenue, my eggs might have remained unfertilized.
11. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my baby, after all, like when you eat a can of beans you can't be sure which one made you fart.
H/T Shelly
Tuesday, 24 June 2008
No Frills Airlines.....don't show this to Ryanair.
See the original Carol Burnett Show version HERE
H/T Joker
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