H/T 45 Govt
Wednesday, 2 July 2008
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
Jim decided to propose to Sandy, but prior to her acceptance Sandy had to confess to her man about her childhood illness. She informed Jim that she suffered a disease that left her breasts at maturity of a 12 year old. He stated that it was OK because he loved her soooo much.
However, Jim felt this was also the time for him to open up and admit that he also had a deformity too. Jim looked Sandy in the eyes and said.... "I too have a problem. My penis is the same size as an infant and I hope you could deal with that once we are married."
She said, "Yes I will marry you and learn to live with your infant size penis."
Sandy and Jim got married and they could not wait for the Honeymoon. Jim whisked Sandy off to their hotel suite and they started touching, teasing, holding one another...
As Sandy put her hands in Jim's pants she began to scream and ran out of the room!
Jim ran after her to find out what was wrong. "You told me you penis was the size of an infant!", she said.
"Yes it is..... 8 pounds, 7 ounces, 19 inches long!!"
H/T DML
Husband and wife are shopping in Tesco's when the man picks up a crate of Stella and sticks them into the trolley
'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife 'They're on offer, only £10 for 24 cans', he says
'Put them back. We can't afford it,' says the wife and they carry on shopping...
A few aisles later the woman picks up a £20 jar of face cream and sticks it into the trolley.
'What do you think you're doing?' asks the man, 'It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,' she says.
The man replies... 'SO DOES 24 CANS OF STELLA AND IT'S HALF THE F***ING PRICE'
H/T Andi B
From Capt Craig....
'For some reason all your video clips stop after only a few seconds. The load bar shows that the clip loads to completion but the damn thing will not play. Every one of the other sites I visit give me no problem. Wazzup? This has only happened since I had to get a new puter and was forced to use Vista. Might there be a connection, old chap? I am getting frustrated as I really do get off on some of your aviation stuff because I am a sulphurous old retired fighter pilot.'
Anyone know the solution to this problem?
Tuesday, 1 July 2008
Afghanistan – (with apologies to Kipling) by Peej.
When you’re lying alone in your Afghan bivvy,
And your life it depends on some MOD civvie
When the body armour’s shared (one set between three),
And the firefight’s not like it is on TV,
Then you’ll look to your oppo, your gun and your God,
As you follow that path all Tommies have trod.
When the gimpy has jammed and you’re down to one round,
And the faith that you’d lost is suddenly found.
When the Taliban horde is close up to the fort,
And you pray that the arty don’t drop a round short.
Stick to your sergeant like a good squaddie should,
And fight them like satan or one of his brood
Your pay it won’t cover your needs or your wants,
So just stand there and take all the Taliban’s taunts
Nor generals nor civvies can do aught to amend it,
Except make sure you’re kept in a place you can’t spend it.
Three fifty an hour in your Afghani cage,
Not nearly as much as the minimum wage.
Your missus at home in a foul married quarter
With damp on the walls and a roof leaking water
Your kids miss their mate, their hero, their dad;
They’re missing the childhood that they should have had
One day it will be different, one day by and by,
As you all stand there and watch, to see the pigs fly
Just like your forebears in mud, dust and ditch
You’ll march and you’ll fight, and you’ll drink and you’ll bitch
Whether Froggy or Zulu, or Jerry, or Boer
The Brits will fight on ‘til the battle is over.
You may treat him like dirt, but nowt will unnerve him
But I wonder sometimes, if the country deserves him.
Peej 2008.
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
Light News...
Fed up Brits should come to Canada, says Minister sent to lure workers to emigrate. Best offer I have had all year. This has to be seriously considered.
Caught in the act: The 'gipsy' child thieves who could teach Fagin a trick or two. Thieving scum.
Britain facing terrorist threat for another three decades, Lord Stevens warns. Wrong the terror threat will last as long as Islam exists.
Zimbabwe's Robert Mugabe 'a hero', say African leaders. Time to cut off all foreign aid to Africa. Sod them.
White House in-fighting stalled Osama bin Laden hunt in Pakistan. Dubya can't stop now.
12/3 Brigade graduates from Unit Set Fielding. The Iraqi Army continues to grow. (H/T DJ Elliot)
Councils see smoking as greater problem than violence says Hazel Blears. Blears is an mindless idiot.
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
What Job Ads Really Mean....
“Competitive Salary”: We remain competitive by paying you less than our competition.
“Join our fast-paced company”: We have no time to train you.
“Casual work atmosphere”: We don’t pay enough to expect that you will dress up; a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.
“Some overtime required”: Some every night and some every weekend.
“Duties will vary”: Anyone in the office can boss you around.
“Must have an eye for detail”: We have no quality assurance.
“Career-minded”: Female applicants must be childless (and remain that way).
“Apply in person”: If you’re old, fat or ugly you’ll be told that the position has been filled.
“Seeking candidates with a wide variety of experience”: You’ll need it to replace the three people who just quit.
“Problem-solving skills a must”: You’re walking into perpetual chaos.
“Requires team leadership skills”: You’ll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.
“Good communication skills”: Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do it.
H/T DML
Patience....
The greatest secret of life -- knowing when to do what, kinda like the song says, "you gotta know when to hold em know when to fold em"
Sometimes it just pays to be patient.....
H/T Shelly
Monday, 30 June 2008
Iraq News from DJ Elliot
New Besmaya obstacle course opens. Iraqi and Coalition forces leaders celebrated the opening of the new Combat Assault Course at the Besmaya Combat Training Center.
US transfer of Shiite province to Iraq delayed. But progress still goes on.
Iraqi Security Forces Five Year Plan:An updated projection. DJ Elliot writes of the Iraqi Force's status.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
