Theo Spark

Saturday, 19 July 2008

We've had 658 laptops stolen, MoD confesses. Idiots! They are unfit to manage the Military.

Police officer bitten in vicious mob attack... after asking girl to pick up a piece of litter. Animals. Forced labour camps are starting to have an appeal.

Right of households to rubbish bin collection by councils to be abolished. The fly tippers Charter.

Gordon Brown has 'lost his grip on the economy' as borrowing soars. He lost grip on reality a long time ago.

Taxpayer can bear no more, admits Alistair Darling. No s**t.

Outrage over US army exercise to shoot pigs. Poor pigs. Use criminals instead.

Indian beach volleyball players refuse to wear bikinis. Spoilsports.

James May: Energy crisis? What energy crisis? Petrol is still cheaper than sweets.

Today's blogging is brought to you by....

Nerd School is in session...

Dr. Mercury's Computer Corner: Lesson 15 - Streaming video

And here are some of his students....

The Air war over Germany- Part 4.....

If you can stay calm, while all around you is chaos, then you probably haven’t completely understood the seriousness of the situation.

Plagiarism saves time.

Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

If at first you don’t succeed, try management.

A person who smiles in the face of adversity probably has a scapegoat.

Never underestimate the power of very stupid people in large groups.

We waste time so you don’t have to.

Hang in there, retirement is only thirty years away!

Go the extra mile. It makes your boss look like an incompetent slacker.

When the going gets tough, the tough take a coffee break.

Aim Low, Reach Your Goals, Avoid Disappointment.

H/T DML

Friday, 18 July 2008

Bedtime Totty....

A Little Something for the Weekend.....I wish.

Sadly over here we don't get to play!

Universal Truths ( LAWS OF MANKIND)

Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

Law of Gravity - Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

Law of Probability -The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number someone always answers.

Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

Law of Close Encounters -The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

Law of the Theater - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.

Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.

Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. Don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick.

H/T Joker

A Combine Sunset...

Ooops don't tell the limp-wristed, limp-dick liberals....

Victory in Iraq. Now for Afghanistan. This War will not end until the Islamo-freaks are wiped out. It is not going to go away and until the liberal terrorist sympathising idiots get real we will be fighting a war on two fronts. I am not sure who the greater enemy is. Radical Islam or the liberals.

H/T Shelly