H/T Mark Scott
Friday, 10 October 2008
Well, well. Guess who this applies to....
1. Occidental College records — Not released
2. Columbia College records — Not released
3. Columbia Thesis paper — ‘not available’
4. Harvard College records — Not released
5. Selective Service Registration — Not released
6. Medical records — Not released
7. Illinois State Senate schedule — ‘not available’
8. Law practice client list — Not released
9. Certified Copy of original Birth certificate — Not released
10. Embossed, signed paper Certification of Live Birth — Not released
11. Harvard Law Review articles published — None
12. University of Chicago scholarly articles — None
13.Your Record of baptism — Not released or ‘not available’
14. Your Illinois State Senate records — ‘not available’
Ah, it's probably OK if the President can't qualify for a security clearance.....
H/T Dick B.
Doctors' Opinion of Financial Bail Out Package
The Allergists voted to scratch it, and the Dermatologists advised not
to make any rash moves.
The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve, and the Obstetricians felt they were all laboring under a misconception.
The Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted; the Pathologists yelled, 'Over my dead body!' while the Pediatricians said, 'Oh, Grow up!'
The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, the Radiologists could see right through it, and the Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing.
The Internists thought it was a bitter pill to swallow, and the Plastic Surgeons said, 'This puts a whole new face on the matter.'
The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists felt the scheme wouldn't hold water.
The Anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas, and the Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.
In the end, the Proctologists left the decision up to some assholes in Washington.
H/T Shelly
News....
No barbed wire...it might hurt the thieves, allotment holders told. Try razor wire with 20,00 volts instead.
Mother gets £170,000 a year in benefits to live in £1.2m house. Ship her back to Afghanistan.
MoD lose personal details of 100,000 members of armed forces in latest data fiasco. Once again the MoD f**ks up. And once again no-one will be held to account.
The RAF bomber pilot who single-handedly recovered the body of the co-pilot and comrade he lost on Berlin raid 60 years ago. A brilliant and moving story.
Gordon Brown demands £20 bn 'British money' from Iceland. Typical Socialist Bully Boy....Brown is more responsible for the trouble than Iceland. He turned a blind eye to the runaway credit spree that has caused this problem.
Zimbabwe inflation hits 231 million per cent. Don't laugh we could be heading the same way!
Sudan president Omar Bashir dismisses Darfur rape allegations. Another African Leader who needs to be removed by force.
If Pakistan goes bust, the Taliban will rule the roost there as well. Oh well, looks like we may need India's help with this one.
Iraq must rid itself of US troops, Iran says. And Iran needs a regime change.
Lebanon's drug barons reap a bumper harvest as soldiers steer clear. Lebanon in the news again.
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Thursday, 9 October 2008
News....
Archives prove Obama was a New Party member. The US will regret it if he wins.
£16,000 EACH: That's what every one of us could have to pay for the Great Bank Nationalisation. And it will be the Tories who have to clear up this mess. What a legacy Brown is leaving.
Terrorist who survived SAS storming of Iranian Embassy to be free in days... for a life on benefits.
Deport the bastard. Next time don't bother with prisoners.
Commander: Rescue of paratroopers from minefield 'delayed by red tape'. There is no room for red tape on a battlefield.
Financial crisis: We're all socialists now, comrade. We may have to 'overthrow' this government.
Hill farming communities in danger of dying out. A tough and hardy bunch who must be helped.
ANC rebels 'serve divorce papers' on leadership as new South African party close. South Africa could go the same way as Zimbabwe if things go tits up.
Stock market terms explained...
CEO --Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
PROFIT -- An archaic word no longer in use.
H/T Casasquirrels
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DON'T APPLY AGAIN.......
Your application to join an online dating agency has been rejected.
One of the questions was..
'What do you like most in a woman?'
'My Dick' is not an appropriate answer!
H/T 45 Govt
Wednesday, 8 October 2008
Possibly the only intelligent thing Alec Baldwin has ever said....
...he blames the Dems for the finantial crisis.
Borrowed (and edited) from Flopping Aces
H/T Jeffrey Nihart
News....
The Other Election. Jules has news on the 'election'.
America as the Last Man Standing. Speech by Geert Wilders, chairman of the Party for Freedom, the Netherlands, 25 September 2008, Hudson Institute. A MUST READ.
Britain will be a major casualty of the world downturn - with a major recession next year, says IMF. The credit crunch mixed with Brown's ridiculous spending, actually it is all Brown's fault.
Brown hails rescue package as 'bold and far-reaching'. And just where is he getting the money from?
Army used fake tree to spy on Germans. Damn clever those chaps.
Qantas emergency landing: Nearly 40 injured. Sabotage? This is the third or forth such 'emergency' in recent months.
Zimbabwe chaos wipes out education for 4.5 million pupils. And still we stand by and do nothing.
Quote for the Day.....
"It appears we have appointed our worst generals to command forces, and our most gifted and brilliant to edit newspapers. In fact, I discovered by reading newspapers that these editor/geniuses plainly saw all my strategic defects from the start, yet failed to inform me until it was too late. Accordingly, I am readily
willing to yield my command to these obviously superior intellects, and I will, in turn, do my best for the Cause by writing editorials - after the fact."
- Robert E. Lee, 1863
H/T Shelly
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Final Mission
MH-53 Pave Low helicopters prepare to take off for their final combat mission on Sept. 27, 2008, in Iraq. The MH-53, the largest and most technologically advanced helicopter in the Air Force with a record dating back to the Vietnam War, was retired from the Air Force inventory on Sept. 30, 2008. U.S. Air Force photo by Airman 1st Class Jason Epley.
Tuesday, 7 October 2008
You're an EXTREME redneck when...
1. You let your 14 year old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
2. The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it.
3. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
4. You think a woman who is out of your league bowls on a different night.
5. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
6. Someone in your family died right after saying, "Hey, guys, watch this."
7. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
8. Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.
9. Your junior prom offered day care.
10. You think the last words of the Star-Spangled Banner are "Gentlemen, start your engines" or "Play ball".
11. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.
12. The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.
13. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.
14. One of your kids was born on a pool table.
15. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
16. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.
17. You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.
H/T Shelly
Light News...
Nato commanders to draw up plans to defend ex-Soviet bloc members from Russia. A wise precaution, although most NATO members are incapable or reluctant to deploy anywhere.
Israel 'may bomb Iran' if Russia sells missile system. Well someone's got to.
Pakistan facing bankruptcy. More bloody problems in Pakistan.
Russia to test fire cruise missiles for first time since 1984. From planes dating from 1984 and earlier.
Gloves off as John McCain lands Barack Obama 'lie' jibe . About time too. There is no such thing as a clean fight when Democrats are involved.
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