Theo Spark

Thursday, 20 November 2008

Wednesday, 19 November 2008

Bedtime Totty...

Editors note: Posting may be a bit squiffy for the next 48 hours or so.

Cartoon round-up...by Mark Scott

Today's Challenge......Find the Video this still came from.

It's Sophie Monk for a starter......

Ooooh look what I found

Barclaycard water slide spoof......

An awesome spoof commercial of the Barclaycard ad by Specsavers.

And the original for those who haven't seen it.

News...

Iranian grain ship seized as Somali pirates hold world to ransom. Time to start bombing the bastards in their home ports. The profits are going to terrorists and theirfore they are perfectly legal targets.

Hijacked supertanker anchors off Somali coast as pirates open talks over their $100m oil haul... and demand a $10m ransom. The Saudi's will probably cough up.

India 'sinks Somali pirate ship'. And the Indians show how it's done.

Somali pirates try to seize British ship. Time to arm merchant ships in the area with mini-guns.

Head Won't Go For Baby P Mistakes. An apology is not enough. People must be sacked for their incompetance.

Hundreds die of cholera in Zimbabwe. The situation is getting beyond help. Still the west does nothing.

Russia to build nuclear reactor for Hugo Chavez. More shit stirring from Putin. Can't wait to see what happens whn Raul Castro visits Moscow soon.

Britain re-establishes high-level intelligence links with Syria. Why? Syria cannot be trusted.

Lawyers gather as last six fight over Senate superpower. It's always the bloody lawyers. They should not be allowed near politics.

300,000 UK visas 'wrongly issued'. Is there a single brain cell in the Home Office?

Video: Negotiations with Attractive Girls Union break down.

Drink Milk......for a long and 'healthy' life.

H/T John C.

No Hard Feelings.

The election day is over,
The talking is done.
My party lost,
Your party won.

So let us be friends,
Let arguments pass.
I’ll hug my elephant,
You kiss your ass.

H/T DML

Final Episode....

Stephen Fry finishes his tour of the US with a trip up the West Coast then onto Alaska and finaly Hawaii.

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

Part 6

All UK trains cancelled due to leaf on the line....

H/T DML

Tuesday, 18 November 2008

Speedbird 206: " Frankfurt , Speedbird 206! Clear of active runway."
Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven."
The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.
Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"
Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."
Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?"
Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark, -- And I didn't land."

======================================================
A Pan Am 727 flight, waiting for start clearance in Munich , overheard the following:
Lufthansa: "Groundcontrol, wie spät können wir los?"
Ground: "If you want an answer you must speak in English."
Lufthansa: "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany . Why must I speak English?"
Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent): "Because you lost the bloody war!"

H/T Herve

Cartoon round-up...by Mark Scott

Great Composition....

H/T DML

How green is your valley?

Big Bloody Fish....

Salmon carcass in Battle Creek estimated at 85 pounds.

H/T Jeffrey Nihart

A10 Chases Down Taliban On Motorcycles.......Great Song as Well

Light News...

Celebrities join BBC backlash after Brand and Ross scandal as more and more ask 'why SHOULD we pay licence fee'? The TV licence must go. 10% of what the BBC produces is worldbeating, the rest is garbage.

Foreign Secretary Miliband set to meet Syrian President. 'Boy Assad' meets 'Boy Blunder'. Sucking up to the Syrians will get us nowhere.

Somali pirates open talks for release of hostage crew on oil tanker Sirius Star. If we do not sweep these piratical scum from the seas hijackings will become widespread as our enemies will know we have lost our 'balls.'

Navies consider their response to hijacking of Sirius Star off Somalia. Take out their home ports.

Million violent crimes a year, but fewer than half are solved. Just what do the police do all day?

Convoy brings winter relief to Nato forces. Good. Our troops need all the kit they can get.

Hugo Chavez faces toughest political test ... against his ex-wife. Let's hope she kicks his butt.

Have a problem with pirates?

H/T Ron W

Ok so it's a bit late.....

H/T DML

Public Service Announcement: Conserve Water.....

H/T DML

A Few Thoughts....

I had amnesia once - or twice.

Protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.

All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

If the world was a logical place, men would ride horses sidesaddle.

What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?

They told me I was gullible .. And I believed them.

Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up, he'll never be able to edge his car onto a motorway.

Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long.

Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.

When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to look
Like a nail.

I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.

The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.

How can there be self-help "groups"?

Is it possible to be totally partial?

Is Marx's tomb a communist plot?

If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?

It's not an optical illusion. It just looks like one.

Is it my imagination, or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?

H/T Don Emslie