Saturday, 6 December 2008
LITTLE HARRY ON GRAMMAR (Part 2)
One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word 'beautiful' in the same sentence twice.
First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, 'My father bought my mother a beautiful dress, and she looked beautiful in it.'
'Very good, Suzie,' replied the teacher.
She then called on little Michael.
'My mommy planned a beautiful banquet, and it turned out beautifully.'
She said, 'Excellent, Michael, excellent.'
Then the teacher reluctantly called on Little Harry.
'Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just effing beautiful'.
H/T Rodney
Happy Holidays, all ...
Peter Gunn put his Christmas lights up this week in time to relax and celebrate the season. Let me know if any of you need his help putting up YOUR lights. 
News...
US calls for Mugabe to step down . It won't be the murder, oppression or corruption that gets rid of Mugabe, but an itsy bitsy little bug.
What makes Barra the best village in Britain? Because it is on a island in the ass-end of nowhere.
Canadian leader suspends Parliament to keep power. He wouldn't like to pop over here and suspend ours.
Two more teams could pull plug as Formula One hits skid row. Good. F1 has become too corrupt and it should go. Ecclestone and Mosley have made it a case of richest team wins and Ferrari dominate the rule book. What they want they get.
Youths who gang-raped girl in stairwells are named. Hang the scum.
The extent of the suffering in Zimbabwe ‘has reached Auschwitz proportions’. We either send in troops or sit back and watch tens of thousands die. On our track record the gravediggers are going to be very busy.
Pentagon plans troop surge in Afghanistan. We know.
Fabulous Collection of Chevy Convertibles and Corvettes
This collection belongs to Dennis Albaugh in Ankeny, Iowa, just north of Des Moines.
The personal & private collection consists of 110 + Chevrolet convertibles
all years from 1912 to 1975 & Corvette convertibles from 1953 to 1975.
H/T Shelly
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A Different Christmas Poem.....
The embers glowed softly, and in their dim light,
I gazed round the room and I cherished the sight.
My wife was asleep, her head on my chest,
My daughter beside me, angelic in rest.
Outside the snow fell, a blanket of white,
Transforming the yard to a winter delight.
The sparkling lights in the tree I believe,
Completed the magic that was Christmas Eve.
My eyelids were heavy, my breathing was deep,
Secure and surrounded by love I would sleep.
In perfect contentment, or so it would seem,
So I slumbered, perhaps I started to dream.
The sound wasn't loud, and it wasn't too near,
But I opened my eyes when it tickled my ear.
Perhaps just a cough, I didn't quite know, Then the
sure sound of footsteps outside in the snow.
My soul gave a tremble, I struggled to hear,
And I crept to the door just to see who was near.
Standing out in the cold and the dark of the night,
A lone figure stood, his face weary and tight.
A soldier, I puzzled, some twenty years old,
Perhaps a Marine, huddled here in the cold.
Alone in the dark, he looked up and smiled,
Standing watch over me, and my wife and my child.
'What are you doing?' I asked without fear,
'Come in this moment, it's freezing out here!
Put down your pack, brush the snow from your sleeve,
You should be at home on a cold Christmas Eve!'
For barely a moment I saw his eyes shift,
Away from the cold and the snow blown in drifts.
To the window that danced with a warm fire's light
Then he sighed and he said 'Its really all right,
I'm out here by choice. I'm here every night.'
'It's my duty to stand at the front of the line,
That separates you from the darkest of times.
No one had to ask or beg or implore me,
I'm proud to stand here like my fathers before me.
My Gramps died at ' Pearl on a day in December,'
Then he sighed, 'That's a Christmas 'Gram always remembers.'
My dad stood his watch in the jungles of ' Nam ',
And now it is my turn and so, here I am.
I've not seen my own son in more than a while,
But my wife sends me pictures, he's sure got her smile.
Then he bent and he carefully pulled from his bag,
The red, white, and blue... an American flag.
I can live through the cold and the being alone,
Away from my family, my house and my home.
I can stand at my post through the rain and the sleet,
I can sleep in a foxhole with little to eat.
I can carry the weight of killing another,
Or lay down my life with my sister and brother..
Who stand at the front against any and all,
To ensure for all time that this flag will not fall.'
' So go back inside,' he said, 'harbor no fright,
Your family is waiting and I'll be all right.'
'But isn't there something I can do, at the least,
'Give you money,' I asked, 'or prepare you a feast?
It seems all too little for all that you've done,
For being away from your wife and your son.'
Then his eye welled a tear that held no regret,
'Just tell us you love us, and never forget.
To fight for our rights back at home while we're gone,
To stand your own watch, no matter how long.
For when we come home, either standing or dead,
To know you remember we fought and we bled.
Is payment enough, and with that we will trust,
That we mattered to you as you mattered to us.'
H/T BlitzWhite
Friday, 5 December 2008
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It's Back. Hottest Advert of the Week.....NSFW-ish.
Occasionally you have to be a little NSFW especially on a Friday. I have no idea what this is advertising!
For a bigger version visit Fleggaard and click on the pic behind the desk.
I have replaced the You-Tube version with this one.
Why is a Christmas tree better than a man?
It's always erect,
stays up for 12 days and nights,
has cute balls,
and even looks good with the lights on!
H/T Old Dude
Terry and Aled with 'Little Drummer Boy'.......
....and probably the Christmas No 1. Unless a certain Irish Band of my acquaintance get lucky!!
News...
Our World: The jihadist-multicultural alliance. More hypocrisy from the 'multi-culturalists' aka liberals by Caroline Glick.
Medicare to Cover Prescription Handguns? You certainly won't get that on the NHS.
The end for Mr Speaker? Calls to quit grow as Yard contradicts his statement to Commons. He cannot last much longer.
Travellers granted legal aid to fight eviction own five-bedroom £230,000 house down the road. Gypsies, tramps and thieves!!
Woolworths slashes all prices by 50% in huge closing down sale. Soon to be followed by Curry'/PC World and B&Q. The high street is in big trouble.
Clipboard brigade to probe our private lives as Government plans sexual preference quiz. This could be fun!!
Out of this world: British teddy bears strapped to helium weather balloon reach the edge of space. If we can do it to a Teddy Bear we can do it to Gordon Brown.
Teacher suspended for punishing pupils with press-ups - at a sports college. WTF!!!
Telling the truth is lambasted in politically correct Britain. Labour have never been acquainted with 'the truth'.
Honda quits Formula One racing. I doubt they will be the only ones.
Russian gas supplies to EU could be cut in Ukraine row. More of Putin's bully-boy bulls**t.
Archbishop Desmond Tutu calls on Robert Mugabe to step down or be removed by force. Mugabe won't last long now.
Robert Mugabe appeals to Britain for help as cholera crisis brings Zimbabwe to a halt. Great. Let's send the Paras to 'help'.
Congresswoman hangs up on 'prank' call from Barack Obama. Good girl.
Terrorist Osama bin Laden given Lego make-over. Soon to have his ass kicked by Barbie.
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Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.
"In honor of this holy season" Saint Peter said, "You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."
The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "It represents a candle", he said.
"You may pass through the pearly gates" Saint Peter said.
The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, "They're bells."
Saint Peter said "You may pass through the pearly gates".
The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?"
The man replied, "These are Carols."
And So The Christmas Season
Begins......
H/Ts Rodney & Liz B
Definitions.....
1. ARBITRATOR: A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonalds
2. AVOIDABLE: What a bullfighter tried to do
3. BERNADETTE: The act of torching a mortgage
4. BURGLARIZE: What a crook sees with
5. CONTROL: A short, ugly inmate
6. COUNTERFEITERS: Workers who put together kitchen cabinets
7. ECLIPSE: What an English barber does for a living
8. EYEDROPPER: A clumsy ophthalmologist
9. HEROES: What a guy in a boat does
10. LEFTBANK: What the robber did when his bag was full of money
11. MISTY: How golfers create divots
12. PARADOX: Two physicians
13. PARASITES: What you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower
14. PHARMACIST: A helper on the farm
15. POLARIZE: What penguins see with
16. PRIMATE: Removing your spouse from in front of the TV
17. RELIEF: What trees do in the spring
18. RUBBERNECK: What you do to relax your wife
19. SELFISH: What the owner of a seafood store does
20. SUDAFED: Brought litigation against a government official
21. ROE VS. WADE: A decision made by George Washington before crossing the river.
H/T Shelly
Thursday, 4 December 2008
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The Twelve Days of Turkey
On the first day of Christmas my true love said to me
I've bought a nice fresh turkey and a proper Christmas tree.
On the second day of Christmas, much laughter could be heard
as we tucked into our turkey, a most delicious bird
On the third day of Christmas, came people from next door
the turkey tasted just as good as it had the day before
On the fourth day of Christmas came relations young and old
we finished up the Christmas pud and had the turkey cold
On the fifth day of Christmas outside the snowflakes scurried,
but we were nice and warm inside, we had the turkey curried.
On the sixth day of Christmas the Christmas spirit died,
the children fought and bickered as we had the turkey fried.
On the seventh day of Christmas my true love he did wince
when he sat down at the table to have the turkey minced
On the eighth day of Christmas the dog he ran for shelter,
he'd seen our turkey pancakes and the glass of Alka Seltzer
On the ninth day of Christmas by lunchtime Dad was blotto
he knew that bird was back again, but this time a risotto.
On the tenth day of Christmas we were drinking home made brew
as if that wasn't bad enough, we were eating turkey stew
On the eleventh day of Christmas the Christmas tree was moulting
with chilli, soy and oyster sauce the turkey was revolting
On the twelth day of Christmas with a smile upon our lips
the guests had gone, the turkey too – we dined on fish and chips!
H/T DML
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