Finally one with good a soundtrack.
Tuesday, 28 April 2009
Video: 3rd Battalion of the 505th Parachute Regiment: "The Panthers"
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
50 Things To Do In An Elevator..............
1. Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.
2. Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your Kleenex to other passengers.
3. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!
4. Whistle the first seven notes of It's a Small World incessantly.
5. Sell Girl Scout cookies.
6. On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.
7. Shave.
8. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: Got enough air in there?
9. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.
10. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
11. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
12. Lean over to another passenger and whisper: Noogie patrol coming!
13. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.
14. Censored by your son.
15. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go plink at the bottom.
16. Do Tai Chi exercises.
17. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: I've got new socks on!
18. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: Oh, not now, damn motion sickness!
19. Give religious tracts to each passenger.
20. Meow occasionally.
21. Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.
22. Frown and mutter gotta go, gotta go then sigh and say oops!
23. Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.
24. Sing Mary had a little lamb while continually pushing buttons.
25. Holler Chutes away! whenever the elevator descends.
26. Walk on with a cooler that says human head on the side.
27. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce You're one of THEM! and move to the far corner of the elevator.
28. Burp, and then say mmmm...tasty!
29. Leave a box between the doors.
30. Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.
31. Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers through it.
32. Start a sing-along.
33. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask is that your beeper?
34. Play the harmonica.
35. Shadow box.
36. Say Ding! at each floor.
37. Lean against the button panel.
38. Say I wonder what all these do and push the red buttons.
39. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
40. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your personal space.
41. Bring a chair along.
42. Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger: Wanna see wha in muh mouf?
43. Blow spit bubbles.
44. Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.
45. Announce in a demonic voice: I must find a more suitable host body.
46. Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.
47. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
48. Wear X-Ray Specs and leer suggestively at other passengers.
49. Stare at your thumb and say I think it's getting larger.
50. If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler Bad touch!
H/T DML
Monday, 27 April 2009
WILL WE STOP THE TALIBAN IN PAKISTAN?........by STORMBRINGER
This is strategic analysis of the highest order and you can bet dollars to doughnuts the CIA, the DIA and the US State Dept are looking long & hard at these developments.
Can a guerrilla force of 500 knock over a modern, established nation-state? In 1959 Fidel Castro pulled such a maneuver off, but Cuba of the Batista regime did not possess an army as professional and well-equipped as the Pakistani Army.
Contrary to popular opinion, the majority of the Cuban people were not with Fidel's revolution . . . and the majority of the Pakistani population is not with the Taliban. It is only possible for the Taliban to make such advances in the Federally Administered Tribal Regions, which are semi-autonomous and only nominally controlled by the government of Pakistan.
I suggest.....................continue reading
Free tickets - hurry, they are going fast...
I have 4 extra tickets for the Robbie Knievel (son of Evel Knievel) event at the United Spirit Arena in Lubbock, Texas if anybody wants them. He's going to try to jump 1000 Obama supporters with a bulldozer. Should be a good time!
H/T Shelly
News.....
Is swine flu already here? Expert's fear as deadly virus spreads to more countries. The media love a good excuse to spread fear and panic.
Brown's £5,000 expenses bribe: Labour MPs offered cash if they back his reforms. He is desperate.
EU judges want Sharia law applied in British courts. F**k em.
Cruise ship opens fire on pirates after Somalis attack luxury liner with AK47s. Miniguns on the bow would be fun.
Gay Tory frontbencher faces police probe after Miss Universe death threat live on TV. Boot him out.
Iran's President 'would support two-state solution' for Israel. Twaddle.
Viagra rival 'can be rubbed directly into skin'. That's handy.
Miss California becomes Right-wing pin-up. It's called free speech.
Defence no longer a no-go area for cuts, says George Osborne. Hands off defence.
Many reported dead as Pakistani army attacks Taleban near Swat. It's a start, but Pakistan has to do more.
US pins its hopes on ‘Dad’s Army’ to turn tide in fight for local loyalties. Let's hope it works.
The Hotline.....
Hello. Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline.
If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.
If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Please stay on the line until we can trace the call.
If you are schizophrenic, please listen carefully until the voices tell you which number to press.
If you are borderline, it doesn’t matter which number you press– no one will answer.
If you are manic-depressive, please press 7 as fast as you can for the next 24 hours, and then crash for the following 24 hours.
If you have bipolar affective disorder, please leave a message after the beep and before the beep and after the beep.
If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All operators are too busy to talk to you.
If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.
If you have ADD, wander away from the phone and start another task.
If you suffer from generalized anxiety disorder, please fidget with the pound key until a representative comes on the line.
If you suffer from social phobia, please hang up and go to a party.
If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, telephone, and mother’s maiden name.
If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, s-l-o-w-l-y & c-a-r-e-f-u-l-l-y press 0 0 0.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
Thank you for calling the Psychiatric Hotline.
H/T DMl
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
Last Nickel..............
A father walks into a restaurant with his young son.. He gives the young boy 3 nickels to play with to keep him occupied.
Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face.. The father realizes the boy has swallowed the nickels and starts slapping him on the back..
The boy coughs up 2 of the nickels, but keeps choking. Looking at his son, the father is panicking, shouting for help.
A well dressed, attractive, and serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a coffee bar reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, neatly folds the newspaper and places it on the counter, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.
Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants; takes hold of the boy's' testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly.. After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last nickel, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.
Releasing the boy's testicles, the woman hands the nickel to the father and walks back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word.
As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying,"I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor? "
'No,' the woman replied. I'm with Revenue Canada..'
H/T Ted
On the subject of pirates?
I was checking cruise lines because I heard the rates are very cheap right now.
I found a Somali cruise package that departs from Sawakin (in the Sudan ) and docks at Bagamoya (in Tanzania ).
The cost is a bit high @ 800 per person double occupancy but I didn’t find that offensive. What I found encouraging and enlightened is that the cruise is encouraging people to bring their 'High powered weapons' along on the cruise. If you don’t have weapons you can rent them right there on the boat. They claim to have a master blacksmith on board and will have reloading parties every afternoon. The cruise lasts from 4-8 days and nights and costs a maximum of $3200 per person double occupancy (4 days). All the boat does is sail up and down the coast of Somalia waiting to get hijacked by pirates. Here are some of the costs and claims associated with the package.
$800.00 US/per day double occupancy (4 day max billing)
M-16 full auto rental $ 25.00/day ammo at 100 rounds of 5.56 armor piercing ammo at $15.95
Ak-47 riffle @ No charge. ammo at 100 rounds of 7.62 com block ball ammo at $14.95
Barrett M-107 .50 cal sniper riffle rental 55.00/day ammo at 25 rounds 50 cal armor piercing at $9.95
Crew members can double as spotters for $30.00 per hour ( spotting scope included).
Jesus Christ---- they even offer RPG's at 75 bucks and 200 dollars for 3 standard loads
"Everyone gets use of free complimentary night vision equipment and coffee and snacks on the top deck from 7pm-6am."
Meals are not included but seem reasonable.
Most cruises offer a mini-bar... these gung ho entrepreneurs offer......... get this.....
"MOUNTED MINIGUN AVAILABLE @ 450.00 per 30 seconds of sustained fire"
Sign my ass up!
They advertise group rates and corporate discounts...... and even claim "FUN FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY"
They even offer a partial money back if not satisfied....here’s some text from the ad.
"We guarantee that you will experience at least two hijacking attempts by pirates or we will refund half your money back including gun rental charges and any unused ammo ( mini gun charges not included).. How can we guarantee you will experience a hijacking? We operate at 5 kno ts within 12 miles of the coast of Somalia . If an attempted Hijacking does not occur we will turn the boat around and cruise by at 4 knots. We will repeat this for up to 8 days making three passes a day along the entire length of Somalia . At night the boat is fully lit and bottle rockets are shot off at intervals and loud disco music beamed shore side to attract attention. Cabin space is limited so respond quickly. Reserve your package before Feb 29 and get 100 rounds of free tracer ammo in the caliber of your choice."
As if all that isn’t enough to whet your appetite, there were a few testimonials
“I got three confirmed kills on my last trip. I'LL never hunt big game in Africa again. I felt like the Komandant in Schindlers list!”---- Lars , Hamburg Germany
"Six attacks in 4 days was more than I expected. I bagged three pirates and my 12yr old son sank two rowboats with the minigun. PIRATES 0 -PASSENGERS-32! Well worth the trip. Just make sure your spotter speaks English"
Ned, Salt Lake city , Utah USA
"I haven’t had this much fun since flying choppers in NAM . Don’t worry about getting shot by pirates as they never even got close to the ship with those weapons they use and their shitty aim--reminds me of a drunken 'juicer' door gunner we picked up from the motor pool back in Nam" --"chopper'
Dan ----Toledo USA.
"Like ducks in a barrel. They turned the ship around=2 0and we saw them bleed and cry in the water like little girls. Saw one wounded pirate eaten by sharks--what a laugh riot!! This is a must do.--- Zeke-Minnahaw Springs Kentucky USA
Finally, someone had the common sense to cash in AND solve a major problem. These folks deserve a medal!
H/T 45Govt
Cry Freedom...the tea party music video...
Like Metallica, I never thought I would do a music video for any of my songs. Like a lot of other things in my life, I should never say never.
I hope you enjoy the video whichK T Dodge worked hard to get things right. I am just a performing monkey, its the tea party participants, organisers and K T that make it all work.
Watch the signs...there are some rather amusing ones.
Iran by Alan Caruba
Another recent post on Warning Signs by Alan Caruba is what to do about Iran. Read on.
“DEBKAfile's military sources cite some Western intelligence and nuclear weapons experts as predicting that Iran could turn out nuclear weapons some time in the next 12 months.”
Anyone paying any attention to Israel these days knows that it is preparing its own citizens and the world for a strike against Iran’s nuclear facilities.
Except for foreign consumption, the Israelis have largely abandoned talk of peace with the Palestinians or hope for any other alternative other than to punish an Iran whose leaders are totally obsessed with the destruction of their homeland, sacred to millions of Christians as well
The military action against Gaza was designed to neutralize its military capabilities and to warn Hamas against taking further action against Israel. Take a look at a map. Gaza is a thin strip of land, but it seethes with hatred for Israel because its inhabitants are mere pawns in the larger game the Arabs play. I doubt Arab nations are bothered greatly by keeping this group of people stateless refugees for at least two generations. The Palestinians, however, have consistently refused to accept statehood.
In Lebanon, Hezbollah has been unusually quiet of late. As for the rest of the Arab nations in the region, all would be delighted if Israel takes out the Iranian nuclear capability. They cordially hate Iran for its hegemonic ambitions to control the Middle East. Iranians who are Persians, not Arabs, may share Islam with the rest of the region, but they have far greater cultural and historical roots.
At this point, all of President Obama’s efforts to “reach out” to the Iranians have been rebuffed and now they are holding an American journalist hostage. The Iranian revolution began by holding American diplomats hostage for 444 days and they have routinely taken hostages as playing cards.
Neither America, nor Israel, takes hostages. We both, however, have a good track record for killing our enemies.
Israelis have had their soldiers taken hostage, often killed, and have been trying to get one returned from Hamas control for several years now. Arabs know that every Israeli is the concern of the whole nation. This contrasts greatly with the incessant rocketing of southern Israel that Hamas engaged in until the Israelis had no alternative but to retaliate. Then their leaders hid in safe bunkers while the populace was left to fend for their own lives.
These are not nice people. The Iranian leadership could have opted to join the modern world, benefit from their oil riches, built and upgraded their refineries, and done all those things nations do to improve their infrastructure and compete in the global marketplace.
Instead they used the oil wealth to sponsor both Hamas and Hezbollah and, of course, they have invested millions in the pursuit of nuclear power, not for electricity, but for the waging of war and, in particular, for the annihilation of Israel, a goal articulated over and over again by its President, Mamoud Ahmadinejad, and the handful of ayatollahs that rule with an iron fist.
The Israelis have learned the lessons of the Holocaust; the deliberate murder of men, women and children who were Jewish. They will not let that happen again. They will strike at Iran and, unfortunately, they will not have the support of the United States’ current leadership who are either too naïve, too willfully blind to the threat, or just too inept to deal with the Iranians.
It would not surprise me if the United Nations took the occasion to expel Israel as a member nation. It would be a good, but lost, opportunity for the United States to announce its withdrawal from the stinking heap of offal that passes itself off as an international institution worthy of any support.
Posted by Alan Caruba at 12:45 PM
Labels: Holocaust, Iran, Israel, Mamoud Ahmadinejad, united nations
The End Of The World
Alan Caruba, author of the National Anxiety Center, writes about the end of the world. Due on December 12th, 2012.
Sunday, 26 April 2009
Green Gloop
This looks wonderful stuff. H/T goes to Nikki Moore of GirlGeekChic
Available in the UK and USA from www.firebox.com
.gif)
The Sunday Best.....
Killer pig flu threat to UK: Fears grow of worldwide pandemic as 81 die in outbreak. Let's hope our various governments come up with a better way of dealing with it than they did with SARS.
Tessa Jowell Olympic 'bribe' email plunges Labour into a fresh storm. She has never been honest.
Pictured: WWII dive bomber sees light of day after 65 years at the bottom of Lake Michigan. Hopefully it will fly again.
SAS and other special forces to be expanded to defeat al-Qaeda. Cue cutbacks. We MUST increase defence spending.
Taliban gunmen shooting couple dead for adultery caught on camera. We must eradicate them using all available means. An outbreak of pig flu would work wonders.
In South African election ANC appears to fall just short of two-thirds majority. That might rein them in a bit.
Tamil Tigers leader Prabhakaran 'will fight till death'. I am sure that can be arranged.
Iraqi al-Qaeda chief 'caught' as 70 die in suicide bombings. One less.
Britain and Argentina both claim rights to Falkland Islands seabed. Better start dusting off HMS Victory.
Australian pub-goers threaten to boycott favourite XXXX beer if brand sold overseas. Good idea. Too late for many British companies.
Lord Stern, 'Scaremonger in chief', exposed by simple blunders. Another eco-nazi bites the dust.
Commonwealth cousins prop up the British Army. And we are bloody grateful.
Kim Jong Il son appointed to top government body. The DiNASTY continues.
‘Stop the Taliban now – or we will’. Not going to be that easy.
Russian death squads ‘pulverise’ Chechens. The Russians seem to be able to get away with it.
British spy loses secrets in a handbag. WTF!
Five great news hoaxes. And their will be many more.
the Clarkypoos bit.......
What a difference now I’ve stopped drinking fish fingers.
Jaguar XKR convertible.
and little Jimmy May
Driving hell for leather.
and finally....
Obama's order not to rescue hostage confirmed by National Security Advisor and Pentagon.
Behind the Scenes at the rescue off Somalia.
UK ignored warning on bogus students.
.jpg)
.jpg)
Silly Shorties......
I asked my girlfriend if she was faking last night.
She said, “No, I was really asleep.”
I went to a store to buy some insecticide.
"Is this good for beetles?" I asked the clerk.
"No," replied. "It'll kill 'em."
This Brit goes to Australia for a tourist trip and on the border they ask him if he had ever stayed in jail or had been arrested. So he says: "I did not know that was still required."
A wealthy man came home from a gambling trip and told his wife that he had lost their entire fortune and that they'd have to drastically alter their life-style.
"If you'll just learn to cook," he said, "we can fire the chef."
"Okay," she said. "And if you learn how to make love, we can fire the gardener."
A man walked into a bar with his alligator and asked the bartender, "Do you serve lawyers here?"
"Sure do," replied the bartender.
"Good," said the man. "Give me a beer, and I'll have a lawyer for my 'gator."
“Doctor! I think my wife is dead.”
“What makes you think that?”
“Well, the sex is still the same but the dishes are piling up.”
H/T DML
Russell Crowe in Leicester Square
My colleague who runs runs the Leicester Square Television "fan-cam" was out in town last week. Russell Crowe was captured at the World Premiere of "State Of Play" which also stars Helen Mirren.
Here's Russell
and here's Helen
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
