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Tuesday, 21 July 2009
Why do we love children?
1) NUDITY
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, ‘Mom, that lady isn’t wearing a seat belt!’
2) OPINIONS
On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother The note read, ‘The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents.’
3) KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. ‘Mommy can’t come to the phone to talk to you right now. She’s hitting the bottle.’
4) MORE NUDITY
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women’s locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, ‘What’s the matter, haven’t you ever seen a little boy before?’
5) POLICE # 1
While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old.. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, ‘Are you a cop? Yes,’ I answered and continued writing the report. My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?’ ‘Yes, that’s right ,’ I told her.. ‘Well, then,’ she said as she extended her foot toward me, ‘would you please tie my shoe?’
6) POLICE # 2
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. ‘Is that a dog you got back there?’ he asked.
‘It sure is,’ I replied.
Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, ‘What’d he do?’
7) ELDERLY
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, ‘The tooth fairy will never believe this!’
8) DRESS-UP
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, ‘Daddy, you shouldn’t wear that suit.’
‘And why not, darling?’
‘You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning.’
9) DEATH
While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased.
The minister’s son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: ‘Glory be unto the Father, and unto the Son, and into the hole he goes.’
10) SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. ‘I’m just wasting my time,’ she said to her mother. ‘I can’t read, I can’t write, and they won’t let me talk!’
11) BIBLE
A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.
‘Mama, look what I found,’ the boy called out.
‘What have you got there, dear?’
With astonishment in the young boy’s voice, he answered, ‘I think it’s Adam’s underwear!’
H/T DML
Pravda on Obama
“It must be said, that like the breaking of a great dam, the American descent into Marxism is happening with breath taking speed........... The final collapse has come with the election of Barack Obama. His speed in the past three months has been truly impressive. His spending and money printing has been record setting, not just in America's short history but in the world. If this keeps up for more than another year, and there is no sign that it will not, America at best will resemble the Weimar Republic and at worst Zimbabwe.” - Editorial by Pravda (Russia’s largest newspaper) April 27, 2009
H/T Shelly
Looking for a Few Good Americans
San Francisco Banker-Turned-Boxer James Corbett,
Who Became the Heavyweight Boxing Champion of the U.S.
An abiding premise at Washington Rebel is that there are plenty of real Americans out there who might actually . . . . rebel. Finally. Sometime. Maybe. Oh, their arms are smaller; many look like girls. But, there may yet come a day when Americans fortify their blood with oxygen and actually decide they don't want to be shipped around like cattle in cars just to make guys like Rahm Emanuel and David Axelrod happy.
It could happen!
There are signs!
The Battle Begins: The ATF vs. the Constitution "A line was drawn in the sand last week - a response by the Federal Government to the State of Tennessee and their assertion of sovereignty under the Tenth Amendment to the US Constitution."
Sheriff Richard Mack: Used to see more of these kind of guys around.
Eye of Newt: Gingrich Thinks the Country is on the Edge of Catastrophe. Yeah. We think so, too.
Jennifer Rubin: Obama's Summer of Discontent
Palin to Washington: Constitutional Rights Asserted in Growing Resistance to Washington
"Liberals are uniformly defined by their hypocrisy and dissociation from reality. For example, the wealthiest U.S. senators -- Democrats -- fancy themselves as defenders of the poor and advocate the redistribution of wealth, but they hoard enormous wealth for themselves and have never missed a meal. They have always been far more dedicated to their country clubs than our country." Mark Alexander, Pathology of the Left
Monday, 20 July 2009
Fight I.B.S............from Rico
Yes, I call on all of you to fight I.B.S.! Irrational Belief System (otherwise known as hopey-changeytude). It's not too late YET, but once the tax-eaters outnumber the taxpayers we're sunk!
I know this is a distraction from wondering "just where did all those Code Pink people go, anyway?" but stay with me.
CHANGE: Job losses are now equal to the net job gains of the previous 9 years, making this the only recession since the Great Depression to wipe-out ALL employment growth for the previous business cycle.
HIGHER TAXES. Closing government offices on Fridays like California won't reduce taxes. Maybe the only way we'll see reduced taxes is to follow Marc Faber's advice (of the Gloom, Boom, Doom report aka Dr. Doom) and globally fire 50% of all government employees and toss them into the private sector. Absent that, expect reduced services from government and HIGHER TAXES.
SANITY PREVAILS TEMPORARILY
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H/T Hugh
Treasury Cancels Plans to Hire Cartoonist - AP
Good to see somebody somewhere finally grew a brain. I love cartoons, especially underground comics and the stuff that used to show up on workplace bulletin boards, before the advent of the Internet and the PC Police I mean Human Resources. Cartoon humor has to be legit, homegrown and valid to produce a chuckle; this Government brainstorm would have produced strained humor at best, the end result would have had an Orwellian edge: "This sh*t IS funny & you WILL laugh at it!!!"
- STORMBRINGER SENDS
UK worst for crime...
Please read my piece on the crime rate in the UK (highest in Europe) and the excuses that are being made by the government. South Africa is less violent than the UK right now. And, that country the left loves to hate, the US, has a lower average crime rate as well.
Oh and don't bother to fight back... or you're risking getting in trouble.
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10 attributes of really lazy people...........
1. Inability to put forth the effort required to complete any task.
2.
H/T DML
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Things to Ponder.....
1. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
2. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren’t people from Holland called Holes?
3. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
4. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
5. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
6. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
7. When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
8. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?
9. Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
10. Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
11.. Why isn’t the number 11 pronounced onety one?
12. ‘I am’ is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that ‘I do’ is the longest sentence?
13. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn’t it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
14. What hair colour do they put on the driver’s licences of bald men?
15. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
16. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don’t they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the postmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
17. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
18. No one ever says, ‘It’s only a game’ when their team is winning.
19. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE
20. Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
23. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhoea, does that mean that one enjoys it?
24. Why if you send something by road in a car, it is called a shipment, but when you send it by sea in a ship, it is called cargo?
25. If a convenience store is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the door?
H/T DML
Sunday, 19 July 2009
Sweatin' Commies
Hope? Change? Is he sweating? Let's hope so.
"Even Obama's scripted speeches are deliberately more forceful, aggressive and direct in taking on critics, aides say. Friday remarks at the White House had a trash-talk edge – count me out and you’ll be sorry."Obama’s political operation has dispensed with its post-inauguration cocktails for Republicans – or more often, ignoring them outright — in favor of the old politics of engage, attack and cajole. Obama’s even engaging in a little Democrat-on-Democrat politics, as his ex-campaign arm is beaming TV ads into the home states of moderate fence-sitters on health care." Obama Feels the Heat
Could it be that President Barack Obama is losing his Mo Jo Among Members of his own party?
Let's hope so.
Sunday Silliness.....
1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.
2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, “I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything.”
3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
4. A dyslexic man walked into a bra.
5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and says: “A beer please, and one for the road.”
6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: “Does this taste funny to you?”
more at Mitchieville
Song of the Day: Poster Girl (2006)
Rogue Gunner Writes: This is Australian artist, Beccy Cole who made this song/video after her support of the Australian troops was called into question by anti-war folks. These anti-war folks said they wouldn't support her because of her stand.
Her site is HERE
A Few Thoughts...........
Sex therapist claimed that the most effective way to arouse your man
is to spend 10 minutes licking his ears!! Personally I think its bollocks!!
They reckon that Beer contains female hormones and I think they are
right. After 8 pints I talk s**t and can't drive!
A farmer in Devon has successfully grown a field full of vibrators;
unfortunately he now has a problem with Squatters.
A biker goes to the Doctor with hearing problems "Can you describe
the symptoms to me"
"Yes.....Homer is a fat yellow lazy bastard and Marge is a skinny bird
with big blue hair!!"
I failed my Shakespeare audition as Romeo through a misunderstanding
over a stage direction.
In my script it clearly said, "Enter Juliette from the rear."
H/T AJD
Yorkshire Puddings......
One of our readers asked what a Yorkshire Pudding is......
Delia's recipe is here
The Ashes 2009 - Official Song by Phil Tufnell & The Wooden Urns!!
I missed Rolf Harris' comments on this during the TMS lunch break interview with Aggers. Update: Apparently he thinks it's marvellous.
MEANWHILE . . .
Two American journalists are still being held by North Korea.
Laura Ling and Euna Lee work for Al Gore’s California-based Current TV media group.
Laura Ling and Euna Lee, you are not forgotten.
North Korean labor camps are notorious: the horrific conditions rival that of the Third Reich, or the torture factories of Saddam Hussein's regime in Iraq. Possibly hundreds of thousands of North Koreans face starvation, filth, disease, hard labor, exposure to the elements, daily "re-education" torture sessions, summary executions and anonymous graves.
North Korea may spare the US journalists from hard labor, but the two women still face awful conditions. Even if they have not yet been sent to a labor camp, they are no doubt being subjected to early morning wake up calls, daily interrogation / "re-education" sessions (that go on for unbelievable lengths of time, well into the night), minimal food of poor nutritional value, and every facet of their daily lives controlled. The worst could possibly be the stress and anxiety accompanying the fear of the unknown.
Click here to learn how you can help Laura Ling and Euna Lee.
- STORMBRINGER SENDS
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YOU ARE NOT FORGOTTEN
By now most of you have seen this Taliban propaganda video of an unamed American soldier, missing from his base in eastern Afghanistan June 30 and later confirmed captured. The soldier's identity has not yet been confirmed by Dept of Defense, pending notification of the soldier's family. U.S. defense officials confirmed that the man in the video is the captured soldier.
Rest assured the United States is on a full-court press to recover our soldier. Think of him as you enjoy your Sunday morning round of golf, or fishing. Remember him in your prayers at church, or temple.
Our prayers are with him.
STORMBRINGER SENDS
Don't tell Gordon Brown.....
'When government doesn't agree with the people, it's time to change the people' - Bertolt Brecht
H/T DML
The Sunday Best....
Survival School. Why more Americans are learning to pick locks, bust out of handcuffs, and avoid surveillance. By Sara Behunek
Now we are borrowing Russian helicopters to fight the Taliban. A disgrace.
Israeli warships rehearse for Iran attack in Red Sea. Only a matter of time.
Labour at war over Afghanistan. Labour have always hated the military.
Operation Panther's Claw: how British troops are hunting the Taliban to the end.
EU farm subsidies paid to big business. Subsidies are a joke.
US man uses chainsaw to fight off mountain lion attack.
French workers paid not to blow up factory.
Hamid Karzai says bring Taliban to table. Time he went.
As hostilities escalate in Whitehall, army chiefs confine Gordon Brown to barracks. Send him to the front line and dump him there.
Helicopter fleet to be reduced to save £1.4 billion. WTF!!!
the Clarkypoos bit....
Stop, you’re digging an early grave with that garden trowel.
Mercedes E 500 Sport.
and little Jimmy May...
Old cars are a sign of the times.
and finally...
101 uses for a woman
10 things you didn't know about the Apollo 11 moon landing
This week marks the 40th anniversary of humankind’s first steps on the moon. Auspiciously timed is Craig Nelson’s new book, Rocket Men–one of the most detailed accounts of the period leading up to the first manned moon mission. Here, we have ten little-known Apollo 11 facts unearthed by Craig during his research. (Rocket Men – Viking; $28). Click pic to buy a copy.
1. The Apollo’s Saturn rockets were packed with enough fuel to throw 100-pound shrapnel three miles, and NASA couldn’t rule out the possibility that they might explode on takeoff. NASA seated its VIP spectators three and a half miles from the launchpad.
2. The Apollo computers had less processing power than a cellphone.
3. Drinking water was a fuel-cell by-product, but Apollo 11’s hydrogen-gas filters didn’t work, making every drink bubbly. Urinating and defecating in zero gravity, meanwhile, had not been figured out; the latter was so troublesome that at least one astronaut spent his entire mission on an anti-diarrhoea drug to avoid it.
4. When Apollo 11’s lunar lander, the Eagle, separated from the orbiter, the cabin wasn’t fully depressurized, resulting in a burst of gas equivalent to popping a champagne cork. It threw the module’s landing four miles off-target.
5. Pilot Neil Armstrong nearly ran out of fuel landing the Eagle, and many at mission control worried he might crash. Apollo engineer Milton Silveira, however, was relieved: His tests had shown that there was a small chance the exhaust could shoot back into the rocket as it landed and ignite the remaining propellant.
6. The “one small step for man” wasn’t actually that small. Armstrong set the ship down so gently that its shock absorbers didn’t compress. He had to hop 3.5 feet from the Eagle’s ladder to the surface.
7. When Buzz Aldrin joined Armstrong on the surface, he had to make sure not to lock the Eagle’s door because there was no outer handle.
8. The toughest moonwalk task? Planting the flag. NASA’s studies suggested that the lunar soil was soft, but Armstrong and Aldrin found the surface to be a thin wisp of dust over hard rock. They managed to drive the flagpole a few inches into the ground and film it for broadcast, and then took care not to accidentally knock it over.
9. The flag was made by Sears, but NASA refused to acknowledge this because they didn’t want “another Tang.”
10. The inner bladder of the space suits—the airtight liner that keeps the astronaut’s body under Earth-like pressure—and the ship’s computer’s ROM chips were handmade by teams of “little old ladies.”
H/T DML
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'I Wed Iranian Girls Before Execution'
Ah, the Religion of Peace! So humanitarian! So moral!
How about cruel, depraved and psycho?
"In a shocking and unprecedented interview, directly exposing the inhumanity of Supreme Leader Ali Khamenei's religious regime in Iran, a serving member of the paramilitary Basiji militia has told this reporter of his role in suppressing opposition street protests in recent weeks.
"He has also detailed aspects of his earlier service in the force, including his enforced participation in the rape of young Iranian girls prior to their execution.
"Founded by Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini in 1979 as a "people's militia," the volunteer Basiji force is subordinate to the Iranian Revolutionary Guards and intensely loyal to Khomeini's successor, Khamenei." I Wed Iranian Girls Before Execution
John Jay asks, Where in the World is Christine Amanpour? Somewhere, no doubt, suffering patriarchy, Republicans, and Global Warming Deniers. How dreadful!
Irish Cicero
You've got artillery.
Greetings from the bottom of the world readers.
For those that are unaware I run a pre-gunpowder research group here in New Zealand. Very shortly an exhibition of my initial (three years worth) research will be opening. Being a poor student I survive entirely on the good will of sponsors and to date of eight large machines I have four that are sponsored by bloggers, in particular mil-blogger.
My two large trebuchets, Katie and Sir Isaac, are now the Battery of Argghh! See them in action here. Being sponsored by US artillery. Vespasian, one of only five lithobolos' in the world today, is sponsored by Canadian cavalry, while Chucky, my small onager goes to the New Zealand infantry. Are we seeing a theme?
Well anyway I chatted to Theo about it and we were going to put up bleg post in an effort to get other arms to take a shot at sponsoring a machine of their own. Then I thought, well hell, the liberals are already looking at me sideways but its guys like us that have already ponyed up for the machines, so what the hell. The machine pictured in the article, Marius will now be going into the exhibition with a credit of being sponsored by the readers of the Last of the Few, because I’m the magister tormentorum and I can do whatever I bloody like. Besides Theo has already made a donation to the cause.
So there you go, you have your own dedicated machine and your contributing to the education/corruption of minors. If you feel moved to throw some sheckles in the tip jar a donation can be made via paypal to my email address 22adartillery@gmail.com
Co-incidentally the exhibition opens August 8th which is my regiments Corps Day. Expect pictures. Name that battle and win ten points of your very own (Not open to denizens of Argghhh)
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