A man came home from work, sat down in his favorite chair, turned on the TV, and said to his wife, “Quick, bring me a beer before it starts”
She looked a little puzzled, but brought him a beer. When he finished it, he said, “Quick, bring me another beer. It’s gonna start.”
This time she looked a little angry, but brought him a beer.
When it was gone, he said, “Quick, another beer before it starts.”
“That’s it!” She blows her top, “You bastard! You waltz in here, flop your fat ass down, don’t even say hello to me and then expect me to run around like your slave. Don’t you realize that I cook and clean and wash and iron all day long?”
The husband sighed. “Oh shit, it started!”
H/T JMH
Tuesday, 15 September 2009
It Started ...
Monday, 14 September 2009
Thought for the Day.......
I have just been described as retarded, selfish, narrow minded, a drunk, a nutter, a depressive, a control freak and a peasant not forgetting the whole OCD thing. This by a woman claims to like me.
Meet British 'Justice'............
British Legal that can't, Media who won't identify the attackers, and of course The National Health System wait. This is an effing disgrace.
H/T Nebraska Bob
A Brave Man.........
A U.S. Soldier, from Joint Task Force Paladin C-IED Team 15, responds to an improvised explosive device call, to find an anti-tank mine, which was found, and detonated in place, on a main road through Alozi, Logar province, Afghanistan, June 11, 2009. (U.S. Army photo by Sgt. Joshua LaPere/Released)
H/T DML
Neosyndicalism
I spent most of my professional years exercising the power of the state at the modest level of state prosecution. What so many people on both the right and left don't understand is that any exercise of power involves human sin. Not all policeman are heroes. A lot of prosecutorial decisions are EVIL. Believe me, you DON'T want to give your healthcare choices over to the State.
The simple formula is this: markets create, markets destroy, and private entities can be sued or regulated -- not to mention the fact that businesses, like a free press and a free church, operate to modify impositions of evil. Government is . . . . authoritarian. Government demands obedience; business cannot, unless the State backs it. I consider it either stupid or treasonous to sit there and blithely talk about what the government can do for you. That's fine if you're Dutch or Cuban, but don't bring that crap to my country. The power of the state is a military power: it should only be used where force is necessary. Is that too abstract for ya?
Mark Steyn: Obama's War on Choice
What we've seen since Obama took office is a carefully orchestrated plan to put an over-arching authoritarian structure in place -- one that can't be challenged. It startles me that so many people can't see it when it's right in front of them: taking over car companies, taking over the banking and finance industries, putting Czars in place, elevating unions to the top of the power structure. It's one thing to prevent Enrons; it's quite another to put the State into business as your Daddy, because Daddy has guns and jails, see?
M.J. Motley connects the dots in Obama and Neosyndicalism. You guys need to confront your "liberal" friends about this before it's too late.
Blonde Cooking Diary........
It's fun to cook for Tom. Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately. The neighbours were nice enough to loan me some extra bowls.
Tom wanted fruit salad for supper. The recipe said serve without dressing. So I didn't dress. What a surprise when Tom brought a friend home for supper.
A good day for rice. The recipe said wash thoroughly before steaming the rice. It seemed kind of silly but I took a bath anyway. I can't say it improved the rice any.
Today Tom asked for salad again I tried a new recipe. It said prepare ingredients; lay on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving. Tom asked me why I was rolling around in the garden..
I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said put the ingredients in a bowl and beat it. There must have been something wrong with this recipe. When I got back, everything was the same as when I left.
Tom did the shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked me to dress it for Sunday. I don't have any clothes that fit it, and for some reason Tom keeps counting to ten.
Tom's folks came to dinner. I wanted to serve roast but all I had was hamburger. Suddenly I had a flash of genius.. I put the hamburger in the oven and set the controls for roast. It still came out hamburger, much to my disappointment.
GOOD NIGHT DEAR DIARY. This has been a very exciting week. I am eager for tomorrow to come so I can try out a new recipe on Tom. If I can talk Tom into buying a bigger oven, I would like to surprise him with a chocolate moose.
H/T DML
Dingos.....
The NSW Government and the NSW Greens were presenting an alternative to NSW Farmers for controlling the dingo population.
It seems that after years of the farmers using the tried and true methods of shooting and/or trapping the predators, the tree-huggers had a more humane' solution.
What they proposed was for the animals to be captured alive, the males would then be castrated and let loose again. Therefore the population would be controlled.
This was actually proposed to the NSW Farmers and Graziers Association by the NSW Government and the NSW Greens. All of the farmers thought about this amazing idea for a couple of minutes.
Finally, one of the old boys in the back of the conference room stood up, tipped his hat back and said,
"Son, I don't think you understand our problem....Those dingos ain't fuckin' our sheep - they're eatin' 'em!"
H/T Liz B
News.....
Osama bin Laden calls Barack Obama 'powerless'.
Ranger armoured vehicles rejected by MoD.
Iran snubs Barack Obama's nuclear talks.
Rashid Rauf 'training dozens of British terrorist recruits in Pakistan'.
50 Taliban killed after ambush on US troops.
EU officials say Robert Mugabe is obstacle to Zimbabwe aid deal.
Legendary man-eating New Zealand bird 'did exist'.
Whitehall employs dozens of union officials at taxpayers’ expense.
Dame Vera Lynn tops album chart
and finally....
Michael Moore And Harvey Weinstein Shut Out At Venice Film Festival; Israeli War Film 'Lebanon', U.S. Helmer Todd Solondz Win.
Quotes From The Perfect Woman:
1.) "I'll swallow it all...I just love the taste!"
2.) "Are you sure you've had enough beer?"
3.) "I'm bored. Let's shave my pussy!"
4.) "Oh come on, what do ya say we get a good porno movie, a case of beer, a few joints, and have my friend Tawnee over for a threesome!"
5.) "If I don't get to blow you soon, I swear I'm gonna bust!"
6.) "I know it's a lot tighter back there but would you please try again?"
7.) "You're so sexy when you're hung over."
8.) "I'd rather watch football and drink beer with you than go shopping."
9.) "Let's subscribe to Hustler."
10.) "Would you like to watch me go down on my girlfriend?"
11.) "Say, let's go down to the mall so you can check out women's asses."
12.) "I'll be out painting the house."
13.) "I love it when you play golf on Sunday's, I just wish you had time to play on Saturday, too."
14.) "Honey, our new neighbour's daughter is sunbathing again, come see!"
15.) "I've decided to stop wearing clothes around the house."
16.) "No, no, I'll take the car to have the oil changed."
17.) "Your mother did a great job raising you."
18.) "Do me a favor, forget the stupid Valentine's Day thing and buy yourself new clubs."
19.) "I understand fully. Our anniversary comes every year for God's sake. You go hunting with the guys, it's a wonderful stress reliever."
20.) "Shouldn't you be down at the bar with your buddies?"
21.) "Not the f**king mall again, come on let's go to that new strip joint!"
22.) "Listen, I make enough money for the both of us, why don't you retire and get that nagging handicap down to 7 or 8."
23.) "You need your sleep ya big silly, now stop getting up for the night feedings."
24.) "That was a great fart! Do another one!"
25.) "I signed up for yoga so that I can get my ankles behind my head for ya!"
H/T DML
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Man-ology..........
Because I’m a man, when I lock my keys in the car I will fiddle with a coat hanger long after hypothermia has set in. Calling AAA is not an option. I will win.
Because I’m a man, when the car isn’t running very well I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I’m looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, “I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn’t know where to start.” We will then drink a couple of beers and break wind, as a form of holy communion.
Because I’m a man, when I catch a cold I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You’re a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you this is no problem.
Because I’m a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like “cumin” or “tofu.” For all I know, these are the same thing.
Because I’m a man, when one of our appliances stops working I will insist on taking it apart despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.
Because I’m a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced I may miss a whole show looking for it, though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator (applies to engineers mainly).
Because I’m a man, there is no need to ask me what I’m thinking about. The true answer is always either sex, cars, sex, sports or sex. I have to make up something else when you ask so don’t ask.
Because I’m a man, I do not want to visit your mother or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother’s Day is okay. I don’t need to see it. And don’t forget to pick up something for my mother, too.
Because I’m a man, you don’t have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are if you’re crying at the end of it I didn’t. And if you
are feeling amorous afterwards, then I will certainly at least remember the name and recommend it to others.
Because I’m a man, I think what you’re wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?
Because I’m a man, and this is after all, the year 2009, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I’ll do the rest, like wandering around in the garden with a beer wondering what to do.
*This has been a public service message for women to better understand men.*
H/T DML
Sunday, 13 September 2009
The Sunday Best.....
Afghanistan's 'weekend jihadis'.
Barack Obama starts US talks with 'axis of evil': North Korea and Iran.
Taliban announces surrender in Swat Valley after leader Maulana Fazlullah 'arrested'.
Government accused of secret deal with Libya on murder of British policewoman.
British officer wins two gallantry awards for fending off Taliban attack with bayonet.
White House split over more troops for Afghanistan.
Al-Qaeda allies build huge Pakistan base.
General Rondot's notebook: how France considered assassinating terror suspects.
The S-300: a potent weapon and diplomatic bargaining counter.
Cut public spending, say voters.
Army to force out wounded soldiers.
Ugly corpse of ‘HillaryCare’ haunts Obama.
the Clarkypoos bit.......
Forget Antigua, 007 – all the real action is in Acacia Avenue.
Ferrari California.
and little Jimmy May
Motoring holiday in France? Not quite.
and finally
The FA Cup is coming to Margate
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Comments made in the year 1955!
‘I’ll tell you one thing, if things keep going the way they are, it’s going to be impossible to buy a week’s groceries for $20.00.
‘Have you seen the new cars coming out next year?
It won’t be long before $2,000.00 will only buy a used one.
‘If cigarettes keep going up in price, I’m going to quit. A quarter a pack is ridiculous.
‘Did you hear the post office is thinking about charging a dime just to mail a letter?
‘If they raise the minimum wage to $1.00, nobody will be able to hire outside help at the store. ‘
‘When I first started driving, who would have thought gas would someday cost 29 cents a gallon.. Guess we’d be better off leaving the car in the garage.
‘I’m afraid to send my kids to the movies any more.. Ever since they let Clark Gable get by with saying DAMN in GONE WITH THE WIND, it seems every new movie has either HELL or DAMN in it.
‘I read the other day where some scientist thinks it’s possible to put a man on the moon by the end of the century. They even have some fellows they call astronauts preparing for it down in Texas .
‘Did you see where some baseball player just signed a contract for $75,000 a year just to play ball? It wouldn’t surprise me if someday they’ll be making more than the President.
‘I never thought I’d see the day all our kitchen appliances would be electric. They are even making electric typewriters now.
‘It’s too bad things are so tough nowadays.. I see where a few married women are having to work to make ends meet.
‘It won’t be long before young couples are going to have to hire someone to watch their kids so they can both work.
‘I’m afraid the Volkswagen car is going to open the door to a whole lot of foreign business.
‘Thank goodness I won’t live to see the day when the Government takes half our income in taxes. I sometimes wonder if we are electing the best people to congress.
‘The drive-in restaurant is convenient in nice weather, but I seriously doubt they will ever catch on.
‘There is no sense going to Lincoln or Omaha anymore for a weekend, it costs nearly $15.00 a night to stay in a hotel.
‘No one can afford to be sick anymore, at $35.00 a day in the hospital it’s too rich for my blood.’
‘If they think I’ll pay 50 cents for a hair cut, forget it.’
H/T DML
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