H/T Mark Scott
Wednesday, 16 January 2008
News.....
Nice puppies!!
Gordon Brown condemns 'incompetent' Hain as he begs watchdogs to spare Minister in donations row. He is therefore unfit to be a minister. Sack him immeadiately.
TV presenter awarded £2,000 compensation for arrest following 'one-legged, lesbian lorry driver' speech. Good sense at last.
A third jail for foreigners is planned as just 111 accept Government 'bribe' to go home. Shut the borders and start deporting. We are now full. And while we are at it we should deport some of the workshy slackers clogging up the benefits system.
Fee-paying schools must take poor pupils. Why? More socialist rubbish. Let's all be as thick as a liberal.
House prices drop 'at fastest rate in 15 years'. My heart bleeds.
US wants stronger terror checks on travellers from Europe. Don't blame them. Europe is heading towards calamity.
Outcry as Muslim Marks & Spencer worker refuses to sell book on Christianity, calling it unclean. Deportation for this one.
An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.
The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, "Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly."
The other man said, "What is the name of the restaurant?"
The first man thought and thought and finally said, "What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know... The one that's red and has thorns."
"Do you mean a rose?"
"Yes, that's the one," replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?"
H/T Jeffrey Nihart
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This is for all you history buffs.
It was March 6, 1836. On that fateful day, Davy Crockett woke up and rose from his bunk on the main floor of the Alamo where 183 men waited to do battle. He then walked up to the observation post along the west wall of this fort. William B. Travis and Jim Bowie were already there, looking out over the top of the wall. These three great men gazed at the horde of over 7000 Mexicans moving steadily toward them.
With a puzzled look on his face, Crockett turned to Bowie and said, "Jim,are we having some landscaping done today?"
H/T Nebraska Bob
Tuesday, 15 January 2008
Quote of the day....
" I know that there are still Trotskyites out there because I travel with the media on the bus....!" John McCain
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'
'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world..' Puff! She's gone.
'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.'
Puff! He's gone.
'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.'
H/T Liz B
UNITED AIRLINES LOW APPROACH IN FRANKFURT
This was a retirement flight of the captain. It was filmed from the tower.
Nice fun for the captain, the passengers and the atc controller.
News and views....
Cameron vows to scrap MPs' gold-plated pensions in bid to restore voter confidence. Good! Make the freeloading pondlife work for a living like the rest of us, and then have to survive on the state pension.
The birds that will flee Britain because of the changing climate - complete and utter piffle.
Tory baroness, 84, uses handbag to whack cyclist who jumped a red light. Give the old girl a Glock!!
Guantanamo clouds George Bush's Saudi visit. When Shoddy Arabia stop funding terror and promoting Wahabism they can have a say. Until then they are just another bunch of 'tame' Arabs whose usefulness is limited. Without US support the House of Saud would be toast.
Revealed: £1 billion Olympics black hole. It just gets better and better...
Clintons forced into damage limitation tactics. They are going down smelling of......
My best one yet!! No apologies for reposting.
Squandered oil bonanza may bring down Iranian President. If a couple of Iran's oil refineries were to accidentally catch fire they will really be in the s**t.
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A Thing of Beauty.....
Damascus Double Barrel shotgun. This is a beautiful double barrel shotgun by Mortimer. It has been completely restored to like new condition.
Feel free to buy it HERE
H/T Canis 61
FIREARMS REFRESHER COURSE
1. An armed man is a citizen. An unarmed man is a victim.
2. A gun in the hand is better than a cop on the phone.
3. Colt: The original point and click interface.
4. Gun control is not about guns; it's about control.
5. If guns are outlawed, can we use swords?
6. If guns cause crime, then pencils cause misspelled words.
7. Free men do not ask permission to bear arms.
8. If you don't know your rights, you don't have any..
9. Those who trade liberty for security have neither.
10. The United States Constitution (c)1791. All Rights Reserved.
11. What part of 'shall not be infringed' do you not understand?
12. The Second Amendment is in place in case the politicians ignore the others.
13. 64,999,987 firearms owners killed no one yesterday.
H/T Canis 61
Monday, 14 January 2008
We invented the hovercraft, yet we have none.....
...ok the Royal Marines have some itty bitty ones but nothing in this league.
THE YEARS BEST (ACTUAL) HEADLINES FOR 2007 part 2
Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
[They may be on to something!]
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
[You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?]
Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
[he probably IS the battery charge!] < /P>
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
[Weren't they fat enough?!]
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas
in Spacecraft
[That's what he gets for eating those beans!]
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
[Taste like chicken?]
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
[Chainsaw Massacre all over again!]
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
[Boy, are they tall!]
And the winner is....
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
H/T Shelly
Forget Rednecks, here is what Jeff Foxworthy has to say about Canucks....
If your local Dairy Queen is closed from September through May,you may live in Canada .
If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance and they don't work there, you may live in Canada .
If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you may live in Canada
If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you may live in Canada
If "Vacation" means going anywhere south of Muncie for the weekend, you may live in Canada .
If you measure distance in hours, you may live in Canada
If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once, you may live in Canada
If you have switched from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back again, you may live in Canada
If you can drive 90 kms/hr through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching, you may live in Canada
If you install security lights on your house and garage, but leave both unlocked, you may live in Canada
If you carry jumpers in your car and your wife knows how to use them, you may live in Canada
If you design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit, you may live in Canada
If the speed limit on the highway is 80km -- you're going 90 and everybody is passing you, you may live in Canada
If driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow, you may live in Canada
If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction, you may live in Canada
If you have more miles on your snow blower than your car, you may live in Canada .
If you find 2 degrees "a little chilly", you may live in Canada
H/T Pete Hurrell a Brit in Canada. Incidentally some of my happiest times were spent in Canada.
They obviously didn't like the room service....
Taleban attack Kabul luxury hotel. Sadly there have been casualties among the good guys. This is one of the most heavily guarded hotels in the world!
Al Qaeda Is Building a White Army of Terror. Time to brush off the treason laws. Tip: buy shares in a gallows manufacturer.
Jenna Jameson is retiring......
..retiring is not a word I would have used to describe her!!
Jenna Jameson stunned everyone at the AVN (Adult Video News) Awards by announcing her retirement from the porn industry. "Honesty is key, I will never ever ever spread my legs again in this industry. Ever!"
An Aussie Party - Australia
16 year old holds party for hundreds of kids while parents are on holiday. Hot newsgirl.
News of sorts....
Muslim PC laughs off Secret Santa gift of bacon... but bosses force friend who gave it to quit. Oh for f**ks sake. 9 am on a Monday and I am already fed up with this country.
Flooding fear after parts of Britain are hit with a month's rainfall in 24 hours. If they will build houses on flood plains!
UK bins £8bn of food each year, study claims. Welcome to a greedy self-centered and selfish society.
Town's last fishing boat fights tide and time. EU membership has destroyed our fishing and screwed up aoy farming. We need to restore the 12 mile limit and ban all foreign trawlers from our waters.
Dubya sends expert to Mid-East conference....
...why does he look like Blair?
H/T
The Elephant Bar via Nebraska Bob
Poll Result...personally I think we will attack Iran this year.
Thought for the day.......................
Calling an illegal alien an "undocumented immigrant" is like calling a drug dealer an "unlicensed pharmacist?
H/T Ian Hunter
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THE GEOGRAPHY OF WOMEN
Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa, half discovered, half wild, fertile, and naturally beautiful!
Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe, well developed and open to trade, especially for someone with cash.
Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain, very hot, relaxed, and convinced of her own beauty.
Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece, gently aging, but still a warm and desirable place to visit.
Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain, with a glorious and all conquering past.
Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel, has been through war and doesn't make the same mistakes twice; takes care of business.
Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada, self-preserving but open to meeting new people.
After 70, she becomes Tibet, wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages...only those with an adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge visit there.
THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN.
Between 1 and 70, a man is like Iran , ruled by a prick.
H/T Shelly
A five-year-old boy and his grandfather are sitting on the front porch together, when grandpa pulled a beer out of the cooler. The little boy asked, "Grandpa, can I have a beer?" Grandpa replied, "Can your pecker touch your ass?" The little boy answered, "No Grandpa, it's just a little pecker!" Grandpa said, "Then you're not man enough to have a beer."
A little later Grandpa lit up a cigar. The little boy asked, "Grandpa, can I have a cigar?" Once again, Grandpa asked, "Can your pecker touch your ass?" The little boy answered "no," again. Grandpa said, "Then you're not man enough to have a cigar."
A little later, the boy came out of the house with some cookies and milk. Grandpa asked, "Can I have a cookie?" The boy asked, "Can your pecker touch your ass?" Grandpa replied, "Hell yeah, my pecker can touch my ass!"
The boy replied, "Then go f**k yourself! Grandma made these for me."
H/T Canis 61
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