Thursday, 11 December 2008
Wine Sayings...
“Remember gentlemen, it’s not just France we are fighting for, it’s Champagne!”Winston Churchill
“I have lived temperately. I double the doctor’s recommendation of a glass and a half of wine a day and even treble it with a friend.”Thomas Jefferson
“If God forbade drinking, would he have made wine so good?”
Cardinal Richelieu
“Wine is the drink of the gods, milk the drink of babies, tea the drink of women and water the drink of beasts.”
John Stuart Blackie
“Let us have wine and women, mirth and laughter, Sermons and soda-water the day after.”Lord Byron, Don Juan
“There are two things a Highlander likes naked, and one of them is malt whisky.”
Scottish proverb
“You have only so many bottles in your life, never drink a bad one.”
Len Evans
“It is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend; one’s present or future thirst; the excellence of the wine; or any other reason.”
Latin saying
“The best use of bad wine is to drive away poor relations.”
French proverb
“The discovery of a wine is of greater moment than the discovery of a constellation. The universe is too full of stars.”Benjamin Franklin
H/T Old Dude
Tech Support......
Tech support: 'What kind of computer do you have?'
Female customer:'A white one...'
..........................................................
Tech support: 'Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.'
Customer: 'Your left or my left?'
..........................................................
Tech support: 'Good day. How may I help you?'
Male customer: 'Hello... I can't print.'
Tech support: 'Would you click on 'start' for me and...'
Customer: 'Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates.'
..........................................................
Customer: 'I have problems printing in red...'
Tech support: 'Do you have a colour printer?'
Customer: 'Aaaah....................thank you.'
..........................................................
Tech support: 'What's on your monitor now, ma'am?'
Customer: 'A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at Woolies.'
H/T Rodney
Top Toys.....
...this is an intersting list and I am sure everyone has a favorite or one they think has been missed out.
Borrowed from
The Strong Museum of Play
Hero of the Day....Peer Steinbruck.
German Minister attacks 'depressing' UK economic rescue.
He is right. Private debt and greedy banks got us into this mess and public debt will not solve it. If anything it will make matters a lot worse a lot quicker. A Scottish Socialist Prime Minister and a Scottish Socialist Chancellor bailed out a bunch of Scottish bankers and Northern Rock Numpties. Savings should have been protected and the banks left to go under. The 'good' banks will survive and the bad ones go under.
Well and truly spun....
Helicopters order secures jobs. This story started out as 'Royal Navy's carriers may be delayed'. Now the BBC no doubt at the behest of their Labour masters are playing up a few jobs and some choppers and the carrier delay is a bit stuck on the end. The military need both choppers and carriers (and shed loads of other stuff)now. If the government is short of a few quid to finance it they could always sell off the BBC.
News....
Just ONE euro to the pound: Cost of European holidays soar as sterling sinks to 18-year low. Brown hasn't a clue what he is doing.
This field belongs to Jim! Farmer carves his name in giant letters on snow-covered field with a slurry spreader. He should have written 'Brown is a c**t'.
Which reminds me of this story.
'I also despair at those who complain about low-flying RAF jets. One farmer in Wales became so fed up with the sound of the man-made thunder that he wrote “piss off Biggles” on the roof of his house. Happily, every flyboy went over there for a look-see.' from Clarkypoos.
The £1.75m freeloaders: Squatters take over King Edward VII's Brighton mansion. Nothing a spot of tear gas won't cure.
A gun in granny's post... rifle meant for a police HQ gets lost lost in the mail. I would have kept it.
Santa doesn't exist: What a blundering teacher told her tearful class of seven-year-olds. Sack the bitch.
Marking in red pen 'can damage students'. measures dismissed as "kooky, loony, loopy lefty" by opposition politicians.
Nazis drew up secret plans for Kamikaze bomb plane to attack Britain. Tut tut. Just not cricket.
BBC merger plan to prevent Channel 4 from going bust. Why not sell both off. They are both blatantly liberal. Only about 10% of their output is worth watching.
5,000 US troops to help British with Taleban stalemate in Afghanistan. We need all the help we can get. We also need to reverse all the troop cuts since 1990.
Women refuse to be silenced by Robert Mugabe. Good girls.
Lawyers march as more dissidents are snatched in Zimbabwe. The masses are starting to rise up. It's only a matter of time now.
Cholera is 'S African disaster'. The only way to stop the spread is to get rid of Mugabe.
B&Q staff trash hotel at Christmas party. If the rumours a right it will be their last one. B&Q is heading the same way as Woolworths, MFI and Focus.
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
Wednesday, 10 December 2008
.jpg)
A Christmas Story for people having a bad day:
When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure.
Then Mrs Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.
When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.
Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.
Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drank all the cider and hidden the liquor. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.
Just then the doorbell rang, and irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.
The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?'
And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.
H/Ts Everyone
.jpg)
.gif)
.jpg)
10 things you learn from sex videos....
1. Women wear high heels to bed.
2. Men are never impotent.
3. Women enjoy having sex with ugly, middle-aged men.
4. Women always orgasm when men do.
5. A blowjob will always get a woman off a speeding ticket.
6. All women are noisy f**ks.
7. Double penetration makes women smile.
8. Nurses love to suck patient's cocks.
9. Women never have headaches.
10. Men don't have to beg.
Dating Rituals:
WHITE WOMEN
First date: You get to kiss her goodnight.
Second date: You get to grope all over and make out.
Third date: You get to have sex, but only in the missionary position.
IRISH WOMEN
First Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
Second Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
20th Anniversary: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
ITALIAN WOMEN
First Date: You take her to a play and an expensive restaurant.
Second Date: You meet her parents and her Mom makes spaghetti and meatballs.
Third Date: You have sex, she wants to marry you and insists on a 3-carat ring.
5th Anniversary: You already have 5 kids together and hate the thought of having sex.
6th Anniversary: You find yourself a girlfriend.
JEWISH WOMEN
First Date: You get dynamite oral sex.
Second Date: You get more great oral sex.
Third Date: You tell her you'll marry her and you never get oral sex again.
CHINESE WOMEN
First date: You get to buy her an expensive dinner, but nothing happens.
Second date: You buy her an even more expensive dinner. Nothing hapens again.
Third date: You don't even get to the third date and you already realized nothing is going to happen.
INDIAN WOMEN
First date: Meet her parents.
Second date: Set the date of the wedding.
Third date: Wedding night.
BLACK WOMEN
First Date: You get to buy her a real expensive dinner.
Second Date: You get to buy her and her girlfriends a real expensive dinner.
Third Date: You get to pay her rent.
Tenth Date: She's pregnant by someone other than you.
MEXICAN WOMEN
First Date: You buy her an expensive dinner, get drunk on tequila, and have sex in the back of her car.
Second Date: She's pregnant.
Third Date: She moves in. One week later, her mother, father, his girlfriend, her two sisters, her brother, all of their kids, her grandma, her father's girlfriend's mother, her two cousins, her sister's boyfriend and his three kids move in ... and you live on rice and beans for the rest of your life in your home that used to be nice, but now looks like a home along the Rio Grande.
The POINT?
DON'T YOU JUST LOVE IRISH WOMEN?
H/T Shelly
News...
Eat more camel to save the environment, experts urge. I will have the 'hump steak'!!!
1.16 Million Muslims in Israel, Growth Rate Slowing. It's about the only place their growth rate is slowing.
'Back door' amnesty for 180,000 asylum seekers who slipped through the net. How do you lose 180,000 people? Only the Home Office could manage it.
The Queen's Royal Palaces let down over wait for £32million building work. Our heritage must be preserved. There again Labour hate the monarchy.
Nearly 1 billion people are starving, UN food agency says. There is no need for people to go hungry. How much of this is down to corrupt governments?
Men prefer women with long wavy hair. Oh yes. Also long skirts!
Pakistan: We're ready for war with India. Are they ready for war with the rest of us?
Government to create more playgrounds to combat Britain's 'no ball games culture'. More spin. The teachers unions did most of the damage with their ban on competitive sports.
UK faces energy blackouts without investment in nuclear and clean coal. Back to the Dark Ages.
Zimbabwe opposition activists abducted. It's simple. Kill Mugabe!
Russian diplomat: Iran not yet able to build nuclear bomb. But they can buy one. Anyone done a warhead count in Pakistan recently.
Benefits to be paid only to those who show they are looking hard for work. Spin. Unemployment is going up and job vacancies are going down.
Farm family left 115 animals to starve in pens of rotting horses, court told. Hang the scum.
Cholera ravages population weak with hunger in Robert Mugabe's Zimbabwe. And still nothing is being done. Words will not save lives.
Barack Obama stays silent over Robert Mugabe's rule in Zimbabwe. These Black Marxists always stick together.
Taking risks with bailout for U.S. automakers.
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
WWII Trivia....
You might enjoy this from history buff Col D. G. Swinford, USMC, Ret.
You have to dig deep for facts like these:
1. The first German serviceman killed in WW II was killed by the Japanese (China, 1937), the first American serviceman killed was killed by the Russians (Finland 1940); highest ranking American killed was Lt Gen Lesley McNair, killed by the US Army Air Corps. So much for allies.
2. T he youngest US serviceman was 12 year old Calvin Graham, USN. He was wounded and given a Dishonorable Discharge for lying about his age. His benefits were later restored by act of Congress.
3. At the time of Pearl Harbor, the top US Navy command was called CINCUS (pronounced "sink us"), the shoulder patch of the US Army's 45th Infantry division was the Swastika, and Hitler's private train was named " Amerika." All three were soon changed for PR purposes.!
4. More US servicemen died in the Air Corps than the Marine Corps. While completing the required 30 missions, your chance of being killed was 71%.
5. Generally speaking, there was no such thing as an average fighter pilot. You were either an ace or a target. For instance, Japanese Ace Hiroyoshi Nishizawa shot down over 80 planes. He died while a passenger on a cargo plane.
6. It was a common practice on fighter planes to load every 5th round with a tracer round to aid in aiming. This was a mistake. Tracers had different ballistics so (at long range) if your tracers were hitting the target 80% of your rounds were missing. Worse yet tracers instantly told your enemy he was under fire and from which direction. Worst of all was the practice of loading a string of tracers at the
end of the belt to tell you that you were out of ammo. This was definitely not something you wanted to tell the enemy. Units that stopped using tracers saw their success rate nearly double and their loss rate go down.
7. When allied armies reached the Rhine, the first thing men did was pee in it. This was pretty universal from the lowest private to Winston Churchill (who made a big show of it) and Gen. Patton, who had himself photographed in the act.
8. German Me-264 bombers were capable of bombing New York City, but they decided it wasn't worth the effort.
9. German submarine U-1206 was sunk by a malfunctioning toilet.
10. Among the first "Germans" captured at Normandy were several Koreans. They had been forced to fight for the Japanese Army until they were captured by the Russians, and forced to fight for the Russian Army until they were captured by the Germans, and forced to fight for the German Army until they were captured by the US Army.
SAVING THE BEST FOR LAST....
11. Following a massive naval bombardment, 35,000 United States and Canadian troops stormed ashore at Kiska, in the Aleutian Islands. 21 troops were killed in the assault. It would have been worse if there had been any Japanese on the island.
H/T Shelly
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
