....saving the rainforest. Well worth a look.
Wednesday, 6 May 2009
Puns....
1. The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still..
4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.
5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his orders.
6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blown apart.
9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, 'You sta y here; I'll go on a head.'
14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'
16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmo t her telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.'
17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
19. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
20. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
21. A backward poet writes inverse.
22. In democracy it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.
23. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
24. Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!
H/T Shelly
Tuesday, 5 May 2009
Blog Post of the Day.....
Australia prepares for America’s decline. Pity the British government doesn't have the same foresight. Obama could get us all into a whole lot of trouble which we are not prepared for.
H/T Nebraska Bob
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More handouts with our money.......from Rico
Handout specialist and professional nose-wiper Obama is tossing MORE taxpayer money at irresponsible home buyers (you cannot call them home owners because these folks don't 'own' anything except debt).
"The Second Lien program."
This is more hopey-changey help for...you know who I mean...the money morons and Obama voters who, having no money for a cash down payment, used a second mortgage to close their home purchase. Now the poor dears are "upset" because the governments $50 billion dollar mortgage rescue plan isn't working for them. [They can't have their 1st mortgages re-worked because that 'mean' old 'unfair' 2nd mortgage is in the way. Dayumn...who'dda thought?]
But never fear, First Comrade Obama and his "team" are on the job. When it comes to HOPE and CHANGE and FAIRNESS for Americans who are financially reckless, their largesse with our money knows no bounds!
Taxes are going up. I s**t you not!
Priceless: An excuse from jury duty......
Click to enlarge
I have painted out the surname to protect this genius.
H/T Stormbringer who has written a great bit on Caligula's horse aka Al Franken
The First 'Jetliner'.....
.....technically the DH Comet wasn't called a jetliner.
Wiki here
H/T Peter Gunn
Stock Market Jargon......
BULL MARKET - A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET - A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewellery, and the husband gets no sex.
VALUE INVESTING - The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO - The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
BROKER - What my broker has made me.
STANDARD & POOR - Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST - Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT - When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
FINANCIAL PLANNER - A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
MARKET CORRECTION - The day after you buy stocks.
CASH FLOW-- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
YAHOO - What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for £40 per share.
WINDOWS - What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ £240 per share.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR - Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
SHARES- Not something selfish individuals buy.
INDUSTRIAL AVERAGE- The private sector's answer to public education standards so industrialists won't feel bad too.
PROFIT - An archaic word no longer in use.
H/T DML
News....
Foreign stand-in GP leaves two patients dead... but will escape British justice despite admitting manslaughter. Universal healthcare in action.
Now the EU slams Alistair Darling's rapid economic recovery forecast. Darling is the second worst chancellor in history after Brown.
The new male contraceptive jab that is nearly 100% effective. Apart from the needle bit. Actually if christians don't start breeding like rabbits we will be lucky to survive the century.
Licence to let will hit all private landlords. More private sector regulation. Slumlords should have their property confiscated. Good landlords should be left in peace.
Unknown soldiers from Battle of Fromelles to be identified. Let's hope they manage to identify them all.
Pakistan troops clash with Taleban as Swat Valley truce breaks down. Which idiot thought a truce with the Taleban would work.
Iraq security at risk in crackdown on militias who fought al-Qaeda. Obama's 'cut and run' is going to backfire big time.
Barack Obama cracks down on tax havens and loopholes in bid to net $210bn. Is there anyone he has no pissed off?
French excel at eating and sleeping, survey finds. They have to excel at something.
Economic downturn 'twice as bad as feared'. The Euro will be lucky to survive.
US 'concerned Taliban will snatch Pakistan's nuclear weapons'. No s**t.
Discovered: 200 trillion cubic feet of natural gas. And it's not in the Red Shed.
and finally.....
Tea Party Patriots have plans for July 4th.
Stem Cell Moment of Truth. (H/T JMH)
The Eurovision Song Contest just got interesting....
...yep the German entry features Dita Von Teese stripping. Wogan is going to miss this. I don't see Andrew Lloyd Webber beating this.
Movie Review: 'The Wrestler'......
Short Review: The film centers on a sweaty, shirtless middle-aged man wearing tights and I'm still recommending it. Yes, its that good.
Read Scott's full review.
English as per EU commission.....
The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy.. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.
Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.
By the 4th yer peple wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".
During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl.
Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.
Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.
If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl.
H/T M Kohl
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20 things you didn't know about death......
1 The practice of burying the dead may date back 350,000 years, as evidenced by a 45-foot-deep pit in Atapuerca, Spain, filled with the fossils of 27 hominids of the species Homo heidelbergensis, a possible ancestor of Neanderthals and modern humans.
2 Never say die: There are at least 200 euphemisms for death, including “to be in Abraham’s bosom,” “just add maggots,” and “sleep with the Tribbles” (a Star Trek favourite).
3 No American has died of old age since 1951.
4 That was the year the government eliminated that classification on death certificates.
5 The trigger of death, in all cases, is lack of oxygen. Its decline may prompt muscle spasms, or the “agonal phase,” from the Greek word agon, or contest.
6 Within three days of death, the enzymes that once digested your dinner begin to eat you. Ruptured cells become food for living bacteria in the gut, which release enough noxious gas to bloat the body and force the eyes to bulge outward.
7 So much for recycling: Burials in America deposit 827,060 gallons of embalming fluid—formaldehyde, methanol, and ethanol—into the soil each year. Cremation pumps dioxins, hydrochloric acid, sulphur dioxide, and carbon dioxide into the air.
8 Alternatively . . . A Swedish company, Promessa, will freeze-dry your body in liquid nitrogen, pulverize it with high-frequency vibrations, and seal the resulting powder in a cornstarch coffin. They claim this “ecological burial” will decompose in 6 to 12 months.
9 Zoroastrians in India leave out the bodies of the dead to be consumed by vultures.
10 The vultures are now dying off after eating cattle carcasses dosed with diclofenac, an anti-inflammatory used to relieve fever in livestock.
11 Queen Victoria insisted on being buried with the bathrobe of her long-dead husband, Prince Albert, and a plaster cast of his hand.
12 If this doesn’t work, we’re trying in vitro! In Madagascar, families dig up the bones of dead relatives and parade them around the village in a ceremony called famadihana. The remains are then wrapped in a new shroud and reburied. The old shroud is given to a newly married, childless couple to cover the connubial bed.
13 During a railway expansion in Egypt in the 19th century, construction companies unearthed so many mummies that they used them as fuel for locomotives.
14 Well, yeah, there’s a slight chance this could backfire: English philosopher Francis Bacon, a founder of the scientific method, died in 1626 of pneumonia after stuffing a chicken with snow to see if cold would preserve it.
15 For organs to form during embryonic development, some cells must commit suicide. Without such programmed cell death, we would all be born with webbed feet, like ducks.
16 Waiting to exhale: In 1907 a Massachusetts doctor conducted an experiment with a specially designed deathbed and reported that the human body lost 21 grams upon dying. This has been widely held as fact ever since. It’s not.
17 Buried alive: In 19th-century Europe there was so much anecdotal evidence that living people were mistakenly declared dead that cadavers were laid out in “hospitals for the dead” while attendants awaited signs of putrefaction.
18 Eighty percent of people in the United States die in a hospital.
19 If you can’t make it here . . . More people commit suicide in New York City than are murdered.
20 It is estimated that 100 billion people have died since humans began.
H/T DML
Monday, 4 May 2009
Geoff Burch - Top UK Sales Guru
Here's Geoff speaking at a Communicate with Clarity event run by me late last year.
Cutting both ways........from Rico
This cuts both ways. I'm sure some LIBRULS see Amerikkka this way. I sure see huge swaths of uselessness from my perspective, too.
California and NY as GAY? Why YES, they haven't had any testosterone in many a decade...
But, to be more scientific, compare how the redneck map and what is REALLY being reflected in the economy today. Yup! The leftists are screwing the pooch wherever their fantasies are implemented.
THAT's the real reason to vote with your feet and decide which country you want to live in...
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Thoughts to think about...........
I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes..
Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.
The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?
Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
In the 60’s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, “I think I’ll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?”
Who was the first person to say, “See that chicken there? I’m gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt.”
Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
H/T DML
Light News.....
Toy soldiers under fire: The all-male and all-white MoD heroes. I don't see a problem. Although if anyone could f**k up a doll it's the MoD.
Paramedic tried to buy wine wearing only his thong after supermarket staff 'refused to serve him in uniform'. Sod Tesco.
Tax Google to help the BBC, say ministers. No way. The BBC needs to finance its-self.
Fresh setback for £1.2bn nuclear submarine HMS Astute. Another Bae Systems fiasco. They should face massive fines for every project which is late and over budget.
London 'dirtiest and most expensive city'. Sad but true.
Heroes welcome for returning Afghanistan tour soldiers. Welcome home lads.
Britain accused of 'deserting' Iraqi interpreters. No surprises there.
Doh! Pirates captured after attacking the wrong ship. Hee hee.
and finally a new mil-blog
Afghan Lessons Learned for Soldiers
and john brown -- in his own words
also
Free Speech Petition
Cool Thingy of the Day.....
A unique view of the Sistine Chapel.
You must look at this and use the arrows for a 360 round and up. Give it a moment to get in focus.
H/T Shelly
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Five surgeons from big cities are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on.
The first surgeon, from Manchester, says, 'I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.'
The second, from Leeds, responds, 'Yes, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is colour coded.'
The third surgeon, from Birmingham, says, 'No, I really think librarians are the best, everything inside them is in alphabetical order.'
The fourth surgeon, from Derby, chimes in: 'you know, I like construction workers... Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over.'
But the fifth surgeon, from London, 'no you're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains and no spine and the head and the ass are interchangeable.'
H/T Killem
Obama's first 100 days............
DAY 100: Everything all fixed.
DAY 99: President Obama is relieved to find out that no one really pays attention to a president's second 100 days in office.
DAY 98: An ear of corn wakes up in the middle of the night screaming, "Vilsack!!"
DAY 97: Obama falls victim to the so-called "black presidents' curse," which holds that every African-American president will stub his toe trying to walk to the bathroom in the early morning hours of his 97th day in office.
DAY 96: President Obama gets halfway through a 4-page letter on his desk before realizing it was for Barack Obama of Spokane, WA.
DAY 95: President Obama furiously asks Cabinet who unlocked Sakura on his Street Fighter IV save file.
DAY 94: Homeless man and Obama doppelgänger Tom Banks meets the president outside a D.C. restaurant and convinces him to secretly trade places for a week, a decision Obama will come to rue.
DAY 93: Taking his cue from President Obama's $800 billion stimulus bill, HUD Secretary Shaun Donovan goes on a spending spree not seen since the days of Caligula.
DAY 92: Secretary of Energy Steven Chu converts self into a sentient ball of energy.
DAY 91: Rahm Emanuel takes a deep breath, counts to 10, and reminds himself that it's not the envelope's fault.
DAY 90: Although he disagrees with many of his predecessor's policies, President Obama has to admit Bush left behind a pretty sweet home entertainment system.
DAY 89: To make up for missing the Opening Day first pitch, President Obama closes out the ninth for the Nationals.
DAY 88: White House senior adviser David Axelrod has to rush home to Chicago when he suddenly realizes he left his car in a two-hour parking zone in January.
DAY 87: Without alerting the president or anyone on his staff, White House counsel Greg Craig secretly decides to zone out for an entire day's worth of meetings.
DAY 86: Michelle Obama is busy hosting a conference on education reform, so the president has to attend a state dinner alone and carry around a de la Renta gown for the press to critique.
DAY 85: President Obama was totally about to stop illegal federal wiretapping, but got distracted by this phone call and then dinner and suddenly, it was bedtime.
DAY 84: Joe Biden meets with Treasury Secretary Geithner to discuss economic policy and whether you need to pay taxes on an old suitcase full of money you happened to find in a park 15 years ago.
DAY 83: The White House Easter Egg Roll sounded really good in Obama's speeches, but the event was undermined by policy complications, partisan rancor, and the economic crisis.
DAY 82: Although the leather-bound Mark Twain collection is very nice and all, Russian President Medvedev thought he made it clear that he wanted a Predator poster signed by Arnold Schwarzenegger.
DAY 81: Al Franken sets up another game of Boggle.
DAY 80: Robert Gibbs lets a rookie reporter repeat his question a third time before savoring ripping him apart.
DAY 79: Secretary Of Transportation Ray LaHood simply wants to know which Metrorail line Secretary Of Commerce Gary Locke is blaming for his late arrival to the Cabinet meeting.
DAY 78: Hastily organizing the staff Passover seder, Rahm Emanuel informs Peter Orszag that he will sing the damned four questions whether he likes it or not.
DAY 77: During an Agriculture Department staff meeting, the tension between Secretary Tom Vilsack and a nearby ear of corn becomes unbearable.
DAY 76: Snipers on the White House roof watch the NCAA Championship through a window on M Street.
DAY 75: The massive G20 protests that cost a man his life and British taxpayers $10 million in security are revealed to be a guerrilla marketing campaign for Cadbury Eggs.
DAY 74: Budget director Peter Orszag continues to refer to all of his policies as "Orszagian."
DAY 73: Press Secretary Gibbs stumps the entire press corps when he responds to the question “How do we know the president didn’t call for the AIG bonuses himself?” with a question of his own: “How do we know that the entire universe isn't just some sleeping dog's dream?”
DAY 72: Joe Biden accidentally drops his briefcase, which pops open to reveal a comb, a tube of Binaca, and a dog-eared copy of Oui.
DAY 71: The president exculpates Harrisburg, PA native Raymond La Forge during the traditional "pardoning of the fool" for April Fools’ Day.
DAY 69: In a drawn-out mating ritual, Eric Shinseki frantically chases a female Shinseki around the White House until, sufficiently impressed, the female acquiesces.
DAY 68: WhiteHouse.gov administrators clear out nine people still hanging around in the online town hall.
DAY 67: Obama helps out coworker by taking a shift at the White House gift shop.
DAY 66: White House Chef Cristeta Comerford gives a blank, puzzled stare when Biden asks for 'Eggs Biden.'
DAY 65: Following a state dinner, Obama lets the U.S. Marine Band know their soul version of "Hail to the Chief" will not be necessary.
DAY 64: Democratic fundraiser Wade Randlett thought he would be important enough to garner a meeting with the President during his trip to the White House, but is instead only given an uncomfortable ten minute face to face with Secretary of Labor Hilda Solis's wayward brother Hector.
DAY 63: Agriculture Secretary Tom Vilsak wakes suddenly at 3 a.m. in a cold sweat screaming, "Corn!"
DAY 62: A sweaty, out-of-breath Joe Biden bursts into a Cabinet meeting to inform everyone that if a big guy named Ivan comes around looking for him, he "ain't here."
DAY 61: Chris Dillard of Bethesda, MD, receives the first new job under Obama's stimulus plan, being tasked with flipping the numbers on the White House scoreboard every time a new job is created.
DAY 60: Obama spends most of the day on the roof of the White House cleaning the gutters in order to teach his daughters a lesson about something or another.
DAY 59: A temporary lull in the White House's efforts to push legislation through Congress leaves the GOP dangerously close to being forced to decide what its beliefs and solutions for the country are.
DAY 58: Rahm Emmanuel sends out a memo forbidding any more graphical depictions of what a billion dollars in stacked $1 bills looks like.
DAY 57: Secret service agent Ted Scharpling stumps fellow agent Neal Vianna when he asks Vianna what he would do if Michelle Obama came at the president with a modified Glock 19 automatic.
DAY 56: To mark St. Patrick's Day, most of the White House staff wears green, except for Joe Biden, who never makes it into work.
DAY 55: Several weeks after reportedly being bit by a sheep dog, Eric Holder transforms into the shaggy attorney general at a critical moment during a press conference.
DAY 54: Obama's personal aide Reggie Love informs The New York Times that he's changed a lot since his May 27, 2008, profile and suggests they do a follow-up.
DAY 53: White House luncheon guests share a moment of awkwardness when someone says, "Madame, first lady," and both Hillary Clinton and Michelle Obama turn around.
DAY 52: After refusing to take some of his state's stimulus money due to disagreements with the bill, Mississippi governor Haley Barbour wakes up to another burning tire on his lawn.
DAY 51: Reaching a milestone common for new presidents, Obama spends the afternoon seeing who is the most important person he can get on the phone in under five minutes.
DAY 50: While wandering the East Wing, Obama finds a really cool cobwebby room everyone had forgotten about for 125 years.
DAY 49: After hanging around for weeks and just watching from outside the White House fence, Sen. Harry Reid is finally invited to play in Barack Obama's pickup basketball game.
DAY 48: A trench-coat-wearing Wolf Blitzer is briefly detained by Secret Service agents after he is caught shoplifting three Mad magazines and a bottle of Dr Pepper from the White House gift shop.
DAY 47: Not wanting to sound too show-offy, White House Cabinet secretary Chris Lu tells a stranger at a Washington party that he "works in government."
DAY 46: A woman named Candi interrupts a Cabinet meeting to borrow $20 from Joe Biden for cigarettes.
DAY 45: A Treasury Department intern gets the lucky task of determining who lives and who dies today.
DAY 44: For the third time this week, press secretary Robert Gibbs peeks his head through the Oval Office door to let President Obama know that he's going on a Baskin-Robbins run.
DAY 43: Although everyone hopes the Minnesota senatorial race is decided quickly, Jeanne Shaheen (D-NH) is getting pretty accustomed to putting her feet up on Norm Coleman’s old seat.
DAY 42: White House landlord Albert Grabowski isn't going to fix the damn radiator, and as far as those pipes go, that's not his problem either.
DAY 41: Sixteen hours and 25 cups of coffee into a Treasury Dept. strategy session, Tim Geithner proposes nationalizing CitiGroup, Bank of America, all nine seasons of Seinfeld, toast, Albania, and the third law of thermodynamics.
DAY 40: President Obama forwards the link to the new Star Trek movie trailer to the entire staff. Again.
DAY 39: The Obamas sit silently around their Camp David dining table because Malia forgot to pack Scattergories.
DAY 38: Uruguayan Ambassador left in blue room all day.
DAY 37: The West Wing staff enjoys two dozen boxes of Nilla Wafers courtesy of Nabisco after Obama mentions them in a speech.
DAY 36: Realizing there are 489 people working in the West Wing, Rahm Emanuel tells his secretary to stop buying cupcakes for everybody's birthday.
DAY 35: Negotiations between the House and Senate versions of the DC Voting Rights bill nearly break down when Senator Arlen Specter insists on keeping his doodle of a three-legged pony in the bill.
DAY 34: During a difficult moment of a televised address, President Obama debuts the evil-looking sock puppet that will speak on all unpopular matters from now on.
DAY 33: President Obama still hasn't updated his Twitter account, leaving millions of tweeple tweet-deprived for over a month.
DAY 32: Vice-President Joe Biden curses HotGunner79 for outbidding him at last minute on 1970's Navy bomber jacket.
DAY 31: White House Intern David Kimball decides delivering memos to Robert Gibbs counts as "managing critical White House messaging initiatives key to furthering the president's agenda."
DAY 30: At 3 a.m., President Obama sends Judd Gregg a group photo of his Cabinet, just so he knows what he's missing.
DAY 29: A nervous Canada accidentally offers to be annexed during Obama's first foreign visit.
DAY 28: Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner's wife has taken to calling him the Trillion Dollar Man during sex.
DAY 27: Interior Secretary Ken Salazar is still feeling out the White House policy on nudity.
DAY 26: After receiving the fifth gift of its kind in as many weeks, Obama half-heartedly nails another African mask to the Oval Office wall.
DAY 25: Obama enjoys a quiet, candlelight dinner with Michelle and South Korean Prime Minister Han Seung-soo.
DAY 24: President Obama asks the visiting Estonian president if he wouldn't mind pretending to be Vladimir Putin for a second so he can practice for the Russian prime minister's big visit tomorrow.
DAY 23: Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano awkwardly enters the Oval Office while President Obama is doing his Napolitano impersonation.
DAY 22: President Obama asks aides to alert him immediately if the Mutant Registration Act is introduced in Congress.
DAY 21: For the third time, the Joint Chiefs of Staff ask President Obama not to leave fantasy miniatures on war map.
DAY 20: Joe Biden clears his schedule to oversee the installation of four video poker machines in the Naval Observatory.
DAY 19: After a tense afternoon holed up in the Situation Room, President Obama finally locates that old pack of Lyndon Johnson's Benson & Hedges.
DAY 18: In one of many historic firsts, Barack Obama becomes the first black president to TiVo MythBusters.
DAY 17: Hillary Clinton meets with Haitian president René Préval, who demands U.S. provide Haiti a sandwich by 2010.
DAY 16: Obama's "First 100 Days Dilbert Desk Calendar" still on day five.
DAY 15: Eighty-eight-year-old Justice John Paul Stevens informs the Obama administration of his decision to die in office, effective Mar. 1.
DAY 14: Taco Tuesday
DAY 13: President Obama meets with Vermont governor Jim Douglas and is saddened to find that he is not the creator of Garfield.
DAY 12: A nice little lazy Sunday for the president. Maybe read a book, watch a movie, whatever.
DAY 11: Director of the White House Office of Management and Budget reads former director of the White House Office of Management and Budget's memoirs.
DAY 10: Secretary of Housing and Urban Development Donovan wonders if they mean "urban" like "city" or "urban" like "black."
DAY 9: Impressionist Rich Little sits in a bathrobe on the floor of his one-bedroom apartment trying to figure out how to say "I am not a crook" like Barack Obama.
DAY 8: Rahm Emanuel's "open door" policy is severely tested by political director Patrick Gaspard's repeated claims that someone is taking Splenda packets from the jar on his desk.
DAY 7: After figuring out a comprehensive solution for the economic crisis in a dream, President Obama issues an executive order requisitioning a fleet of freight liners and 147,000 tons of eggplant.
DAY 6: Joe Biden spends the day sitting on a couch in the Oval Office, saying he "just wants to watch."
DAY 5: Secretary of Agriculture Tom Vilsack spends another day worried that his unanimous confirmation means people have forgotten what a hell-raiser he was as mayor of Mount Pleasant, IA.
DAY 4: Former treasury secretary Henry Paulson is discovered sleeping next to the boiler in the White House basement.
DAY 3: Obama takes a few minutes to fill out the change of address card for his Popular Mechanics subscription.
DAY 2: Suddenly everyone in the Roosevelt Room looks around and realizes: yes, this will be the seating arrangement for the next four years.
DAY 1: In one of his first acts as president, Obama begins the process of closing down the CIA prisons that he knows about.
H/T DML
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