Saturday, 21 June 2008
A letter to the folks back home on the farm.....
Dear Ma and Pa,
I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before all of the places are filled.
I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m. But I am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot, and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing.
Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there's warm water. Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food, plus yours, holds you until noon when you get fed again. It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much.
We go on "route marches," which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it's not my place to tell him different. A "route march" is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks.
The sergeant is like a school teacher. He nags a lot. The Captain is like the school board. Majors and colonels just ride around and frown. They don't bother you none.
This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don't know why. The bulls -eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don't move, and it ain't shooting at you like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don't even load your own cartridges They come in boxes.
Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy. It ain't like fighting with that ole bull at home. I'm about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake. I only beat him once. He joined up the same time as me, but I'm only 5'6" and 130 pounds and he's 6'8" and near 300 pounds dry.
Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding in.
Your loving daughter,
Alice
H/T Shelly
On the 09.51 Weymouth to Waterloo service a droll public service announcement:
"Thank you for travelling with SouthWest Trains. Please make sure you take all your belongings when leaving the train. This is particularly important if you work for Her Majesty's Government."
H/T Joker
'British Airways'....
A mother, with three daughters about to be wed, told each one of them to write back about their marriage. But to avoid possible embarrassment to their new husbands by openly discussing intimate details, the mother and daughters agreed to use newspaper advertisements as a "code" to let the mother know how their love lives are going.
The first one got married, and on the second day sent a letter saying only, "MAXWELL HOUSE COFFEE." So the mother got out the newspaper and checked the Maxwell Coffee House advertisement which read: "SATISFACTION TO THE LAST DROP..." And she was happy for her daughter.
Then the second daughter was wed. After a week, the mother received the message, "BENSON & HEDGES." Again, checking her paper, she saw the store ad with the huge headline banner: "FULL SIZE, KING SIZE" And she knew her daughter was happy.
Last, the third daughter was married. The mother became anxious as time went by with no letter. Finally, after four weeks, she received a message merely stating, "BRITISH AIRWAYS." Eagerly looking at the ad, the mother fainted when she read: "THREE TIMES A DAY, SEVEN DAYS A WEEK, BOTH WAYS".
H/T AJD Shootist
Amazing Ball girl catch.....
....this has something to do with Gatorade but I am not sure what.
H/T Chad
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News...
Diesel set to hit £6 A GALLON as fuel prices continue to soar. OUCH!
Good riddance: Hook-handed Abu Hamza loses fight against extradition to U.S. A one ticket to the chair.
Council orders pensioners to take down plastic flowers - because they are health and safety risk. Ridiculous.
Thousands of Britain's trees could be felled by health and safety rules. How do these idiots get jobs?
US flooding ruins crops and threatens global food prices. The outlook is not good.
Zimbabwe: Mugabe troops use rape as weapon. If we continue to stand by and do nothing we are no better than Mugabe and his thugs.
Families of troops killed in Snatch Land Rovers to sue MoD. Expect large payouts and no sackings. It seems that the civil service are 'above the law' and answerable to no-one.
Israel flexes muscles with 'Iran attack' drill. They have no choice but to bomb Iran.
and...
James May: When logos drive you loco
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Friday, 20 June 2008
Thought for the Day...
If guns are outlawed only outlaws will have guns!!!
Ok I am watching 'Chuck' and the 'logo' appeared on a t-shirt. But the sentiment fits. In the UK the only people with handguns are the police and the criminals. The private citizen has lost the right to defend himself and his family.
A Theo Remix: This is for all the guys in harms way...
...I have taken the original vid and changed the sound track. I think it works. I would like to think Elvis approves.
Your mission if you choose to accept it.....
..is to find a colour version of this picture. It is Jordan aka Katie Price and have tried but cannot find one. So if you have nothing better to do on a Friday and I am guessing that you all do have far better things to do, see if you can find one. 
The Medical Bit....
Signs and Symptoms of Hypothyroidism. I suffer from this and I thought I would highlight it because it does not get the coverage that Diabetes gets. Luckily I take the necessary drug 'thyroxine' to counter it. It is a lot more common than people think and unless you have a family history of it (it's mainly hereditary) you are unlikely to be tested for it. Something like 1 in 6 women and 1 in 50 men suffer from it. Undiagnosed it can be a pain and I still need a lot of sleep, and before anyone starts making smart alec comments, yes the plunbing still works fine. Incidentally my dog also has it.
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News....
Not in education, employment, or training: The 189,000 teenagers who are idle on benefits. Give them a choice: School, training or the military.
Why the Government's '£1m bribes will kill off grammar schools'. Labour want a population of thickos, because only a thicko votes Labour.
Soldiers' deaths in Afghanistan blamed on vehicles. How many soldiers have been killed in snatch landrovers? Heads must start to roll at the MOD as this deliberate negligence would be a criminal offence in the civilian world.
Barack Obama: I won't martyr Osama bin Laden. I wouldn't put it past the bastard to negotiate a peaceful settlement with him, wait for the Barack/Bin Liner photo-op in the Rose Garden!!
Olympics 2012: National Audit Office warns of cost over-run. No s**t.
Zimbabwe: Robert Mugabe urged to cancel vote. It is Teaboy Mbeki's support for Mugabe that is keeping him in power. They are both as corrupt as each other.
The horrors of being a white farmer in Robert Mugabe's Zimbabwe. A MUST READ.
War crimes warning to Robert Mugabe as terror grows. The only thing that will stop Mugabe is a bullet.
Al-Mahdi Army militias routed without a shot fired. Pity we cannot get Al-Sadr.
Vladimir Putin hailed as virile vampire. Not here he isn't.
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Some definitions...
ADULT: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.
BEAUTY PARLOR: A place where women curl up and dye.
CANNIBAL: Someone who is fed up with people.
CHICKENS: The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.
COMMITTEE: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
DUST: Mud with the juice squeezed out.
EGOTIST: Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.
HANDKERCHIEF: Cold Storage.
INFLATION: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.
MOSQUITO: An insect that makes you like flies better.
RAISIN: Grape with a sunburn.
SECRET: Something you tell to one person at a time.
SKELETON: A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.
TOOTHACHE: The pain that drives you to extraction.
TOMORROW: One of the greatest labour saving devices of today.
YAWN: An honest opinion openly expressed.
WRINKLES: Something other people have.
H/T Chad
Thursday, 19 June 2008
Sarah Bryant KIA.
'Our Daughter Loved Being A Soldier'
She was the first British female soldier to be killed in Afghanistan, and my heart goes out to her family. It is a tragic loss, as are all those 'servicemen' killed in the line of duty. I would also like to pay my respects to those three gallant men from 23 SAS, a regiment who most people have never heard of. There are many 'Terriers' from 21,23 SAS, the HAC and other regiments who are doing tours of duty, giving up their jobs and risking their lives that do not get the press coverage that the regular army get. The same can be said of the US National Guard and the many troops from those countries that have bothered to 'turn up'. The media to my knowledge ignore these people and their service needs to be recognised. This in no means takes away the sterling work done by the USMC, US Airborne, the Royal Marines, the Parachute Regiment and all the other regiments that are doing their best to defeat the enemy. I would just like to see the 'part timers' given some more 'airtime'. Their exploits can be found on Liveleak and You-Tube and yet the media still ignore them. I could be wrong and please feel free to leave contradictory comments stating otherwise.
The usual comment moderation standards apply, because the death threats from my anonymous stalker are getting boring.
If a woman seems uncomfortable watching you masturbate, do you think?
a) You need to spend more time together;
b) She's a prude; or
c) She should sit somewhere else on the bus?
H/T Joker
Thongs are injurious to your health!!!
Apologies for not posting this sooner. Nebraska Bob sent the story to me a couple of days ago and Liz B just noticed that The Sun had picked up on it. For those of you who listen to Radio 2 and if you don't you should be. Sarah Kennedy, Wogan and Ken Bruce all used jokes that I posted days ago. No I am not claiming credit for them but it goes to prove that the 'media' are now using the net for more of their material. The blogs, you-tube and liveleak are at least 24 hours ahead of the media for all the fun stuff now.
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Dinged By A G-String?
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