Saturday, 21 February 2009
That's My Boy !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
An English rugby fan is drinking in a bar, when he gets a call on his mobile phone. He hangs up, grinning from ear to ear, and orders a round of drinks for everybody in the bar, announcing his wife has just given birth to a typical English baby boy weighing 25 pounds.
Nobody can believe that any new baby can weigh in at 25 pounds, but the rugby fan just shrugs and replies, 'That's about average in England ... like I said, my boy's a typical English baby boy. Gonna be a rugby player.'
Congratulations showered him from all around, amid many exclamations of 'WOW!' One woman actually fainted due to sympathy pains.
Two weeks later, he returns to the bar. The bartender says, 'Say, aren't you the father of that typical English baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth? Everybody's been making bets about how big he'd be in two weeks. So, how much does he weigh now?'
The proud father answers, 'Twenty pounds.'
The bartender is puzzled, concerned and a little suspicious. 'What happened? He already weighed 25 pounds the day he was born!'
The Englishman takes a slow swig of his Spitfire Bitter, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into the bartender and proudly says; -
'Had him circumcised........................'
H/T M Kohl
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Ahhhhh.....
1st Lt. Louis Cascino, an infantry platoon leader, Company B, 1st Battalion, 27th Infantry Regiment, currently attached to 3rd Brigade Combat Team, 82nd Airborne Division, Multi-National Division–Baghdad, calms a donkey after he and his team rescued it from a drainage ditch.
What are these women about to do?
Can you identify the expression? What is it all about? What are they doing?
If you are unable to identify this expression, the answer is below.
They are ready to sneeze.
H/T Rico
Question: What’s the difference between Obama and Jesus?
Answer: Jesus was a carpenter; Obama can't assemble a cabinet.
Don Surber has more.
H/T M Kohl
Book of the Day......'The Rotten State of Britain'.
The book by Eamonn Butler of Adam Smith Institute the is the first comprehensive analysis of the current government’s record over the past decade and the mess they have made of Britain.
The BBC's Newsnight producer when asked to include the book on the show replied 'Thanks for getting in touch. However, its not really the find of think we do on the programme. Sorry not to be more helpful.'
Read the Review.
H/T
Andrew Ian Dodge
The Pickle Slicer.....
Bill worked in a pickle factory.
He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion.
He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer.
His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill said he would be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own.
One day a few weeks later, Bill came home and his wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong.
'What's wrong, Bill?' she asked.
'Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?'
'Oh, Bill, you didn't' she exclaimed.
'Yes, I did.' he replied.
'My God, Bill, what happened?'
'I got fired.'
'No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?'
'Oh...she got fired too.'
H/T M Kohl
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Video: What Slumdog Millionaire can teach us about economic stimulus.
...another great video from Reason TV.
Over regulation stifles growth.
News.....
Titanic pocket-watch which stopped when owner fell into sea is on display for first time.
Danton wreck found in deep water. I don't know which is more amazing. Finding the wreck or the fact that a French battleship put to sea!!
Top 10 Ratner moments when bosses put their foot in their mouths. Honesty is not always a good policy.
Brown could face a ticking off by MPs over failing to declare £1,600 in rent. Is there anyone in the cabinet who isn't on the take?
Whitehall spends £1bn cutting staff - then takes on 15,000 (the number it axed). We need reduce the civil service by at least 80%. A couple of whole ministries can go for starters.
Closed all hours: Why the village store that has traded for 152 years is shutting up shop for good. The village shop is becoming extinct as are the pubs, post offices and petrol stations. This is not good.
Predictions 400,000 families could lose their homes as unemployment skyrockets. This depression isn't going to be over by Christmas as some of the government are trying to spin.
Boy, 16, arrested in gangland killing as friends of second knife victim warn of 'race war' between Somalis and Afghans. So much for multi-culturalism.
Shock BNP council win brings fear of rise in extremism. Nationalism is on the rise throughout the west. It is more of a backlash against liberal bulls**t and the socialist dogma that has wrecked our societies.
Daylight robbery: Schoolboy gang in rush-hour raid on West End watch store. Welcome to modern Britain.
Al-Qaeda founder launches fierce attack on Osama bin Laden. Al-Qaeda turning in upon its-self.
British Muslims 'providing Taliban with electronic devices for roadside bombs'. Find them and 'punish' them.
Hillary Clinton: Chinese human rights secondary to economic survival. Human Rights and upholding the Constitution are not big on Obama's agenda.
North Korea could be ready to test fire missile in days. Is that airborne laser thingy up and running yet?
Rebuilding Zimbabwe will cost $5 billion, says Morgan Tsvangirai. Don't look at us. We are broke. Actually the Chinese will probably finance it as they seem to be 'buying' up most of Africa.
Iran 'offered to halt attacks on UK troops' in nuclear pact. Does this mean that we were at war with Iran? If so why the f**k aren't the revolutionary guards bases carparks.
Mumbai terrorists 'had 320 targets around world'. Somethng needs to be done about Pakistan's involvement in this or more attacks are on the way.
Crackdown on thugs who keep illegal dogs to terrorise and maim. They may need to send in the army to reclaim some of these estates.
Binyamin Netanyahu warns of Iranian nuclear threat. Glad someone is planning to stand up to Iran.
Emma Sky, British 'tree-hugger' in Iraq who learnt to love US military. To know them is to love them.
'Superguns' of Elizabeth I's navy. A reminder that we used to have a Navy.
Norwegian Math Test........
A Norwegian fella wants a job, but the foreman won't hire him until he passes a little math test.
Here is your first question, the foreman said. 'Without using numbers, represent the number 9.'
'Without numbers?' The Norwegian says, 'Dat's easy.' and proceeds to draw three trees. 
'What's this?' the boss asks.
'Vot! you got no brain? Tree and tree and tree make nine,' says the Norwegian.
'Fair enough,' says the boss. 'Here's your second question. Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99.'
The Norwegian stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree. 'Dar ya go.' 
The boss scratches his head and says, 'How on earth do you get that to represent 99?'
'Each of da trees is dirty now. So, it's dirty tree, and dirty tree, and dirty tree. Dat is 99.'
The boss is getting worried that he's going to actually have to hire this Norwegian, so he says, 'All right, last question. Same rules again, but represent the number 100.'
The Norwegian fella stares into space some more, then he picks up the picture again and makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, 'Dar ya go. Von hundred.' 
The boss looks at the attempt. 'You must be nuts if you think that represents a hundred!'
The Norwegian leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each tree and says, 'A little dog come along and pooped by each tree. So now you got dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, vich makes von hundred.'
'So, ven do I start? '
H/T Rico
Clinton Trip....
Secretary of state Hillary Clinton is in Asia for an extended tour, and is currently in Japan.
Or as Bill was heard telling a woman in a bar last night, “We’re separated.”
H/T DML
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Wise Words.....
In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm and three or more is a congress. -- John Adams
Government is the great fiction, through which everybody endeavors to live at the expense of everybody else. -- Frederic Bastiat, French Economist (1801-1850)
Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it. -- Ronald Reagan (1986)
I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts. -- Will Rogers
In general, the art of government consists of taking as much money as possible from one party of the citizens to give to the other. -- Voltaire (1764)
Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn't mean politics won't take an interest in you! -- Pericles (430 B.C.)
No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session.
-- Mark Twain (1866)
Talk is cheap...except when Congress does it. -- Anonymous
The government is like a baby's alimentary canal, with a happy appetite at one end and no responsibility at the other. -- Ronald Reagan
The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of the blessings. The inherent blessing of socialism is the equal sharing of misery. -- Winston Churchill
The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin. -- Mark Twain
The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools. -- Herbert Spencer, English Philosopher (1820-1903)
There is no distinctly native American criminal class...save Congress. -- Mark Twain
What this country needs are more unemployed politicians. -- Edward Langley, Artist (1928-1995)
A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have. -- Thomas Jefferson
H/T Shelly
Friday, 20 February 2009
Tax Increases and the Deficit.......
California wants to start taxing marijuana sales, Oregon wants to increase the tax on beer, while New York wants to tax Internet porn.
You know what this means?
By the end of spring break, this whole thing could be paid for.
H/T DML
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