Tuesday, 7 July 2009
Obama Shopping..........
Barack Hussein Obama was looking for a call girl. He found three such girls
in a local pub: a blonde, a brunette and a redhead.
To the blonde he said, 'I am the President of the United States . Now how
much will it cost me to spend some time with you?' She replied, '$200.'
To the brunette he asked the same question. Her reply was '$100.'
He then asked the redhead. Her reply was, 'Mr. President, if you can get my
skirt up as high as my taxes, my panties as low as my wages, get that thing
of yours as hard as the times we are living in and keep it rising like the
price of gas, make me hotter than it is in my apartment and screw me the way
you have the next two generations of Americans, then it isn't going to cost
you a damn cent!'
H/T Shelly
Norfolk Bride....
H/T DML
also: Scarecrow dressed as policeman for village fete 'stolen' by overzealous WPC
(H/T Liz B)
Good news!!!!!...............from Rico
It hardly gets better than this!
After the first one FAILED, the Democrats (C) are now talking about a 2nd Stimuless!!!!
But maybe too many have been 'distracted' by the unrelenting media circus surrounding the death and funeral of this Michael person, who was a black man who transformed himself into a white woman while behaving as a drug-addled, monstrous pedophile.
FOCUS America!
News accidentally covers tea party...
Apologises for offending its loyal viewers.
Methinks news organisations are thankful to Michael Jackson for saving them from having to care about what Americans care about...
News..........
Burgler Ass Whooped By 72 year old vet/boxer in England. Hee hee.
Bring back the duel to the death ...Good Idea.
Britain gives French £15million to police their own border. How hard is it to secure an island.
Murderers & rapists at large: Police won't name 1,000 criminals who should be in jail but have vanished... to protect THEIR privacy. What use are the Police and courts?
It's enough to leave you stumped... England versus Australia with the WELSH anthem! Which w**ker sent the test to Wales. The first test should always be at Lords.
China arrests 1,400 in aftermath of Xinjiang riots. Unlike Tianamen this time the internet will keep the stories and pictures coming.
BBC to cut programme budget to fill £2bn black hole in pension fund. Cut the pensions and sack all unnecessary staff, like most of them.
Welsh Guards bear brunt as Afghan death toll rises. With more men and weapons they could cause serious damage.
Taxpayers last in queue for repayment from Rock subsidiary. Surprise surprise!
The One.......
And it came to pass in the Age of Insanity that the people of the land called America, having lost their morals, their initiative, and their will to defend their liberties, chose as their Supreme Leader that person known as The One. He emerged from the vapors with a message that had no meaning; but He hypnotized the people telling them :
“I am sent to save you. My lack of experience, my questionable ethics, my monstrous ego, and my association with evil doers are of no consequence. For I shall save you with Hope and Change. Go, therefore, and proclaim throughout the land that he who preceded me is evil, that he has defiled the nation, and that all he has built must be destroyed.”
And the people rejoiced. For even though they knew not what The One would do, He had promised that it was good; and they believed.
And The One said “We live in the greatest country in the world. Help me change everything about it!”
And the people said, “Hallelujah!! Change is good!”
Then He said, “We are going to tax the rich fat-cats,”—-
And the people said “Sock it to them!”
“—- And redistribute their wealth.”
And the people said, “Show us the money!”
And then He said, “Redistribution of wealth is good for everybody”
And Joe the plumber asked, “Are you kidding me? You’re going to steal my money and give it to the deadbeats??”And The One ridiculed and taunted him, and Joe’s personal records were hacked and publicized.
One lone reporter asked, “Isn’t that Marxist policy?”
And she was banished from the kingdom!
Then a citizen asked, “With no foreign relations experience and having zero military experience or knowledge, how will you deal with radical terrorists?”
And The One said, “Simple. I shall sit with them and talk with them and show them how nice we really are; and they will forget that they ever wanted to kill us all!”
And the people said, “Hallelujah!! We are safe at last, and we can beat our weapons into free cars for the people!”
Then The One said, “I shall give 95% of you lower taxes.”
And one, lone voice said, “But 40% of us don’t pay ANY taxes.”
So The One said, “Then I shall give you some of the taxes the fat-cats pay!”
And the people said, “Hallelujah!! Show us the money!”
Then The One said, “I shall tax your Capital Gains when you sell your homes!”
And the people yawned and the slumping housing market collapsed.
And He said, “I shall mandate employer-funded health care for EVERY worker and raise the minimum wage. And I shall give every person unlimited health care and medicine and transportation to the clinics.”
And the people said, “Gim’me some of that!”
Then he said, “I shall penalize employers who ship jobs overseas.”
And the people said, “Where’s my rebate check?”
Then The One said, “I shall bankrupt the coal industry and electricity rates will skyrocket!”
And the people said, “Coal is dirty, coal is evil, no more coal! But we don’t care for that part about higher electric rates.”
So The One said, “Not to worry. If your rebate isn’t enough to cover your expenses, we shall bail you out. Just sign up with ACORN and your troubles are over!”
Then He said, “Illegal immigrants feel scorned and slighted. Let’s grant them amnesty, Social Security, free education, free lunches, free medical care, bilingual signs and guaranteed housing…”
And the people said, “Hallelujah!!” And they made him King!
And so it came to pass that employers, facing spiraling costs and ever- higher taxes, raised their prices and laid off workers. Others simply gave up and went out of business and the economy sank like unto a rock dropped from a cliff. The banking industry was destroyed. Manufacturing slowed to a crawl. And more of the people were without a means of support
Then The One said, “I am the The One - The Messiah - and I’m here to save you! We shall just print more money so everyone will have enough!”
But our foreign trading partners said unto Him, “Wait a minute. Your dollar is not worth a pile of camel dung! You will have to pay more…”
And the people said, “Wait a minute. That is unfair!!”
And the world said, “Neither are these other idiotic programs you have embraced. Lo, you have become a Socialist State and a second-rate power. Now you shall play by our rules!”
And the people cried out, “Alas, alas!! What have we done?”
But yea verily, it was too late. The people set upon The One and spat upon him and stoned him, and his name was dung. And the once mighty nation was no more; and the once proud people were without sustenance or shelter or hope. And the Change The One had given them was as like unto a poison that had destroyed them and like a whirlwind that consumed all that they had built.
And the people beat their chests in despair and cried out in anguish, “Give us back our nation and our pride and our hope!!”
But it was too late, and their homeland was no more.
You may think this is a fairy tale, but it’s not. It’s happening RIGHT NOW..
H/T DML
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One sentence stories..............
When I was 5 or so my mom would tell me to lie down before she tied my tie and I just now realized at the age of 19 that she did this because she’s a funeral director.
My 8-year-old sister proudly declared that she knows that “WTF” means “Wow, That’s Funny” and has been using it all over the internet.
I held my father’s hand as he died in that hospital room and realized I’d never held his hand before that moment.
Today you shaved your hair into a mohawk to make my mom laugh over losing hers to chemo and today I realized that you are my hero.
When asked to name the one person absent from her life that she missed the most, she responded, “The person I hoped I’d be by this point in my life.”
I conduct job interviews for a living and nothing gives me a better sense of wielding karma than giving the job to the nervous kid instead of the better qualified arrogant prick.
My online dating service matched me with my cousin.
Arriving home after sitting in traffic for two hours, I said to myself, “Oh, wait, I don’t live here anymore.”
As I woke up from my nap to find written on my feet “This is my momma and you can’t have her,” I realized that my child is very, very strange.
My mother called me to do a chore and I responded, “What you need, Woman,” to which my father chided, “Your mother is NOT a woman!”
H/T DML
Monday, 6 July 2009
Observations of the President's 1st Five Months..............
He has.....
1. Offended the Queen of England .
2. Bowed to the King of Saudi Arabia .
3. Praised the Marxist Daniel Ortega.
4. Kissed Hugo Chavez on the cheek.
5. Endorsed the Socialist Evo Morales of Bolivia .
6. Announced we would meet with Iranians with no pre-conditions.
7. Gave away billions to AIG also without pre-conditions.
8. Expanded the bailouts.
9. Insulted everyone who has ever loved a Special Olympian.
10. Doubled our national debt..
11. Announced a termination of the space defense system the day after the North Koreans launched an ICBM.
12. Despite the urgings of his own CIA director and the prior 4 CIA directors, released information on intelligence gathering.
13. Accepted without public comment the fact that five of his cabinet members cheated on their taxes and two others withdrew after they couldn't take the heat.
14. Appointed a Homeland Security Chief who quickly identified as "dangers to the nation", groups including veterans of the military, and opponents to abortion on demand, and who ordered that the word "terrorism" no longer be used but instead referred to such acts as "man made disasters".
15. Circled the globe so he could openly apologize for America's greatness.
16. Told Mexicans the violence in their country was because of us.
17. Politicized the census by moving it into the White House from its Department of Commerce origins..
18. Appointed as Attorney General the man who orchestrated the forced removal and expulsion from America to Cuba of a nine-year old whose mother died trying to bring him to a life of freedom in the United States and approved the pardon of Marc Rich so Clinton could let the felon go free.
19. Salutes as heroes three Navy SEALS who took down three terrorists who threatened one American life and the next day announces members of the Bush administration will likely stand trial for "torturing" a terrorist, who had played a part in killing 3000 Americans, by pouring water up their nose.
20. Flew Air Force One over New York City causing panic at a cost of $400,000 to get a photo you can make with Photo Shop for less than a dollar.
21. Sent his National Defense Advisor to Europe to assure Europe that the US will no longer treat Israel in a special manner and they might be on their own with the Muslims
22.Began the process of nationalizing the Auto Industry and the Insurance industry.
23 Announced that for intent and purposes the Health Insurance Industry will be nationalized.
24 Sided with Hugo Chavez instead of the Rule of Law as Honduras legally deposed Zelaya and installed Roberto Micheletti as President. It must be noted that the army did so following a lawful order of the Honduras Supreme Court.
And just think only 1360 days to go, if we have anything left.
H/T Shelly
Point of view..............from Rico
'This explains a lot.
If your perspective, your historical point-of-view is one where America and it's entire history...Hell, let's cut the crap, America's very EXISTENCE is as depicted below can there be ANY reasonable doubt that despite what is "said" along hopey-changey lines that all of Obama's and the Left's actions are intentionally meant to destroy America?'
Awesome: Top Gear - Ken Block with James May
This is absolutely amazing......the filmography is brilliant. This is the best Ken Block video on the web todate. Watch out for Ricky Carmichael's cameo appearance.
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News.........
Defensive errors. Why the Mod will never be held to account for their constant failures.
BBC chiefs 'rack up biggest pensions ever seen in public sector'. Another reason to scrap the licence fee.
Umpire, 72, killed as cricketer's throw hits him on the head. A tragic accident. Let's hope the Heath and Safety nazis don't insist on umpires wearing helmets.
Police spending half their time away from front line as paperwork increases. Only half!!
Russia hints it could block nuclear arms deal with US President Barack Obama. Expect some unilateral nuke disarmament from Obama.
Recession may get worse, Gordon Brown warns world leaders. Reality dawns.
140 people killed as China protest suppressed. We should buy more from India which is a democracy.
Iran clerics declare election invalid and condemn crackdown. Just when the Mullahs thought they had crushed to opposition.
'Dodd Continues To Mislead People About the Value of His Irish Property'
Health and safety fears are making Britain a safe place for extremely stupid people. Common sense is long gone. I blame two-bit legal shysters who have made 'accidents' and compensation big business.
UK concedes new Basra death probe. Bulls**t. More lawyers in need of a slap.
and finally.....
Duty Officer Explains Job Is Rigourous.
Australia probes navy 'sex game'.
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Soooo funny: Michael Mackintyre on last nights Top Gear..........
....I had never heard of him 'til last night. This guy is very very funny as he discusses cars and driving.
TOP TEN REASONS WHY TRICK OR TREATING IS BETTER THAN SEX…..
10. You are guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.
9. If you get tired, you can wait 10 minutes and go at it again.
8. The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.
7. You don’t have to compliment the person who gives you so me.
6. It’s O.K. when the person you’re with fantasizes you’re someone else, because you are.
5. Forty years from now you’ll still enjoy candy.
4. If you don’t like what you get, you can always go next door.
3. It doesn’t matter if the kids hear you moaning and groaning.
2. Less guilt the morning after.
1. You can do the whole neighborhood.
H/T DML
Sunday, 5 July 2009
DC Tea Party highlights
Shots from the DC Tea Party, notice Wonder Woman seems to have showed up.
The socialists get Nancy Pelosi and petuli wearing hippy chicks at their events and the Tea Party events get Wonder Woman.
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You know you are from California if....
1. Your co-worker has 8 body piercings and none are visible.
2. You make over $300,000 and still can't afford a house.
3. Your child's 3rd-grade teacher has purple hair, a nose ring, and is named Flower.
4. You can't remember . . Is pot illegal?
5. You've been to a baby shower that has two mothers and a sperm donor.
6. You have a very strong opinion about where your coffee beans are grown, and you can taste the difference between Sumatran and Ethiopian.
7. You can't remember . . Is pot illegal?
8. A really great parking space can totally move you to tears.
9. Gas costs $1.00 per gallon more than anywhere else in the U. S.
10. Unlike back home, the guy at 8:30 am at Starbucks wearing a baseball cap and sunglasses who looks like George Clooney really IS George Clooney.
11. Your car insurance costs as much as your house payment.
12. You can't remember . . Is pot illegal?
13. It's barely sprinkling rain and there's a report on every news station: "STORM WATCH.."
14. You pass an elementary school playground and the children are all busy with their cells or pagers.
15. It's barely sprinkling rain outside, so you leave for work an hour early to avoid all the weather-related accidents.
16. HEY!!!! Is pot illegal????
17.. Both you AND your dog have therapists, psychics, personal trainers and cosmetic surgeons.
18. The Terminator is your governor.
19. If you drive illegally, they take your driver's license. If you're here illegally, they want to give you one.
H/T Shelly
Band of the Day: 'Old Man Pie'......
Formed out of a piggery in deepest darkest West Yorkshire, Old Man Pie play country rock, americana and pie music. Our influences are many and varied and musical differences are a plenty, but we are united by a pleasure of good melody and lyrical depth.
Caution Language.
Their site is HERE
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