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OK, Pasta
34 minutes ago
Friday, 7 August 2009
How do you think the squaddies feel Mr Brown
Standing in 10 Downing Street,
Talking to the press,
But he’s not out in Helmand,
He doesn’t see the mess.
How do you think the squaddies feel Mr Brown?
How do you think the squaddies feel?
“The army has enough resources,
We’re committed to the fight”,
“We’re behind our brave armed forces”.
Aye, we believe you. Right.
How do you think the squaddies feel Mr Brown?
How do you think the squaddies feel?
Expenses by the bucket load,
Billions for the banks,
Only 8 Chinooks in Helmand,
How does that look from the ranks?
How do you think the squaddies feel Mr Brown?
How do you think the squaddies feel?
It’s easy to say the weasel words,
“We’ll meet the Army’s needs”
But on patrol in Helmand,
It’s not spin we need, but deeds.
How do you think the squaddies feel Mr Brown?
How do you think the squaddies feel?
We’re sending you new vehicles,
Proof against the IED.
Fat lot of good they’ll do us,
Rusting dockside in Dubai.
How do you think the squaddies feel Mr Brown?
How do you think the squaddies feel?
But for all the spin and doublespeak,
For all your bluff and bluster,
The British squaddie will do HIS job,
You know that he’ll pass muster.
That’s the way the squaddies feel Mr Brown,
That’s the way they damn well feel.
Peej 2009
Count me out.......from Rico
Remember, the First Comrade Obama is counting on YOU!
Counting on what?
That you continue to be:
- a schnook
- a mug
- a sucker
Count ME out!
Paranoid Yet?
That's the problem with Democratic thinking: it continually displaces blame onto a bogey -- any bogey will do, but special emphasis is placed on White Eurocentric Evil Conservative bogeys. Classic class warfare, and where can it lead, except the the city of No Good? Washington Rebel
Thursday, 6 August 2009
World War II explained by Urban Dictionary.
Germany invades Czechoslovakia.
Britain & France tell them to stop that bullsh*t.
Germany invades Poland.
(Russia also invades Poland from the other side: everybody forgets this.)
Britain & France declare war. This is the 'official' kick-off.
Italy, Bulgaria, Hungary, & Romania all join the German side. (Everybody forgets the last three.)
Axis forces go through Europe like vindaloo through a colostomy.
Nazis exterminate Jews, gays, gypsies, & the disabled. (everybody remembers the jews but forgets the rest.)
UK holds out.
Russia & the USA don't do sh*t.
Entire divisions of Danish, Belgian, Dutch, Norwegian, French & Serbian volunteers join the Axis armies & SS. (everybody forgets this & to listen to them now, they were all in the f***ing resistance, which must have been MASSIVE.)
Axis forces invade Russia. Suddenly the Russians don't think it's funny any more.
Japan joins the Axis & bombs Pearl Harbor.
Suddenly the US doesn't think it's funny any more.
The USA tools up the world, 'cause it's got more factories than everybody else put together, & they're out of bomber range.
Axis runs out of steam in Russia, cause Russia's enormous & bloody freezing.
Allies invade on D-Day... 5 landings: 2 British, 2 American, 1 Canadian. (everybody forgets the Canadians.)
Hitler ends up smouldering in a ditch. Russians find the body & confirm he only had one ball. Seriously.
The US decides invading stuff is a pain in the ass and invents the atom bomb instead. Drops two buckets 'o sunshine on Japan.
Russians steal half of Europe.
UK's spent almost every penny it had.
US starts telling everybody how it was all about them, & 64 years later is still doing so.
H/T DML
News.....
With imprisonment up, crime is down
Eeek! The Brits Have REALLY Lost Their Way
Citizen Informants
Government map shows dire Afghan security picture
No Money for F-22's, but Three More Brooms for Nancy Pelosi
Russian submarines patrol off US west coast
Government 'suppressed' report showing massive military waste
Afghan voters turn to warlords for help in picking candidates
Africa investment sparks land grab fear
The US pilots living next to a runway
No pun in ten did
It is said that the ability to make and understand PUNS is the highest level of language development. Here are the top 10 winners in the International Pun Contest.
1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The Stewardess looks at him and says, ‘I’m sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.
2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says, ‘Dam!’
3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly, it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it, too.
4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, ‘I’ve lost my electron.’ The other says, ‘Are you sure?’ The first replies, ‘Yes, I’m positive.’
5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. But why they asked, as they moved off. ‘Because,’ he said, ‘I can’t stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.’
7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named Ahmal. The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him Juan. Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, ‘They’re twins! If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Ahmal.’
8. A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to ‘persuade’ them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he’d be back if they didn’t close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.
9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him (Oh, man, this is SO BAD, it’s good) a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
10. And, finally, there was the person who posted ten different puns, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make his readers laugh. No pun in ten did.
H/T DML
Wednesday, 5 August 2009
What I Learned from My Old Dad
'The day he died, 57 years after that fateful summer, I'll guarantee you he was still scared." Washington Rebel
The ultimate wedding speech..........
Ladies and gentlemen, and friends of my daughter.
There comes a time in every wedding reception when the man who paid for the damn thing is allowed to speak a word or two of his own. And I should like to take this opportunity, sloshed as I may be, to say a word or two about Martin.
As far as I'm concerned, my daughter could not have chosen a more delightful, charming, witty, responsible, wealthy, let's not deny it, well-placed, good-looking and fertile young man than Martin as her husband.
And I therefore ask the question "Why the hell did she marry Gerald instead?"... because Gerald is a sort of man we used to describe at school as a complete prick! If I may use a gardening simile here, if his entire family may be likened to a compost heap (and I think they can) then Gerald is the biggest weed growing out of it.
I think he's a sort of man people emigrate to avoid. I remember the first time I met Gerald, I said to my wife (she's the lovely woman propping up that old lush of a mother of his) either this man is suffering from serious brain damage or the new vacuum cleaner's just arrived.
As for his family, they are quite simply the most intolerable herd of steaming social animals that I have ever had the misfortune of turning my nose up to. I spurn you as I would spurn a rabid dog.
I would like to propose a toast to the caterers. And to the pigeons who crapped on the groom's family's limousine at the church.
Er....as for the rest of you around this table not directly related to me, you can f*ck off. I wouldn't trust any of you to sit the right way on a toilet seat.
H/T DML
Taken from this Rowan Atkinson Sketch...
H/T Roger J
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