Friday, 5 December 2008
Why is a Christmas tree better than a man?
It's always erect,
stays up for 12 days and nights,
has cute balls,
and even looks good with the lights on!
H/T Old Dude
Terry and Aled with 'Little Drummer Boy'.......
....and probably the Christmas No 1. Unless a certain Irish Band of my acquaintance get lucky!!
News...
Our World: The jihadist-multicultural alliance. More hypocrisy from the 'multi-culturalists' aka liberals by Caroline Glick.
Medicare to Cover Prescription Handguns? You certainly won't get that on the NHS.
The end for Mr Speaker? Calls to quit grow as Yard contradicts his statement to Commons. He cannot last much longer.
Travellers granted legal aid to fight eviction own five-bedroom £230,000 house down the road. Gypsies, tramps and thieves!!
Woolworths slashes all prices by 50% in huge closing down sale. Soon to be followed by Curry'/PC World and B&Q. The high street is in big trouble.
Clipboard brigade to probe our private lives as Government plans sexual preference quiz. This could be fun!!
Out of this world: British teddy bears strapped to helium weather balloon reach the edge of space. If we can do it to a Teddy Bear we can do it to Gordon Brown.
Teacher suspended for punishing pupils with press-ups - at a sports college. WTF!!!
Telling the truth is lambasted in politically correct Britain. Labour have never been acquainted with 'the truth'.
Honda quits Formula One racing. I doubt they will be the only ones.
Russian gas supplies to EU could be cut in Ukraine row. More of Putin's bully-boy bulls**t.
Archbishop Desmond Tutu calls on Robert Mugabe to step down or be removed by force. Mugabe won't last long now.
Robert Mugabe appeals to Britain for help as cholera crisis brings Zimbabwe to a halt. Great. Let's send the Paras to 'help'.
Congresswoman hangs up on 'prank' call from Barack Obama. Good girl.
Terrorist Osama bin Laden given Lego make-over. Soon to have his ass kicked by Barbie.
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Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.
"In honor of this holy season" Saint Peter said, "You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."
The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "It represents a candle", he said.
"You may pass through the pearly gates" Saint Peter said.
The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, "They're bells."
Saint Peter said "You may pass through the pearly gates".
The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?"
The man replied, "These are Carols."
And So The Christmas Season
Begins......
H/Ts Rodney & Liz B
Definitions.....
1. ARBITRATOR: A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonalds
2. AVOIDABLE: What a bullfighter tried to do
3. BERNADETTE: The act of torching a mortgage
4. BURGLARIZE: What a crook sees with
5. CONTROL: A short, ugly inmate
6. COUNTERFEITERS: Workers who put together kitchen cabinets
7. ECLIPSE: What an English barber does for a living
8. EYEDROPPER: A clumsy ophthalmologist
9. HEROES: What a guy in a boat does
10. LEFTBANK: What the robber did when his bag was full of money
11. MISTY: How golfers create divots
12. PARADOX: Two physicians
13. PARASITES: What you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower
14. PHARMACIST: A helper on the farm
15. POLARIZE: What penguins see with
16. PRIMATE: Removing your spouse from in front of the TV
17. RELIEF: What trees do in the spring
18. RUBBERNECK: What you do to relax your wife
19. SELFISH: What the owner of a seafood store does
20. SUDAFED: Brought litigation against a government official
21. ROE VS. WADE: A decision made by George Washington before crossing the river.
H/T Shelly
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