Theo Spark

“Remember gentlemen, it’s not just France we are fighting for, it’s Champagne!”Winston Churchill

“I have lived temperately. I double the doctor’s recommendation of a glass and a half of wine a day and even treble it with a friend.”Thomas Jefferson

“If God forbade drinking, would he have made wine so good?”
Cardinal Richelieu

“Wine is the drink of the gods, milk the drink of babies, tea the drink of women and water the drink of beasts.”
John Stuart Blackie

“Let us have wine and women, mirth and laughter, Sermons and soda-water the day after.”Lord Byron, Don Juan

“There are two things a Highlander likes naked, and one of them is malt whisky.”
Scottish proverb

“You have only so many bottles in your life, never drink a bad one.”
Len Evans

“It is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend; one’s present or future thirst; the excellence of the wine; or any other reason.”
Latin saying

“The best use of bad wine is to drive away poor relations.”
French proverb

“The discovery of a wine is of greater moment than the discovery of a constellation. The universe is too full of stars.”Benjamin Franklin

H/T Old Dude

Tech support: 'What kind of computer do you have?'
Female customer:'A white one...'
..........................................................
Tech support: 'Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.'
Customer: 'Your left or my left?'
..........................................................
Tech support: 'Good day. How may I help you?'
Male customer: 'Hello... I can't print.'
Tech support: 'Would you click on 'start' for me and...'
Customer: 'Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates.'
..........................................................
Customer: 'I have problems printing in red...'
Tech support: 'Do you have a colour printer?'
Customer: 'Aaaah....................thank you.'
..........................................................
Tech support: 'What's on your monitor now, ma'am?'
Customer: 'A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at Woolies.'

H/T Rodney