Theo Spark

Cartoon round-up...by Mark Scott

Rules for buying men presents...

Rule 1: When in doubt - buy him a cordless drill. It does not matter if he already has one. As a man, you can never have too many cordless drills. No one knows why.

Rule 2: If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with the word ratchet or socket in it. Men love saying those two words. No one knows why.

Rule 3: If you are really short of money, buy him anything for his car. A 50 cent ice scraper, a small bottle of de-icer or something to hang from the rear view mirror. Men love gifts for their cars. No one knows why.

Rule 4: Rope. Men love rope. It takes us back to Boy Scouts or some other such organisation. Nothing says love like a hundred feet of 3/8" nylon rope. No one knows why.

Rule 5: A new TV remote control to replace the one he has lost. If you have a lot of money buy him the latest all-singing, all-dancing widescreen TV. Watch the smile on his face as he flicks, and flicks, and flicks.

Rule 6: Label makers are nearly as good as cordless drills. Within a couple of weeks there will be labels absolutely everywhere. Men really enjoy using these. No one knows why.

Rule 7: Never buy a man anything that says "some assembly required" on the box. He will be too preoccupied to speak to you for hours and he will always have parts left over.

Rule 8: Men enjoy danger. That's why they love to barbecue. Get him a big gas barbecue. Tell him the gas line leaks. Such excitement! Who wants a hamburger?"

Rule 9: Tickets to a football match are a smart gift. However, he will not appreciate tickets to "Creative Flower Arranging for Beginners." Everyone knows why.

Rule 10: Men love chainsaws. Never, ever, buy a man you love a chainsaw. If you don't know why - please refer to Rule 6 and what happens when he gets a label maker.

Rule 11: It's hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or an aluminium extension ladder. Never buy a real man a step ladder. It must be an extension ladder. No one knows why!

H/T DML

Friday Fillies...

'Now how do I get out of this?'

John Stewart Skewers another Democrat from Obama-land

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

(D-IL) Weed

Barack Obama Interview
John McCain Interview

Sarah Palin Video
Funny Election Video

H/T Thomas Harris

A nice old story that will make you appreciate family.

My grandmother died in the 50s, but her birthday is coming up, and that always causes me to reminisce. The long walks we used to take to the store in town, the quarters she gave me for meaningless jobs like pulling weeds or washing the sidewalk...

Those gems were all good, but the one I remember most, the jewel in the crown of grandmotherly advice, occurred when I was only about 13. We were sitting in a park having just finished collecting some 40 soda bottles for the deposit money on a beautiful spring day.

She told me that one day, I would find a wonderful woman and start my own family. 'And always remember this thing,' she said. 'Be sure you marry a
woman with small hands.'

'How come, Grandma?' I asked her.

She answered in her soft Newfoundland voice.

'Makes your dick look bigger.'

Kinda brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it?

H/T Old Dude