H/T Peter Gunn
Friday, 2 January 2009
Photo or painting?
....yes I know it says photo on it, it just looks more like a painting to me.
H/Ts DML & Peter Gunn
Swearing at Work...
Dear Staff
It has been brought to the CEO’s attention that some individuals throughout the organisation have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their colleagues.
Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated.
We do, however, realise the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with colleagues.
Therefore, a list of 13th of next month New and Innovative “TRY SAYING” phrases have been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner.
1. Try Saying: 'I think you could do with more training'
Instead Of: 'You don’t have a f**king clue, do you?'
2. Try Saying: 'She’s an aggressive go-getter.'
Instead Of: 'She’s a f**king power-crazy bitch'
3. Try Saying: 'Perhaps I can work late'
Instead Of: 'And when the f**k do you expect me to do this?'
4. Try Saying: 'I’m certain that isn’t feasible'
Instead Of: 'F**k off asshole'
5. Try Saying: 'Really?'
Instead Of: 'Well f**k me backwards with a telegraph pole'
6. Try Saying: 'Perhaps you should check with…'
Instead Of: 'Tell someone who gives a f**k.'
7. Try Saying: 'I wasn’t involved in the project.'
Instead Of: 'Not my f**king problem.'
8. Try Saying: 'That’s interesting.'
Instead Of: 'What the f**k?'
9. Try Saying: 'I’m not sure this can be implemented within the given timescale.'
Instead Of: 'No f**king chance mate.'
10.Try Saying: 'It will be tight, but I’ll try to schedule it in'
Instead Of: 'Why the f**k didn’t you tell me that yesterday?'
11.Try Saying: 'He’s not familiar with the issues'
Instead Of: 'He’s got his head up his f**king ass.'
12.Try Saying: 'Excuse me, sir?'
Instead Of: 'Oi, f**k face.'
13.Try Saying: 'Of course, I was only going to be at home anyway'
Instead Of: 'Yeah, who needs f**king holidays anyway.'
H/T DML
Read of the Year.....so far
About. Jules Crittenden's 'autobiography' to date. Someone should snap up the movie rights.
Thursday, 1 January 2009
Theo's Pick of the Blogs for December.......
Pickup Line.....
So this guy walks into a bar and sees this comely, smartly dressed woman perched on a bar stool. Naturally, he approaches her and says, "Hey there gorgeous, how are you."
Already having a couple of power drinks under her belt she turns around, looks him right in the eye and says, 'Listen here good looking, I screw anybody, any time, anywhere, your place, my place, in the car, front door, back door, on the ground, standing up, sitting down, naked or with clothes on, dirty, clean . . . it doesn't matter to me. I've been doing it ever since I got out of college and I just love it.'
Eyes now wide with interest he says "No kidding! I'm a lawyer too. What firm are you with?"
H/T Shelly
Chinese Proverbs.....
Man who run in front of car get tired. Man who run behind car get exhausted.
Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.
Man with one chopstick go hungry.
War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.
Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.
Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.
Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.
H/T DML
Cowboys.....
THREE COWBOYS ARE SITTING AROUND THE CAMPFIRE OUT ON THE LONESOME PRAIRIE; WITH THE BRAVADO FOR WHICH EACH IS FAMOUS, IT IS A NIGHT OF TALL TALES.
THE GUY FROM WYOMING SAYS, 'I MUST BE THE STRONGEST, MEANEST, TOUGHEST COWBOY THERE IS. WHY, JUST THE OTHER DAY, A BULL GOT LOOSE IN THE CORRAL. IT HAD GORED SIX MEN BEFORE I WRESTLED IT TO THE GROUND BY THE HORNS WITH MY BARE HANDS AND CASTRATED THAT SUCKER WITH MY TEETH.'
THE GUY FROM COLORADO COULDN'T STAND TO BE BESTED. THAT'S NOTHING, 'I WAS WALKING DOWN THE TRAIL YESTERDAY AND A FIFTEEN FOOT DIAMONDBACK RATTLER SLID OUT FROM UNDER A ROCK AND MADE A MOVE FOR ME. I GRABBED THAT BASTARD WITH MY BARE HANDS, BIT ITS HEAD OFF AND SUCKED THE POISON DOWN IN ONE GULP AND DIDN'T EVEN GET A BELLY ACHE.'
THE COWBOY VISITING FROM ALBERTA REMAINED SILENT, SLOWLY STIRRING THE CAMPFIRE COALS WITH HIS PECKER.
H/T Don Emslie
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