H/T Thomas Harris
If rogue elephants, lions, leopards, and hippos invade Texas, he is ready for them!
Tuesday, 6 January 2009
.375 Holland and Holland Magnum MkIII
Under Construction: The British Army's latest Eco- Friendly Artillery Piece.......
Follow it's construction
HERE
We have it on good authority that when completed it will be operated by a team of the local totty.
Driving Theory...........
The following are supposed REAL answers given on exams by the California Department of Transportation’s driving school (i.e. Saturday Traffic School for moving violation offenders).
Q: Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at
the same time?
A: The pick up truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying,
“Guns don’t kill people. I do.”
Q: When driving through fog, what should you use?
A: Your car.
Q: How can you reduce the possibility of having an accident?
A: Be too shit-faced to find your keys.
Q: What problems would you face if you were arrested for drunk driving?
A: I’d probably lose my buzz a lot faster.
Q: What changes would occur in your lifestyle if you could no longer
drive lawfully?
A: I would be forced to drive unlawfully.
Q: What are some points to remember when passing or being passed?
A: Make eye contact and wave “hello” if he/she is cute.
Q: What is the difference between a flashing red traffic light and a flashing yellow traffic light?
A: The color.
Q: How do you deal with heavy traffic?
A: Heavy psychedelics.
Q: What can you do to help ease a heavy traffic problem?
A: Carry loaded weapons.
Q: Why would it be difficult to be a police officer?
A: It would hard to be a dickhead all day long.
H/T DML
Monday, 5 January 2009
If....
If you can start the day without caffeine,
If you can get going without pep pills,
If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,
If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,
If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it,
If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time,
If you can overlook it when those you love take it out on you when, no fault of yours, things go wrong,
If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,
If you can ignore a friend’s limited education and never correct him,
If you can resist treating a rich friend better than a poor friend,
If you can face the world without lies and deceit,
If you can conquer tension without medical help,
If you can relax without liquor, If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,
If you can say honestly that deep in your heart you have no prejudice against creed, colour, religion, or politics,
Then, my Brother, you are as good as your dog.
H/T DML
Big Brother alive and well....
Police set to step up hacking of home PCs. Are they too dumb to find their own porn!!!!!
H/T Pete Hurrell
Reasons for crashing during winter in Norfolk......
...I nearly had a prang today, in the Doctors car park of all places.
H/T DML
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News....
Sex clinics 'to open' in EVERY school so pupils as young as 11 can be tested... without parental consent. WTF!
Where is Tony Blair? He's on holiday right now. Good. The last thing the middle east needs right now is that lying sack of s**t interfering.
BBC accused of 'pandering' to No10 after Andrew Marr visits Downing Street for fireside chat with Gordon Brown. Everybody knows that the BBC is Labour's PR department.
War veterans' clubhouse is handed to travellers. An effing disgrace. Travellers have no rights!
Pub chain launches 99p pint of beer - but is accused of encouraging binge drinking. Wetherspoons are hardly pubs. They are theme bars.
Israeli troops close in on Hamas stronghold. Hamas must be shocked by the total lack of support from the Arab nations. The only people who seems to be supporting them are the usual illiterates on the Arab street and the MSM.
Size eight women have most sex. Cool. Only one problem there aren't many size 8s in Norfolk!!
Obama's new life in Washington soured by resignation of cabinet nominee. Ooops. Not so squeaky clean after all.
Economic recovery may be delayed until 2010. Make that 3010. Brown has and is continuing to ruin Britain.
Secret army of ‘scallywags’ to sabotage German occupation. What a hoot. We need men like this today to sabotage Labour's 'occupation'.
Israel rains fire on Gaza with phosphorus shells. So what. A spot a napalm would do the Taleban a world of good. The media have created a scenario where wars have to be 'user friendly' where no one dies. There is no such thing as a nice clean war and our hands are being tied by the liberals in the media who despise everything our troops are fighting to protect.
India hands Pakistan 'proof' dossier on Mumbai attacks. Another potential 'flashpoint'.
Fears over earthquake 'swarm' at Yellowstone National Park.
This could be very serious. Scientists have been predicting a mega-quake for years.
Six European countries hit by shortages as Russia-Ukraine gas row deepens. Putin wants to have strategic 'influence' in all six countries. Someone had better start standing up to the bum before we have a full blown 'cold war' back on our hands.
Mugabe set to form government in February: The terror continues. He will now run amok as everyone is watching Gaza.
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