Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.
The winners are:
1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.
6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), (back by popular demand): The belief that, when you die, your Soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
H/T Rodney
Wednesday, 7 January 2009
ANNUAL NEOLOGISM CONTEST......
Tuesday, 6 January 2009
A Gurkha in Lashkar Gah.....
...we should recruit as many of these great soldiers as we can. Instead the MoD treat them like s**t.
News....
Marks & Spencer 'to slash 1,000 jobs' after worst Christmas trading in 80 years. Hardly surprising. Their food is nowhere as good as it used to be.
Deaths from hospital blunders soar 60% in two years as NHS staff 'abandon quality of care to chase targets'. The Department of Health is wrecking the NHS, which wasn't exactly good in the first place.
Lights go out as Britain bids farewell to the traditional bulb despite health fears about eco-bulbs. Better stock up on the old ones. Soon the only place you will be able to get them will be e-bay.
Now spectre of negative equity stalks thousands of CAR owners. A friend nearly bought a Bentley Arnage at auction the other day for £4,500. He should have bought it.
Gas shortage fears as Russia cuts supply to Europe. Welcome to the 'Cold War'.
Mumbai attacks: India claims terrorists were backed by Pakistan agencies. So how long before they start shooting at each other?
Gaza will explode if US stays on sidelines. It was always going to explode. Until Iran has a regime change there will never be peace.
Morris men face extinction. For those of our readers who are unfamiliar with the Morris Men.....
Bush creates largest marine protection zone in the world. Good.
Japanese whaler drowns in Southern Ocean. Good. There is no reason to hunt whales.
The pink iguana that Charles Darwin missed. Would you admit to seeing a pink iguana?
Toyota factories face days of closure. I wonder if Porsche are still feeling smug about their takeover of VW.
Baby P official in sacking appeal. The arrogant greedy bitch is after a payoff.
GRANDPA'S ON THE PORCH AGAIN.....
A man came to visit his grandparents, and he noticed his grandfather sitting on the porch, in the rocking chair, wearing only a shirt, with nothing on from the waist down.
"Grandpa, what are you doing? Your weenie is out in the wind for everyone to see!" he exclaimed.
The old man looked off in the distance without answering .
"Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the waist?" he asked again.
The old man slowly looked at him and said "Well...last week I sat out here with no shirt on, and I got a stiff neck. This is your grandma's idea."
H/T Pete Hurrell
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Patch of the Day....
The message is clear even if it is photoshopped. Our NATO 'allies' must do more to help.
H/T Maurice B
Hubba.....
The good news is that she works for our friends at Bikinis Sports Bar and Grill San Marcos branch.
