The other night I was invited out for a night with the 'girls.' I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, 'I promise!' Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily. Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home.
Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times.
I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him. (Even when totally smashed... 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos =MIDNIGHT!)
The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, I told him 'MIDNIGHT'... he didn't seem pissed off in the least. Whew, I got away with that one!
Then he said 'We need a new cuckoo clock.'
When I asked him why, he said, 'Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said 'oh shit.' Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted.'
H/T Liz B
Sunday, 25 January 2009
Wife's Night Out.......
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Bring back the Clippies....
...although I am not sure I would want a case of 'Iron Jelloids'.
H/T DML
Story of the Day...
The Survivor: She walks 12 hours a day to save job. I hope someone comes forward to help this lady.
H/T DML
Rush on Hannity....Jan 21
Part 2
Barack Obama picks a fight with Rush Limbaugh as bipartisan spirit crumbles. Obama's halo is now in the dirt.
The Sunday Best....
Productive stimulus: Fast-track nuclear power. We need something like this over here. Also the construction industry could be put to work refurbishing all military accomodations which are in a very sorry state. Both are necessary and a good use of public money. Instead expect spurious building projects in Labour voting areas to shore up Labour's declining popularity. (H/T Joe)
Across Britain people ask: is this country going bust? Too late, we are well and truly bankrupt.
How Gorbals Mick used our money to pulp guide to MPs' expenses. The most crooked pig in parliament. He must be thrown out.
£10,000 junket to Brussels for the Cabinet Sir Humphreys as dole queue hits 10-year high. Sack the bloody lot.
£35 billion black hole in council pensions. The local government is too big and must be cut back hard. Sod their pensions.
Afghanistan's 'Guantanamo' poses new prison problem for Barack Obama. You have got to keep the terrorists somewhere, or stop taking prisoners. They don't so why should we.
Zimbabwe's cholera epidemic could top 60,000 cases, UN says. Will Obama help his African brethren? Don't bet on it.
Barack Obama picks a fight with Rush Limbaugh as bipartisan spirit crumbles. His halo is now in the dirt.
Man sues strip club after being hit in face by dancer's shoe. Yusuf?
Syria will be first rogue state to get Barack Obama charm offensive. And they will take full advantage of his naivety to get total control of Lebanon.
Jamie Oliver: 'I know we're in a recession, but we can still buy British'. We should only buy British produce except for things we cannot grow ourselves.
Revealed: Labour lords change laws for cash. What do you expect! Socialists pigs are experts when it comes to getting their noses in the trough. Most of the recent Labour peers bought their titles from Blair in the first place.
British commandos capture Taliban post. Woohoo. Keep it up lads.
Hundreds of BBC staff snaffle six-figure pay. Not one of them is worth it. The licence fee is being abused and must be abolished or reduced to £50 per year.
US navy seeks arms bound for Hamas A full blockade by land and sea is required. Anyone caught shipping weaponry should be charged with supporting terrorism and then be shot.
Mugabe’s bitter troops close private schools. How long must the suffering continue. Brown is a coward for not acting.
Gibraltar builds on ‘stolen land’. Sod the Spanish. Gib is ours and forever will be.
New witness saw assault by Mrs Mugabe. She won't be around for much longer.
Barack Obama asks Gordon Brown for more soldiers. Where from? We need to increase our forces, the Tories must pledge to do it.
Chinese keep low profile to cash in on the slump in Zambia. China will own most of Africa soon.
Israel finds huge natural gas reserve. Just wait for the Palestinians to say it belongs to them.
the Clarkypoos bit.
Get another round in, lads – we’ve got some pubs to save.
Ford Ka Zetec 1.2
and Jimmy May.
Pedalling perfection.
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Truisms Part 1.....
1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .
3. She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.
4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a
weapon of math disruption.
5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
H/T Stormbringer
Now that is cold......
...Global Warming hit this Swiss town in 2005. A sign of things to come.
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H/T Pete Hurrell
A Living Will.....
I,_______________, being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means . Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of pinhead politicians who couldn’t pass ninth-grade biology if their lives depended on it, or lawyers/doctors interested in simply running up the bills . If a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to ask for at least one of the following:
Glass of wine
Chocolate
Margarita
Sex
Peach Bellini
Cold Beer
Chocolate
Chicken fried steak
Cream gravy
Sex
Mexican food
Chocolate
French fries
Chocolate
Pizza
Sex
Ice cream
Cup of tea
Sex
Chocolate
It should be presumed that I won’t ever get better . When such a determination is reached, I hereby instruct my appointed person and attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes, let the ‘fat lady sing,’ and call it a day!
H/T DML
Saturday, 24 January 2009
Global Warming Update....
Gaia Re Gaia. Global warming is all Gaia's fault. The little minx. Jules has the gen.
