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Monday, 2 February 2009
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Where to Live After Retirement:
You can live in Phoenix where...
1.You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.
2. You've experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.
4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
5. You know that 'dry heat' is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.
6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!
OR, you can Live in California where...
1. You make over $250,000 but still can't afford to buy a house.
2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
6. The 4 seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud and drought!
OR, you can Live in New York City where...
1. You say "The City" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan .
2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
3. You think Central Park is "Nature."
4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
5. You've worn out a car horn (Ed note, if you even have a car!)
6. You think eye contact is an Act of Aggression.
OR, you can Live in Minnesota where...
1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco .
2. Halloween costumes all fit over parkas.
3. You have more than one recipe for moose.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.
OR, you can Live in the Deep South where...
1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2. "Y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
3. "He needed killin'' is a valid defense.
4. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc.
5. Everything is either '"n yonder," "over yonder" or "out yonder." It's important to know the difference too!
OR, you can live in Colorado where...
1.. You carry your $3000.00 mountain bike atop your $500 car!
2.. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and so he stops at the day care center.
3.. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4.. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.
OR, you can live in Ohio where...
1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?"
5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was different!"
OR FINALLY, you can live in Florida where...
1. You eat "dinner" at 3:15 in the afternoon.
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5. Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by headless people.
H/T Shelly
Sunday, 1 February 2009
Topical seeing as the UK is about to 'disappear' under 2 inches of snow.......
...so all those people who are not unemployed or on strike will have the perfect excuse not to go to work tomorrow.
Late News....
Half of us are barely literate and it's getting worse. Can Britain get any worse?
Illegal immigrants found hidden in bins. They must be desperate. Most sane people are trying to get out of Britain.
More than 100 suspected illegal immigrants caught working on Olympic site. No surprise.
Minority sports hit hard in the pocket as they prepare for 2012 London Olympics. The socialist idiots running this country would hate us to win medals.
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Tips on Getting More Efficiency from your Women Employees
The following is an excerpt from the July 1943 issue of Transportation Magazine. This was written for male supervisors of women in the workforce during World War II, only 61 years ago. The intent was not to be "funny".
1.) Pick young, married women. They usually have more of a sense of responsibility than their unmarried sisters; they're less likely to be flirtatious; they need the work or they wouldn't be doing it; they still have the pep and interest to work hard and to deal with the public efficiently.
2.) When you have to use older women, try to get ones who have worked outside the home at some time in their lives. Older women who have never contacted the public have a hard time adapting themselves and are inclined to be cantankerous and fussy. It's always well to impress upon older women the importance of friendliness and courtesy.
3.) General experience indicates that "husky" girls - those who are just a little on the heavy side - are more even tempered and efficient than their underweight sisters.
4.) Retain a physician to give each woman you hire a special physical examination - one covering female conditions. This step not only protects the property against the possibilities of lawsuit, but reveals whether the employee-to-be has any female weaknesses which would make her mentally or physically unfit for the job.
5.) Give the female employee a definite day-long schedule of duties so that they'll keep busy without bothering the management for instructions every few minutes. Women make excellent workers when they have their jobs set out for them, but they lack initiative in finding work themselves.
6.) Whenever possible, let the female employee change from one job to another at some time during the day. Women are inclined to be less nervous and happier with change.
7.) Give every girl an adequate number of rest periods during the day. You have to make for some allowances for feminine psychology. A girl has more confidence and is more efficient if she can keep her hair tidied, apply fresh lipstick and wash her hands several times a day.
8.) Be tactful when issuing instructions or in making criticisms. Women are often sensitive; they can't shrug off harsh words the way men do. Never ridicule a woman - it breaks her spirit and cuts off her efficiency.
9.) Be reasonably considerate about using strong language around women. Even though a girl's husband or father may swear vociferously, she'll grow to dislike a place of business where she hears too much of this.
10.) Get enough size variety in operator's uniforms so that each girl can have a proper fit. This point can't be stressed too much in keeping women happy.
Anyone want to post this in their office tomorrow?
H/T DML
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