50 De-Stimulating Facts. And I thought Brown was the master of wasting taxpayers money.
High-ranking Foreign Office diplomat arrested over anti-Semitic gym tirade. Sums up the FO's attitude to Israel. The whole lot are bloody useless.
Climber who fell 370ft rescued after helicopter spots lighter flame from eight miles away. Lucky escape. Why not create a mobile phone with a homing beacon/panic button for emergencies.
Labour areas receive FOUR times more Lottery cash than Conservative constituencies. No s**t.
Golly-phobia gets the Beeb in a right tizz. Sod the BBC.
Families of British servicemen killed in Iraq to get Government help to visit country. A good idea. There again if they had been properly equipped many of them would still have their sons and daughters.
Giant bird goes on Rod Hull and Emu rampage. How had is it to catch a bird?
Zimbabwe cholera epidemic 'will hit 100,000'. Hopefully it will spread to South Africa, then they may drop their support for Mugabe.
Barack Obama is a novice - and it shows. I can think of several much better words.
US military develops anti-aircraft laser. Will it survive Obama's defence cuts?
Iran, 30 Years On: Was it worth it? They wanted change and have been suffering from it ever since. Serves them right.
Treasury’s bank bonus team to get own payout. Why? And how much will be 'donated' back to the Labour party.
Compulsory visas for South Africans. As long as we let the Zimbabweans in.
Taleban release video of Pole being beheaded as warning to foreigners. We must wipe them out by any means necessary.
Australian PM says arsonists guilty of mass murder as bushfire toll rises to 131. Hope they catch them. Does Oz have the death penalty?
Monday, 9 February 2009
News....
Money Saving Tips......
In these harsh times we all seem to be looking for ways to stretch our meagre salaries or savings out.
I hope my following suggestions may give some ideas how to best manage in these dark days:
DON'T waste money on expensive iPods. Simply think of your favourite tune and hum it. If you want to "switch tracks", simply think of another song you like and hum that instead.
DON'T waste money on expensive paper shredders to avoid having your identity stolen. Simply place a few dog turds in the bin bags along with your old bank statements.
HOMEOWNERS: Prevent burglars stealing everything in the house by simply moving everything in the house into your bedroom when you go to bed. In the morning, simply move it all back again.
SAVE money on expensive personalised car number plates by simply changing your name to match your existing plate. - Mr. KVL 741Y,
DON'T waste money buying expensive binoculars; simply stand closer to the object you wish to view.
AN empty aluminium cigar tube filled with angry wasps makes an inexpensive vibrator.
SAVE electricity by turning off all the lights in your house and walking around wearing a miner's hat.
HOUSEWIVES, the best way to get two bottles of washing-up liquid for the price of one is by putting one in your shopping trolley and the other in your coat pocket.
OLD telephone directories make ideal personal address books, simply cross out the names and address of people you don't know.
SAVE on booze by drinking cold tea instead of whisky. The following morning you can create the effects of a hangover by drinking a thimble full of washing up liquid and banging your head repeatedly on the wall.
SAVE a fortune on laundry bills. Give your dirty shirts to Oxfam, they will wash and iron them and you can buy them back for fifty pence.
OLD people, if you feel cold indoors this winter, simply pop outside for ten minutes without a coat, when you go back inside you will really feel the benefit.
CAN'T afford contact lenses? Simply cut out small circles of cling film and press them into your eyes.
WHY pay the earth for expensive jigsaws? Just take a bag of frozen chips from the freezer and try piecing together potatoes.
MIX tea with coffee, and leave in the fridge to cool. Hey presto! Toffee.
MAKE your own inexpensive mints by leaving blobs of toothpaste to dry on a window sill. Use striped toothpaste to make humbugs.
SHOPPERS, when buying oranges, get more for your money by peeling them before taking them to the counter to be weighed.
WOMEN: Don't waste energy faking orgasms. Most men couldn't care less anyway and you could use the saved energy to Hoover the house afterwards
H/T AJD
Navy releases prisoner.......
U.S.Navy releases Al Qaeda Terrorist
The US Navy today announced that it has released a senior Al Qaeda terrorist after questioning him extensively for 27 days while being held prisoner aboard a US aircraft carrier in the Arabian Sea .
In a humanitarian gesture, the terrorist was given $50 US and a white 1962 Ford Fairlane automobile upon being released from custody.
The attached photo shows the terrorist on his way home just after being released by the Navy.
H/T Rico
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Must See Video of the Day: Convoy ( GB )
.. they just played the original Convoy by CW MacCall so I thought I would post the British version. It's a brilliant spoof.
Ice Cream News.......
Baskin Robbins is introducing a new ice cream in honor of the new President, "Barocky Road".
It's half vanilla, half chocolate, surrounded by fruits and nuts!
H/T Nebraska Bob
People were in their pews at church....
Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the congregation. Everyone started screaming and running for the entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from Evil Incarnate. Soon everyone had exited the church except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seeming oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.
So Satan walked up to the old man and said, “Don't you know who I am?”
The man replied, “Yep, sure do.”
“Aren't you afraid of me?” Satan asked.
“Nope, sure ain't,” said the man.
“Don't you realize I can kill with a single word?” asked Satan
“Don't doubt it for a minute,” returned the old man in an even tone.
“Do you know that I can cause you profound horrifying AGONY for all eternity?” persisted Satan.
“Yep,” was the calm reply.
“And you're still not afraid?” asked Satan.
“Nope,” said the old man
More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, “Well, why aren't you afraid of me?”
The man calmly replied, “Been married to your sister for 44 years.”
H/T Stormbringer
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