Bill and Jim were a couple of drinking buddies who worked as aircraft mechanics in London Heathrow. One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do. Bill said, “Man, I wish we had something to drink!”
Jim says, “Me too. Y’know, I’ve heard you can drink jet fuel and get a buzz. You wanna try it?”
So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane hooch and get completely smashed. The next morning Bill wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels. In fact he feels GREAT! NO hangover! NO bad side effects. Nothing! Then the phone rings. It’s Jim. Jim says, “Hey, how do you feel this morning?”
Bill says, “I feel great. How about you?”
Jim says, “I feel great, too. You don’t have a hangover?”
Bill says, “No, that jet fuel is great stuff — no hangover, nothing. We ought to do this more often.”
“Yeah, well there’s just one thing.”
“What’s that?”
“Have you farted yet?”
“No “
“Well, DON’T, ’cause I’m in Birmingham.”
H/T DML
Wednesday, 18 February 2009
Jet Fuel......
From
Theo Spark
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12:47
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Nobody loves her!

'I guess the Muslims in Indonesia didn't get the al Hopeiyah-al Changeiyah memo and don't exactly want Hillary there.' - Rico
From
Theo Spark
at
11:02
1 comments
Video: A Pakistani Woman Talks About the Pakistan-Taliban Sharia Deal
The Taleban cannot be negociated with.
From
Theo Spark
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11:00
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The Eleven Most Expensive Disasters.....
# 11. Titanic - $150 Million
The sinking of the Titanic is possibly the most famous accident in the world. But it barely makes our list of top 10 most expensive. On April 15, 1912, the Titanic sank on its maiden voyage and was considered to be the most luxurious ocean liner ever built. Over 1,500 people lost their lives when the ship ran into an iceberg and sunk in frigid waters. The ship cost $7 million to build ($150 million in today's money)
# 10. Tanker Truck vs Bridge - $358 Million
On August 26, 2004, a car collided with a tanker truck containing 32,000 liters of fuel on the Wiehltal Bridge in Germany . The tanker crashed through the guardrail and fell 90 feet off the A4 Autobahn resulting in a huge explosion and fire which destroyed the load-bearing ability of the bridge. Temporary repairs cost $40 million and the cost to replace the bridge is estimated at $318 Million.
# 9. MetroLink Crash - $500 Million
On September 12, 2008, in what was one of the worst train crashes in California history, 25 people were killed when a Metrolink commuter train crashed head-on into a Union Pacific freight train in Los Angeles . It is thought that the Metrolink train may have run through a red signal while the conductor was busy text messaging.. Wrongful death lawsuits are expected to cause $500 million in losses for Metrolink.
# 8. B-2 Bomber Crash - $1.4 Billion
Here we have our first billion dollar accident (and we ' re only #7 on the list). This B-2 stealth bomber crashed shortly after taking off from an air base in Guam on February 23, 2008. Investigators blamed distorted data in the flight control computers caused by moisture in the system. This resulted in the aircraft making a sudden nose-up move which made the B-2 stall and crash. This was 1 of only 21 ever built and was the most expensive aviation accident in history. Both pilots were able to eject to safety.
# 7. Exxon Valdez - $2.5 Billion
The Exxon Valdez oil spill was not a large one in relation to the world ' s biggest oil spills, but it was a costly one due to the remote location of Prince William Sound (accessible only by helicopter and boat). On March 24, 1989, 10.8 million gallons of oil was spilled when the ship ' s master, Joseph Hazelwood, left the controls and the ship crashed into a Reef. The cleanup cost Exxon $2.5 billion.
# 6. Piper Alpha Oil Rig - $3.4 Billion
The world ' s worst off-shore oil disaster. At one time, it was the world ' s single largest oil producer, spewing out 317,000 barrels of oil per day. On July 6, 1988, as part of routine maintenance, technicians removed and checked safety valves which were essential in preventing dangerous build-up of liquid gas. There were 100 identical safety valves which were checked. Unfortunately, the technicians made a mistake and forgot to replace one of them. At 10 PM that same night, a technician pressed a start button for the liquid gas pumps and the world ' s most expensive oil rig accident was set in motion. Within 2 hours, the 300 foot platform was engulfed in flames. It eventually collapsed, killing 167 workers and resulting in $3.4 Billion in damages.
# 5. Challenger Explosion - $5.5 Billion
The Space Shuttle Challenger was destroyed 73 seconds after takeoff due on January 28, 1986 due to a faulty O-ring. It failed to seal one of the joints, allowing pressurized gas to reach the outside. This in turn caused the external tank to dump its payload of liquid hydrogen causing a massive explosion. The cost of replacing the Space Shuttle was $2 billion in 1986 ($4.5 billion in today ' s dollars). The cost of investigation, problem correction, and replacement of lost equipment cost $450 million from 1986-1987 ($1 Billion in today ' s dollars).
# 4. Prestige Oil Spill - $12 Billion
On November 13, 2002, the Prestige oil tanker was carrying 77,000 tons of heavy fuel oil when one of its twelve tanks burst during a storm off Galicia , Spain . Fearing that the ship would sink, the captain called for help from Spanish rescue workers, expecting them to take the ship into harbour. However, pressure from local authorities forced the captain to steer the ship away from the coast. The captain tried to get help from the French and Portuguese authorities, but they too ordered the ship away from their shores. The storm eventually took its toll on the ship resulting in the tanker splitting in half and releasing 20 million gallons oil into the sea. According to a report by the Pontevedra Economist Board, the total cleanup cost $12 billion.
# 3. Space Shuttle Columbia - $13 Billion
The Space Shuttle Columbia was the first space worthy shuttle in NASA ' s orbital fleet. It was destroyed during re-entry over Texas on February 1, 2003 after a hole was punctured in one of the wings during launch 16 days earlier. The original cost of the shuttle was $2 Billion in 1978. That comes out to $6.3 Billion in today ' s dollars. $500 million was spent on the investigation, making it the costliest aircraft accident investigation in history. The search and recovery of debris cost $300 million. In the end, the total cost of the accident (not including replacement of the shuttle) came out to $13 Billion according to the American Institute of Aeronautics and Astronautics..
# 2. Chernobyl - $200 Billion
On April 26, 1986, the world witnessed the costliest accident in history. The Chernobyl disaster has been called the biggest socio-economic catastrophe in peacetime history. 50% of the area of Ukraine is in some way contaminated. Over 200,000 people had to be evacuated and resettled while 1.7 million people were directly affected by the disaster. The death toll attributed to Chernobyl , including people who died from cancer years later, is estimated at 125,000. The total costs including cleanup, resettlement, and compensation to victims has been estimated to be roughly $200 Billion. The cost of a new steel shelter for the Chernobyl nuclear plant will cost $2 billion alone. The accident was officially attributed to power plant operators who violated plant procedures and were ignorant of the safety requirements needed.
# 1. 2008 Presidential Election- $800 Billion in the first two months alone.......
H/T Shelly
From
Theo Spark
at
10:49
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From
Theo Spark
at
10:42
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comments
Bye Bye Bozo.....

Law Lords back Qatada deportation.
Stick him on a plane this afternoon and throw in his lawyers for good measure. The European Court of Human Rights does not have jurisdiction in this case.
H/T Theofilius
From
Theo Spark
at
10:37
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The Presidential Limo if Obama had his way!

MORE HERE
H/T Peter Gunn
From
Theo Spark
at
10:33
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One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift
The next year, he didn't buy her a gift.
When she asked him why, he replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
And that's how the fight started.....
H/T Peter Gunn
From
Theo Spark
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10:20
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News.....
Explosives haul missing in Gaza. Next time, and there will be one, drop one MOAB instead of all the itty bitty little ones.
Brits trapped on South Pole liner. A bit of excitement for them.
Foreign workers double to 3.8m under Labour - and majority are from OUTSIDE the EU. Someone has got to do all the jobs the British are too lazy to do. We have made the benefits culture to easy to live on so many have no incentive to work.
Tessa Jowell's estranged husband jailed for 4 years for accepting Berlusconi bribe - but he won't spend a day behind bars. She should resign. Had it been a Tory spouse they would have been hounded from office.
Picture: Lakelander
At last! Mobile phone giants join forces to launch universal charger. About time.
Giant oil slick closing in on British shores after Russian aircraft carrier dumps 500 tons of fuel in the Irish Sea. What the f**k is a Russki Carrier doing in the Irish Sea? Can't see any planes on it's deck. Must have spent the cash on the fuel.
Dolphin stays for three days with mate wounded in shark attack - before escorting it to humans for help. Ahhhh....
There's no place like dome: An eco-dream of a house...straight from the medieval drawing board. Clever. There again my house if ever built will go up in 6 hours or less.
How 100 Blunkett Bobbies only handed out 15 fines in three years at a cost of £10m. Shop front mannequins would be of more use.
WILLIAM HAGUE: Britain and torture - the questions David Miliband MUST answer. Man's a fool.
Archbishop of York, Dr John Sentamu: Christians are regarded as 'mad' by society. The sooner he is made Archbish-in-Chief the better. Not sure that any of our politicians have the balls to promote him. They seem to have an aversion to a Church of England with a strong leader.
Teens can live without sex but not music. I notice this is 16-24 year olds. Everyone under the age of 16 is shagging for Britain so they can sell their illegal pregnancy story to the press.
Equatorial Guinea hit by 'Dogs of War' attack. Good idea. One of the odious regimes in Africa.
Comrade Duch 'smashed' thousands in his notorious jail. About time someone got tried for the Khmer Rouge atrocities.
Barack Obama refuses to rule out second stimulus package. The first one isn't going to work so the Dims will go for the 'if at first you don't succeed etc' option.
Octuplet mother Nadya Suleman dropped by PR firm after death threats. She is unfit to be a mother. The children should be placed with families who can give them a proper stable upbringing.
Peter Mandelson launches fierce attack on Starbucks chief over UK economy. How did someone with Mandy Pandy's dodgy financial background end up giving 'advice' to a business leader.
Now is the time to champion British farmers. Good idea. The British farmer needs your support.
Elderly Britons given lifeline out of Zimbabwe. They are more than welcome. Better still send the Paras on a long weekend 'safari' to get rid of Mugabe and his cronies.
Gordon Brown 'will miss targets on child poverty'. No surprises. He has missed every other target he has set.
Toxic British waste sent illegally to Africa. At least we are 'exporting' something.
Blue Peter should be modelled on Jeremy Clarkson's Top Gear, says BBC chief. Connie Huq poledancing would also improve ratings! (Yes I know she has left the show.)
Secrecy and denial as Pakistan lets CIA use airbase to strike militants. So they should.
Hillary Clinton warns North Korea on missile testing. Bet they are scared 's**tless'.
Barack Obama deploys 17,000 more troops to Afghanistan. He is becoming a 'warmonger'!!!!!!
Nuclear weapons lab loses 67 computers. Oooops!
Dubai Double Fault. A cosmopolitan city, unless you're Jewish.
and finally......
Five Minutes With: Stephen Fry. A quick interview on the Beeb.
From
Theo Spark
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09:03
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A whole lot of nothing...nothing GOOD, anyway............from Rico.

Let's SEE: Il Douche signs the Porkulus Bill....er, I mean Stimu-less Bill into law and the DJIA tanks even further.
You know "The Bill" by now...the PORK-laden one wrapped in bacon that had-HAD-had to be rushed through RIGHT NOW LAST Friday because it was URGENTLY needed to narrowly avert nothing from happening.
- So urgently needed that ObaMarx signs it TODAY... AFTER his three-day weekend!
Cool!
It would have been so very difficult for ACORN to NOT get that $2 billion in taxpayer dollars!
Keeping COOL with Coolidge, Cal Coolidge..."The people cannot look to legislation generally for success. Industry, thrift, character, are not conferred by act of resolve. Government cannot relieve from toil." How times and attitudes can CHANGE.
From
Theo Spark
at
08:19
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From
Theo Spark
at
08:16
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