Monday, 23 February 2009
News.....
Not so smooth: Gordon Brown puckers up for awkward embrace with Germany's Angela Merkel. OMFG!!
New jobs bloodbath as Royal Bank of Scotland prepares to axe 30,000. Don't expect sympathy from here.
Russian Warship Sinks Chinese Freighter. They 'junked' it!!!
Police fear mass protests and a 'summer of rage' in response to economic crisis. Not if the government has been replaced.
Revealed: Number of British soldiers suffering 'life-changing' injuries in Afghanistan has doubled. The MoD are not very good with the 'truth'.
Van firm LDV owned by Russian oligarch Oleg Deripaska 'wants £40m' in Government aid. Anyone else not surprised at Mandy Pandy's involvement?
EU quangos costing us all £1.8bn called 'not fit for purpose'. All quango's should be abolished. Not one serves a useful purpose except providing 'jobs for the boys'.
Queen Mother immortalised in bronze as memorial statue is finally ready to be unveiled. Good. The old bird deserves a nice statue.
£500 billion bail-out to insure banks' bad debt. And where exactly is this load of cash coming from? Using future taxpayers money (in the form of borrowing) to pay off the present taxpayers debts is crazy and possibly suicidal.
Video showing dog on bicycle becomes YouTube hit. Just proves that people will watch anything. The video is at least 2 years old and has taken all this time to become popular.
Barack Obama pledges to cut US deficit in half by end of first term. Dream on!
China prepares to buy up foreign oil companies. Bad idea. China will hold the world to ransom.
RAF bomber delayed by concrete farce. More gross incompetence.
The Cambridge chaplain fighting fanaticism by radio in Pakistan's Swat valley. Brave man.
Back to the melee of sweat, blood and dust of the Khyber Pass. It has always been a troublesome place.
2,000 apprentices to be taken on across public services. More public sector non-jobs. Labour is using jobs to buy votes.
Shoestring budget for Robert Mugabe's big birthday bash. Let's hope it is his last.
Sound familiar?
Due to the financial crisis, we have no other alternative but to fire Andre.
H/T Rodney
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NEW OFFICE POLICY.......
To be imposed with immediate effect.......
Dress Code:
1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.
2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.
Bereavement Leave:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the
funeral arrangements in your place. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to
allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.
Bathroom Breaks:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the
company bulletin board under the 'Chronic Offenders' category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.
H/T M Kohl
Sunday, 22 February 2009
The Mind Boggles.....
...was this put up as a precaution or did someone actually try it.
H/T Peter Gunn
Footballers Quotes.......
Bless 'em - what would have happened to them if they couldn't play football? (soccer)
"My parents have always been there for me, ever since I was about 7." David Beckham
"I would not be bothered if we lost every game as long as we won the league." Mark Viduka
"Alex Ferguson is the best manager I've ever had at this level. Well, he's the only manager I've actually had at this level. But he's the best manager I've ever had."
David Beckham
"If you don't believe you can win, there is no point in getting out of bed at the end of the day." Neville Southall
"I've had 14 bookings this season - 8 of which were my fault, but 7 of which were disputable." Paul Gascoigne
"I've never wanted to leave. I'm here for the rest of my life, and hopefully after that as well." Alan Shearer
"I'd like to play for an Italian club, like Barcelona " Mark Draper
"You've got to believe that you're going to win, and I believe we'll win the World Cup until the final whistle blows and we're knocked out." Peter Shilton
"I faxed a transfer request to the club at the beginning of the week, but let me state that I don't want to leave Leicester " Stan Collymore
"Without being too harsh on David Beckham, he cost us the match." Ian Wright
"I'm as happy as I can be - but I have been happier." Ugo Ehiogu
"Leeds is a great club and it's been my home for years, even though I live in Middlesborough." Jonathan Woodgate
"I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel." Stuart Pearce
"I took a whack on my left ankle, but something told me it was my right." Lee Hendrie
"I couldn't settle in Italy - it was like living in a foreign country." Ian Rush
"Germany are a very difficult team to play...they had 11 internationals out there today." Steve Lomas
"I always used to put my right boot on first, and then obviously my right sock." Barry Venison
"I definitely want Brooklyn to be christened, but I don't know into what religion yet." David Beckham
"All that remains is for a few dots and commas to be crossed." Mitchell Thomas
"One accusation you can't throw at me is that I've always done my best.." Alan Shearer
"I'd rather play in front of a full house than an empty crowd." Johnny Giles
"Sometimes in football you have to score goals." Thierry Henry
H/T Pete Hurrell
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The Euro Gravy Train rolls on.....
MEPs can teach UK MPs all about expenses fiddling. That's because the MEPs are out of sight and out of mind. Another reason why we should quit Europe.
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