Ok it's a repost form Friday, but I like it.
Monday, 30 March 2009
Marriage....
* Getting married is very much like going to a continental restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.
* At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, “Aren’t you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?” The other replied, “Yes I am, I married the wrong man.”
* Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is really finished. Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his bachelor’s degree and the woman gets her master’s.
* A little boy asked his father, “Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?” And the father replied, “I don’t know, son, I’m still paying for it.”
* Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn’t know his wife until he marries her? Dad: That happens in most countries, son.
* Then there was a man who said, “I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late.
* When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a ten-year married man looks happy - we wonder why.
* Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbours listen.
* After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, “You know, I was a fool when I married you.” And the husband replied, “Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn’t notice it.”
* A man inserted an ‘ad’ in the classifieds: “Wife wanted”. Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: “You can have mine.”
* When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.
* How do most men define marriage? A very expensive way to get your laundry done free.
* The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.
* When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. - Sacha Guitry
* Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe. - Jackie Mason
* Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
H/T DML
News.....
Jacqui Smith's humiliation: Minister 'could face axe' after claiming taxpayers' cash for husband's pornographic films. She should have been sacked long ago.
Not even in the Augean sleaze of the Major years did we have a Home Secretary claiming porn on expenses. Littlejohn lets rip.
Brown unites G20 countries... against him. He won't last long now. The local elections should finish him off.
The man who flies lion air: Narnia-style circus duo's amazing performance. Ok that's cool.
Nationwide to buy Dunfermline as taxpayers ride to the rescue again. Another Scottish Bank!
Water police could ban power showers... and summer bills may soar in purge on waste. WTF!
500 staff, armoured limousines, and a fleet of decoy helicopters... Barack Obama set to sweep into UK under huge security. A bit over the top. The Queen manages with a lot less and she is way more important.
Pensioner booked for speeding... in a 1923 Model T Ford that doesn't even have a speedo. Just shows how bloody stupid our courts have become.
University offers social media degree about Facebook, Twitter and Bebo. Anyone studying this should not recieve grants or loans.
North Korea 'preparing second missile launch'. They haven't got the first up yet. It would be a good test for the USAF airborne lazer.
Rise of sea levels is 'the greatest lie ever told'. Tut tut Mr Gore, it seems you have been telling porkies.
Golf clubs 'dying because players can't afford a round'. Some green fees are daylight robbery.
China's global cyber-espionage network GhostNet penetrates 103 countries. Time to block China the way they block us.
Extreme Right gains ground as Ukraine falls into crisis. Watch out for Russia's interference.
'Dumbest criminal' arrested after police convention robbery. Doh!
General Sir Richard Dannatt says MoD took eye off Iraq as Afghan instability grew. The MoD has never had it's eye on anything.
US Vice-President Joe Biden's daughter Ashley filmed snorting lines of cocaine. If Biden was my father I too would need drugs.
A Tale of Two First Ladies: Times Online disses M'chelle; awestruck by Carla Bruni-Sarkozy. From the Cutting Edge
Al Gore Leaves The Light On For Ya. Hypocrite!
Hillary Clinton leaves flowers for Our Lady of Guadalupe, asks ‘Who painted it?’ Ooops.
and finally.....
New wireless stun gun launched. I want one. (H/T Chad)
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Investing in "isms" but NOT results.......from Rico
I REALLY loved hearing our pResident Hussein al-Chicago tell us we needed to "invest" in education the other day. More HIS idea, OUR money.
It makes sense I suppose from the point-of-view of our nations corrupticrats. Dumbing down the American voter through government-run unionized skools has worked awfully well for them so far! Throwing MORE good money after BAD into gooberment skuls does create a great many more horridly stoopid voters which is GREAT for the Democrats.
Look at the numbers. We already are paying twice as much for half the result. WHY?
- Government (the US Dept of Education) does few things well, including education.
- The NEA (teachers union) does nothing well except garner undeserved pay raises from government for producing functionally illiterate but 'good' (compliant) young socialists to register and vote Communist....errrr, Democrat.
This must then BE the intended and desired result. The great unwashed, ignorant, clueless masses sitting on their collective asses 'waiting' for government to take care of their every need and want and gullibly swallowing every idiotic utterance by their "leaders" and political masters. Blessedly FREE of responsibility and quite free of freedom.
- Silly me, I had presumed that thoughtful, informed, competent, skilled, individuals capable of critical thinking and free/able to achieve their full potential was the desired result of an education.
Orwell was prescient. Freedom is slavery, and slavery is freedom...at least if you're an Obamunista!
THIS POTENT COMBINATION IS DOING WHAT ALL THE OTHER "ISMS" IN HISTORY COULD NOT DO: DESTROY AMERICA.
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WHY GOD MADE MUMS.....
Answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions:
Why did God make mothers?
1. She's the only one who knows where the sticky tape is.
2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.
How did God make mothers?
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3. God made my Mum just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.
What ingredients are mothers made of ?
1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from mens' bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.
Why did God give you your mother and not some other Mum?
1. We're related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's Mums like me.
What kind of little girl was your Mum?
1. My Mum has always been my Mum and none of that other stuff.
2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.
What did Mum need to know about Dad before she married him?
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?
3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?
Why did your Mum marry your Dad?
1. My Dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mum eats a lot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My Grandma says that Mum didn't have her thinking cap on.
Who's the boss at your house?
1. Mum doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because Dad's such an idiot.
2. Mum. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
3. I guess Mum is, but only because she has a lot more to do than Dad.
What's the difference between Mums & Dads?
1. Mums work at work and work at home and Dads just go to work at work.
2. Mums know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller & stronger, but Mums have all the real power 'cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend's.
4. Mums have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.
What does your Mum do in her spare time?
1. Mothers don't have spare time.
2. To hear her talk, she pays bills all day long.
What would it take to make your Mum perfect?
1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2. You know her hair. I'd die it, maybe blue.
If you could change one thing about your Mum, what would it be?
1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that.
2. I'd make my Mum smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me.
3. I would like her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.
H/T M Kohl
Sunday, 29 March 2009
Comparing Obama-Lincoln [Reagan's Ghost speaks]......from Rico
I have yet to be amused by comparisons of BHO to Lincoln. There is no comparison as far as I can see.
I am not amused by efforts in Maryland to change the state song to (among other things) remove oblique references to Lincoln as a tyrant. Honest history does not portray Lincoln as a living saint.
I am not amused that in order to lower my tax burden it took a substantial capital gains loss to do so. I found that move overwhelmingly counterproductive to my eventual efforts to amass sufficient financial resources to permit me to retire for real.
Ronnie
Rico writes....
Ronnie is quite right. There is NO valid comparison of BHO to Lincoln, BUT I think that while 'some' (Copperheads a.k.a. Democrats) liked to falsely 'call' Lincoln a tyrant, their modern-day versions (Communists a.k.a. Democrats) and BHO actually WANT BHO TO BE A TYRANT!
After all....it's not really fascism in their minds if THEY do it!
NOT AMUSING. NOT AT ALL!!! 
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