Monday, 6 April 2009
Missile shield a la Obama......by Rico
This has the potential to NOT end well.
When a midget and pipsqueek Communist tyrant feels free to challenge the TOTUS, and actually appears to be a bigger man than the TOTUS (hard to believe, I know...but by any measure he well may be, which isn't saying very much about either of them), well, you'd have to be delusional and massively medicated with a large lithium-thorazine cocktail to think otherwise.
Stuttering idiot Obama's "missile shield" ...won't..uh....well...ah, er...uh...humma...um..." quite get the job done that needs to be done.
The next level of intimidation to come from our MOTUS (Metrosexual of the US) will probably be a threat to say something really harsh to 'Lil Kim (NO Obama, not the singer you like) next time. 
Rowing backwards financially.....from Rico
It is really not much of a surprise, given that the 'reality' our MOTUS Obama sees is exactly the opposite of what any sane adult person might conclude, to see him rowing the national boat not only in the wrong direction but backwards (financially).
This guy is clueless, but that's exactly why George Soros wanted him where he is today.
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News....
Teachers report widespread abuse. It was the teaching unions that 'abolished' discipline in schools. Now they are whining about the consequences.
UK deficit 'more than predicted'. Actually it was predicted by everyone with any brains. Sadly that excludes the Socialist rabble running this country.
The schoolboy 'torturers': Police quiz two children as boys, 9 and 11, are slashed, burned and thrown into 30ft ditch. WTF! Name them and prosecute their parents.
Back again: Deported twice but Algerian bag thief saunters in to Britain for the SECOND time in two years. What do customs do all day?
I'll lead us to a nuke-free world, promises Obama hours after North Korea fires long-range missile. He is without doubt the most dangerous idiot on the planet. He is going to get into a full scale world war.
British troops fear for fate of mascot Sandbag the dog who could be killed when they leave Iraq. Bring him home. Customs will never notice.
Second tragedy for Tsvangirai as his two-year-old grandson drowns in his swimming pool. One accident maybe, but two?
Firefighters told to use poles to test fire alarms... as stepladders 'are too dangerous'. Next they will be banned from using hoses 'cos they are heavy!!!!
Archbishop of York calls for St George's Day to be 'unifying' public holiday. This guy should be head of the Church of England. Sadly as he is not some pansy-assed liberal his chances are slim.
Paul Boateng to leave Cape Town after bullying claims. He has always been an odious creep.
Barack Obama goes ahead with missile defence shield despite disarmament pledge. A spot of self-preservation as DC is a likely target.
Hay fever 'could be cured by sex'. Why do I see a lot of hayfever sufferers testing this theory all summer long.
UN fails to reach accord on North Korea rocket launch. The UN fails at everything. We should quit.
Somali pirates 'capture' 20,000-tonne German ship. We must start hitting their bases.
Barack Obama can't make rogues like North Korea play by his rules. He is a fantasist.
Leave Turkey’s bid to join EU to us, Nicolas Sarkozy warns Barack Obama. Sarko would do well in the UK.
and finally....
Tip Of The Day: Never tick off a guy that owns a backhoe. (H/T JMH)
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Airline Announcements
United Flight Attendant announced, 'People, people we're not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!
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On landing, the stewardess said, 'Please be sure to take all of your belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have. '
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'There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane'
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An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a 'Thanks for flying our airline.' He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane.
She said, 'Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?'
'Why, no, Ma'am,' said the pilot. 'What is it?'
The little old lady said, 'Did we land, or were we shot down?'
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As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Ronald Reagan, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: 'Whoa, big fella, WHOA!'
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After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced, 'Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because sure as hell everything has shifted after a landing like that.'
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Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: 'We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal.'
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Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo , Texas on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, 'Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo . Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!'
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'Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and, in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments.'
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'As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses......except for that gentleman over there.'
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Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake City . The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, 'That was quite a bump, and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault, it was the asphalt.'
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After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix , the attendant came on with, 'Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Capt. Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal.'
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Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: 'We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of US Airways.'
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Heard on a Southwest Airline flight - 'Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing and if you can light 'em, you can smoke 'em.'
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A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport . After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, 'Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles . The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax... OH, MY GOD!' Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, 'Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry i f I scared you earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!'
A passenger in Coach yelled, 'That's nothing. You should see the back of mine!'
H/T Nebraska Bob
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More Mensa Funnies....
Here are the winners of this year's Washington Post's Mensa Invitational which, once again, asked readers to take any word from the dictionary,alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition:
1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
2. Ignoranus: A person who is both stupid and an asshole.
3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which
lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people
that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
13. Glibido: All talk and no action.
14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web..
16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
17. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.
H/T Shelly
Sunday, 5 April 2009
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