1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.
2. Turn your cap straight, your head isn’t crooked.
3. Let’s get this straight; it’s called a ‘dirt road.’ I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you’re going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
4. They are cattle. They’re live steaks. That’s why they smell funny to you. But they smell like money to us. Get over it. Don’t like it? Hwy 7 & 401 goes east and west, Hwy 15 & 416 goes north and south. Pick one.
5. So you have a $60,000 car. We’re impressed. We have $150,000 combines and hay balers that are driven only 3 weeks a year.
6. So every person in rural Ontario waves. It’s called ‘being friendly. Try to understand the concept.
7. If that cell phone rings while an 8-point buck and 3 does are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don’t have it up to your ear at the time.
8. Yeah, we eat meat and potatoes. You really want sushi & caviar? It’s available at the corner bait shop.
9. The ‘Opener’ refers to the first day of deer hunting season. It’s a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.
10. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of age.
11. There’s little for ‘vegetarians’ on the menu. Order steak. Or you can order the Chef’s Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.
12. When we set a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup.
13. You bring ‘coke’ into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice.
14. You bring ‘Mary Jane’ into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
15. Ontario Hockey League and Minor Hockey is as important here as the Maple Leafs and Montreal Habs, and more fun to watch.
16. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don’t hit the water hazards — it spooks the fish.
17. Colleges? We have them all over. We have Universities and Community Colleges. They come out of there with an education plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at everybody when they come for the holidays.
18. We have a whole ton of folks in the Armed Forces. So don’t mess with us. If you do, you will get whipped by the best.
19. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump crap isn’t music, anyway. We don’t want to hear it anymore than we want to see your boxers. (Refer back to #1).
20. TWO inches of snow & ice isn’t a blizzard - it’s a vacation. Drive in it like you have some sense, and DON’T take all our bread, milk, and bleach from the grocery stores. This isn’t Alaska, worst case you may have to live a whole day without croissants. The pickups with snow blades and tractors with snow blowers will have you out the next day.
Borrowed from Mitchieville
H/T JMH
Tuesday, 21 April 2009
This could apply to Norfolk......
Monday, 20 April 2009
Interactive British Army 'Game'......
Start Thinking Soldier.
Hopefully this will work outside the UK.
Very Silly.....
Daffy Duck on a dirty weekend calls reception and asks for a condom. The reception says, 'shall I put them on your bill?'
Daffy replies…..
'Don’t be thucking thupid I’d thufficate'
H/T M Kohl
The Rambo Syndrome......by Stormbringer
According to the Obama Administration, returning Veterans (amongst others) are suspected domestic terrorists, and require close scrutiny.
Secretary of the Dept. of Homeland Security, Janet Napolitano, in coordination with the FBI, released an intelligence assessment on what it calls "Rightwing Extremism". The same people who deplored "domestic spying" when it applied to al Qaeda operatives - REAL terrorists operating within our borders - are now establishing guidelines for watching American citizens who harbor an interest in limited government and Constitutional rights.
Whatever happened to the Liberal's (morally bankrupt) mantra "We Support the Troops We Don't Support Their Cause"? It didn't take long for the old "babykiller" sentiment to coalesce into national policy. Personally, I'm not surprised, I've seen it before; the next time I am called a "trained killer" will not be the first.
Welcome home, Vets! Be advised: you are being profiled.
This is disgraceful.
More great stuff at STORMBRINGER
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Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just been run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised, and he's walking with a limp.
'What happened to you?' asks Sean, the bartender.
'Jamie O'Connor and me had a fight,' says Paddy.
'That little O'Connor,' says Sean, 'He couldn't do that to you, he must have had something in his hand.'
'That he did,' says Paddy, 'a shovel is what he had, and a terrible lickin' he gave me with it.'
'Well,' says Sean, 'you should have defended yourself. Didn't you have something in your hand?'
'That I did,' said Paddy, 'Mrs. O'Connor's breast, and a thing of beauty it was; but useless in a fight.'
H/T Casasquirrels
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Last Week's Best Late-Night Jokes.... from PeterGunn
"The Obamas have a new White House dog. It is a Portuguese water dog named Bo. Bo arrived just in time, because Sasha and Malia were getting tired of throwing Frisbees at Joe Biden." --Jimmy Fallon
"This Wednesday, April 15th, taxes are due, but people who work for President Obama are busy doing their taxes for 1998, '99, 2000." --Jay Leno
"This pirates stuff is unbelievable, but the Obama administration is getting high marks for the way they handled the rescue situation this weekend, or the military did. But with all the problems we have right now, who would have guessed that on top of everything else our new president would have to deal with pirates? What's next? A dragon? Ghosts?" --Jimmy Kimmel
"And a lot of protests today. Thousands of people had these tea parties, during which they protested higher taxes. But here in LA, it was called the Green Herbal Double Decaf Tea Party." --Jay Leno
"Barack Obama's daughters are very smart. They told him they will take the same responsibility for the dog that he is taking for the economy. That way, if the dog leaves a mess in the White House, it'll be cleaned up by future generations." --Jay Leno
"Actually, this has become a first family tradition. All the first families have had a dog. The Obamas have Bo, that's the name of the dog. The Bushes had Barney. The Clintons, of course, had Bill ." --Jay Leno
"And you know they have Bo wearing one of those electronic collars. If he strays beyond the perimeter of the White House grounds he gets a little buzz. That's to make sure he doesn't -- no, wait a minute, that's Joe Biden." --David Letterman
"President Obama should get a big refund this year because he has a lot of dependents. AIG, Citibank, Morgan Stanley -- all dependents." --Jay Leno
"Well, hey, it's tax day today. It's tax day. It's Wednesday, April 15th. But if you don't get yours down in time, don't worry about it. The good news is, you may be on your way to an Obama cabinet position. So that's good. Congratulations. Good luck." --Jimmy Fallon
"President Barack Obama got quite a reception when he was in Europe last week. Did you see while he was visiting Germany, the crowd started chanting, 'Yes, we can! Yes, we can!' Pretty amazing, a bunch of Germans chanting, 'Yes, we can.' That has got to make the French a little nervous, huh?" --Jay Leno
