Buy one here
Caution: Do not show this to your wife or girlfriend.
H/T JMH
Sunday, 3 May 2009
Leadership test.......
Which Political Leader Are You Most Like?
Apparently I am like Andrew Jackson
H/T Canis 61
The Lone Ranger's Last Request......
The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian War Party.
The Indian Chief proclaims, "So, YOU are the great Lone Ranger ....In honor of the Harvest Festival, YOU will be executed in three days. Before I kill you, I grant you three requests"
"What is your FIRST request ???'
The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse."
The Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger who whispers in
Silver's ear, and the horse gallops away.
Later that evening, Silver returns with a beautiful blonde woman on his back..
As the Indian Chief watches, the blonde enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night.
The next morning the Indian Chief admits he's impressed.. "You have a very fine and loyal horse", But I will still kill you in two days. What is your SECOND request ???"
The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse. Silver is brought to
him, and he again whispers in the horse's ear. As before, Silver takes off and disappears over the horizon.
Later that evening, to the Chief's surprise, Silver again returns, this time with a
voluptuous brunette, more attractive than the blonde. She enters the Lone Rangers tent and spends the night.
The following morning the Indian Chief is again impressed.
"You are indeed a man of many talents, But I will still kill you tomorrow. What is your LAST request ???"
The Lone Ranger responds,
"I'd like to speak to my horse, .... alone."
The Chief is curious, but he agrees, and Silver is brought to the Lone Ranger's tent.
Once they're alone, the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears, looks him square in the eye and says,
"Listen Very Carefully !!!!FOR... THE... LAST... TIME...I SAID ...
BRING POSSE"
H/T DML
Accountant FAQ..........
Q. What is the difference between tax avoidance and tax evasion?
A. Jail.
Q. What's the definition of an accountant?
A. Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.
Q. What's the definition of a good tax accountant?
A. Someone who has a loophole named after him.
Q. When does a person decide to become an accountant?
A. When he realises he doesn't have the charisma to succeed as an undertaker.
Q. What's an extroverted accountant?
A. One who looks at your shoes while he's talking to you instead of his own.
Q. What's an auditor?
A. Someone who arrives after the battle and bayonets all the wounded.
Q. What's an accountant's idea of trashing his hotel room?
A. Refusing to fill out the guest comment card.
Q. How do you drive an accountant completely insane?
A. Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him and fold up a road map the wrong way.
Q. What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don't?
A. Depreciation.
H/T DML
Prevent SWINE FLU!!!!............from Rico
I have a certain, guaranteed, sure-fire way to PREVENT SWINE FLU!
Don't believe me?
Just DON'T vote for NuLabor, Democrats, or any of the Socialist-Communist swine infesting the place ever again, and watch just how quickly all these manufactured 'crises' simply go away.
It's long overdue, but the political 'pool' has now become a petrie dish that is toxic to freedom and needs a shock chlorination....
Off to re-read (yet again) Orwell's "Animal Farm" over a fine single malt and reflect on his brilliance "...all animals are equal, except some are more equal than others..." (sigh).
Please talk to your family about Prevention of this Swine Flu!!
DON'T DO THIS!!
The Sunday Best.....
As Labour plotters plan to replace Brown, Charles Clarke's shock demand: Ed Balls must be sacked. Kick him into touch.
Rebel MPs on Labour hit list for punishment over Gurkha defeat. Brown's purges begin.
Ministers spend £30,000 on media courses in how NOT to answer questions. I wasn't aware ministers ever answered questions.
Pilot's miracle escape as plane crash lands ... on a pile of Portaloos. Talk about landing in the s**t.
Tanks for the memories... Britain ends tank production after 93 years - and future models will have GERMAN guns. WTF. We must keep the skills to make tanks. We do not know what the future hold. Brown has wrecked our ability to defend ourselves.
Soldier who lost use of his legs makes it to half way stage of the London Marathon. A true bloody hero.
Like a good wine, she just gets better with age. So move over Gordon Brown - let's make Joanna Lumley PM!. A national treasure.
Gordon Brown under fire as Hazel Blears attacks 'lamentable' failures. Savaged by a chipmunk.
Battle rages over our tragic failure in Afghanistan. The MoD are a disgrace and must be sacked en-masse. The military do not need a ministry.
Everyone wants justice for Gurkhas, except the MoD. The Gurkha's have done more for the defence of the nation than the MoD.
Army angry as Afghan role cut. You cannot fight a war on the cheap. The military should remove Brown.
Iraq bloodshed rises as US allies defect. The Obama effect!
Somali pirates keep German ship as elite force is withdrawn. Not a good move.
Russia to build floating Arctic nuclear stations. Is Obama going to stop Russia 'annexing' the arctic?
the Clarkypoos bit.....
Gordon the ass is stomping over everyone’s pets.
Lotus Evora 2+2
and little Jimmy May Rock and Rolls.
the blog round-up......
Obama's Litmus Test for SCOTUS: "empathy" from Three Beers Later
Nothing like having the "people on your side" from Scotty
The Perfect Storm from Stormbringer
IDF Women from Double Tapper
Euro Elections - Which Party should I vote for? from Daily Referendum
How To Feel Great from Jeremy
An Old Lesson, Re-Learned from Neptunus Lex
Trust and money from Maggie's Farm
Ha ha Jules Crittenden is amused
Why We Need More SF Troops. from Rogue Gunner
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Groan.....
1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.
2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, “I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything.”
3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
4. A dyslexic man walked into a bra.
5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and says: “A beer please, and one for the road.”
6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: “Does this taste funny to you?”
7. “Doc, I can’t stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home.”
“That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome.”
“Is it common?”
“Well, It’s Not Unusual.”
8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, “I was artificially inseminated this morning.”
“I don’t believe you,” says Dolly.
“It’s true; no bull!” exclaims Daisy.
9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you’ve heard this bull before.
11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn’t find any.
12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, “Doctor, doctor, I can’t feel my legs!” The doctor replied, “I know, I amputated your arms!”
13. I went to a seafood disco last week… and pulled a mussel.
14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fish.
15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says, “Dam!”
16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the raft. Not surprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.
17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel, and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office, and asked them to disperse.
“But why,” they asked, as they moved off.
“Because,” he said. “I can’t stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.”
18. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt , and is named “Ahmal.” The other goes to a family in Spain ; they name him “Juan.” Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, “They’re twins! If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Ahmal.”
19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him. a super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
20. A dwarf, who was a mystic, escaped from jail. The call went out that there was a small medium at large.
21. And finally, there was the person who posted twenty different puns for his friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
H/T DML
A Reader Writes.....
Dear Theo,
I have just returned to Australia after spending 5.5 weeks in your
lovely country. We travelled 3,150 miles in 4 weeks after spending a week
in London, and enjoyed it all. Avoiding the main cities, we spent time in
Devon, Cornwall, Somerset, Wales, the Ribble Valley, the Lake District,
Edinburgh, the Highlands, Skye, the Border districts, Durham, York,
Stamford, Cambridge and then back to London. We were lucky enough to make
the Anzac day services at Hyde Park Corner and Westminster Abbey before
coming home. I loved the cask ales, and the lovely English ladies (though
my wife kept a close eye on me!). If some English asshole hadn't run into
my car on the last day of the rental at Windsor Castle, it would have been a
lot better!
Thanks to all Great Britain!
Geoff and Esther.
Saturday, 2 May 2009
Meet the Blogs...on the tea party/TCOT machinations...
I had the pleasure of sharing today's "Meet the Blogs" (free) this time about Airforce One and Tea Party "strife"/reorganisation">Meet the Blogs with Steven Green and Roger L. Simon (who hosts).
Hey its got Monty Python, a few drinks and a whole lot of round-about ways of saying someone is being a prat.
Club Sandwich....
I am trying to get my two favorite 'bars' to put a club sandwich on their menus. Anyone got a recipe for the best one?
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