Sarah Palin honored by NRA with special Alaska-themed assault rifle
Tuesday, 5 May 2009
Stock Market Jargon......
BULL MARKET - A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET - A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewellery, and the husband gets no sex.
VALUE INVESTING - The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO - The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
BROKER - What my broker has made me.
STANDARD & POOR - Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST - Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT - When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
FINANCIAL PLANNER - A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
MARKET CORRECTION - The day after you buy stocks.
CASH FLOW-- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
YAHOO - What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for £40 per share.
WINDOWS - What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ £240 per share.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR - Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
SHARES- Not something selfish individuals buy.
INDUSTRIAL AVERAGE- The private sector's answer to public education standards so industrialists won't feel bad too.
PROFIT - An archaic word no longer in use.
H/T DML
News....
Foreign stand-in GP leaves two patients dead... but will escape British justice despite admitting manslaughter. Universal healthcare in action.
Now the EU slams Alistair Darling's rapid economic recovery forecast. Darling is the second worst chancellor in history after Brown.
The new male contraceptive jab that is nearly 100% effective. Apart from the needle bit. Actually if christians don't start breeding like rabbits we will be lucky to survive the century.
Licence to let will hit all private landlords. More private sector regulation. Slumlords should have their property confiscated. Good landlords should be left in peace.
Unknown soldiers from Battle of Fromelles to be identified. Let's hope they manage to identify them all.
Pakistan troops clash with Taleban as Swat Valley truce breaks down. Which idiot thought a truce with the Taleban would work.
Iraq security at risk in crackdown on militias who fought al-Qaeda. Obama's 'cut and run' is going to backfire big time.
Barack Obama cracks down on tax havens and loopholes in bid to net $210bn. Is there anyone he has no pissed off?
French excel at eating and sleeping, survey finds. They have to excel at something.
Economic downturn 'twice as bad as feared'. The Euro will be lucky to survive.
US 'concerned Taliban will snatch Pakistan's nuclear weapons'. No s**t.
Discovered: 200 trillion cubic feet of natural gas. And it's not in the Red Shed.
and finally.....
Tea Party Patriots have plans for July 4th.
Stem Cell Moment of Truth. (H/T JMH)
The Eurovision Song Contest just got interesting....
...yep the German entry features Dita Von Teese stripping. Wogan is going to miss this. I don't see Andrew Lloyd Webber beating this.
Movie Review: 'The Wrestler'......
Short Review: The film centers on a sweaty, shirtless middle-aged man wearing tights and I'm still recommending it. Yes, its that good.
Read Scott's full review.
English as per EU commission.....
The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy.. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.
Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.
By the 4th yer peple wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".
During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl.
Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.
Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.
If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl.
H/T M Kohl
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20 things you didn't know about death......
1 The practice of burying the dead may date back 350,000 years, as evidenced by a 45-foot-deep pit in Atapuerca, Spain, filled with the fossils of 27 hominids of the species Homo heidelbergensis, a possible ancestor of Neanderthals and modern humans.
2 Never say die: There are at least 200 euphemisms for death, including “to be in Abraham’s bosom,” “just add maggots,” and “sleep with the Tribbles” (a Star Trek favourite).
3 No American has died of old age since 1951.
4 That was the year the government eliminated that classification on death certificates.
5 The trigger of death, in all cases, is lack of oxygen. Its decline may prompt muscle spasms, or the “agonal phase,” from the Greek word agon, or contest.
6 Within three days of death, the enzymes that once digested your dinner begin to eat you. Ruptured cells become food for living bacteria in the gut, which release enough noxious gas to bloat the body and force the eyes to bulge outward.
7 So much for recycling: Burials in America deposit 827,060 gallons of embalming fluid—formaldehyde, methanol, and ethanol—into the soil each year. Cremation pumps dioxins, hydrochloric acid, sulphur dioxide, and carbon dioxide into the air.
8 Alternatively . . . A Swedish company, Promessa, will freeze-dry your body in liquid nitrogen, pulverize it with high-frequency vibrations, and seal the resulting powder in a cornstarch coffin. They claim this “ecological burial” will decompose in 6 to 12 months.
9 Zoroastrians in India leave out the bodies of the dead to be consumed by vultures.
10 The vultures are now dying off after eating cattle carcasses dosed with diclofenac, an anti-inflammatory used to relieve fever in livestock.
11 Queen Victoria insisted on being buried with the bathrobe of her long-dead husband, Prince Albert, and a plaster cast of his hand.
12 If this doesn’t work, we’re trying in vitro! In Madagascar, families dig up the bones of dead relatives and parade them around the village in a ceremony called famadihana. The remains are then wrapped in a new shroud and reburied. The old shroud is given to a newly married, childless couple to cover the connubial bed.
13 During a railway expansion in Egypt in the 19th century, construction companies unearthed so many mummies that they used them as fuel for locomotives.
14 Well, yeah, there’s a slight chance this could backfire: English philosopher Francis Bacon, a founder of the scientific method, died in 1626 of pneumonia after stuffing a chicken with snow to see if cold would preserve it.
15 For organs to form during embryonic development, some cells must commit suicide. Without such programmed cell death, we would all be born with webbed feet, like ducks.
16 Waiting to exhale: In 1907 a Massachusetts doctor conducted an experiment with a specially designed deathbed and reported that the human body lost 21 grams upon dying. This has been widely held as fact ever since. It’s not.
17 Buried alive: In 19th-century Europe there was so much anecdotal evidence that living people were mistakenly declared dead that cadavers were laid out in “hospitals for the dead” while attendants awaited signs of putrefaction.
18 Eighty percent of people in the United States die in a hospital.
19 If you can’t make it here . . . More people commit suicide in New York City than are murdered.
20 It is estimated that 100 billion people have died since humans began.
H/T DML
Monday, 4 May 2009
Geoff Burch - Top UK Sales Guru
Here's Geoff speaking at a Communicate with Clarity event run by me late last year.
Cutting both ways........from Rico
This cuts both ways. I'm sure some LIBRULS see Amerikkka this way. I sure see huge swaths of uselessness from my perspective, too.
California and NY as GAY? Why YES, they haven't had any testosterone in many a decade...
But, to be more scientific, compare how the redneck map and what is REALLY being reflected in the economy today. Yup! The leftists are screwing the pooch wherever their fantasies are implemented.
THAT's the real reason to vote with your feet and decide which country you want to live in...
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