H/T DML
Thursday, 21 May 2009
World's Greatest Liar.............
Pinocchio, Snow White, and Superman are out for a stroll in town one day. As they walked, they come across a sign: "Beauty contest for the most beautiful woman in the world."
"I am entering!" said Snow White. After half an hour she comes out and they ask her, "Well, how'd ya do?"
"First Place!" said Snow White.
They continue walking and they see a sign: "Contest for the strongest man in the world."
"I'm entering," says Superman. After half an hour, he returns and they ask him, "How did you make out?"
"First Place," answers Superman. "Did you ever doubt?"
They continue walking when they see a sign: "Contest! Who is the greatest liar in the world?" Pinocchio enters.
After half an hour he returns with tears in his eyes.
"What happened?" they asked.
"Who the hell is this Nancy Pelosi?" asked Pinocchio.
Borrowed from Grouchy Old Cripple
H/T JMH
see also Steven Crowder's Waterboarding Pelosi
Light News......
Fiennes climbs to Everest summit. A true bloody hero.
Brown's gaffe as he admits 'Tories would win an election'. His days are numbered.
Britain on the booze: One in four drink at danger level with middle classes the worst offenders. A bunch of pissheads.
'Freeze cost of BBC licence': £3 rise is unfair in recession, say Tories. Labour making sure of the BBC's continuing support.
Michael Martin faces backlash over possible peerage. He belongs in the gutter.
Donald Campbell's Bluebird to 'fly' on Coniston Water again. Brilliant.
MoD mistakenly sends man top secret files. As only the MoD could do.
Barack Obama to appoint Louis Susman American ambassador in London. Another 'insult' to the British.
British firms shut out of lucrative US deals. Obama really doesn't like the British.
Goat leaves the Royal Welsh Regiment. Bye Sarge!!
Sham colleges open doors to Pakistani terror suspects. Find them and boot them out.
Arnold Schwarzenegger faces political end as voters reject budget package. He tried to fix things.
Did Sri Lanka debunk counterinsurgency theory? from Westhawk.
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Video: Classic Lelouch Film - Le Rendevous
On an August morning in 1978, French filmmaker Claude Lelouch mounted a gyro-stabilized camera to the bumper of a Ferrari 275 GTB and had a friend, a professional Formula 1 racer, drive at breakneck speed through the heart of Paris early in the morning . The film was limited for technical reasons to 10 minutes; the course was from Porte Dauphine , through the Louvre, to the Basilica of Sacre Coeur.
No streets were closed, for Lelouch was unable to obtain a permit.
The driver completed the course in about 9 minutes, reaching nearly 140 MPH in some stretches. The footage reveals him running real red lights, nearly hitting real pedestrians, and driving the wrong way up real one-way streets.
Upon showing the film in public for the first time, Lelouch was arrested. He has never revealed the identity of the driver, and the film went underground. If you haven't seen this before it is a classic, if you have seen it I apologize, but it's still a classic. I don't remember going through the Louvre quite that fast before.
H/T Shelly
LETTER OF RECOMMENDATION.............
1 Phineas Dlamini, my assistant programmer, can always be found
2 hard at work in his cubicle. Phineas works independently, without
3 wasting company time talking to colleagues. Phineas never
4 thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always
5 finishes given assignments on time. Often he takes extended
6 measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee
7 breaks. Phineas is an individual who has absolutely no
8 vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
9 knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Phineas can be
10 classed as a high-calibre employee, the type that cannot be
11 dispensed with. Consequently, I truly recommend that Phineas be
12 promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
13 executed as soon as possible.
Addendum
The idiot was standing over my shoulder while I wrote this report. Kindly re-read only the odd numbered lines.
H/T M Kohl
WHY indeed........from Rico
Some people out there actually do "get it" and some media manage to say so.
You'll NOT here this kind of talk from the lapdogs in the US media (a.k.a. the Propaganda Wing of the DNC(C) or soon to be The Ministry of Truth....awww hell, PRAVDA works just as well here)!
Ask yourselves WHY indeed is America the greatest enemy it's current pResident has?
Why does president Pantywaist hate America so badly?
Click to enlarge
Wednesday, 20 May 2009
Video: CRW Skydive Diamond World Record
We posted a pic of this the other day. This is amazing.
H/T Dick B
Oliver Cromwell's Speech on the Dissolution of the Long Parliament
Given to the House of Commons
20th April 1653
It is high time for me to put an end to your sitting in this place, which you have dishonored by your contempt of all virtue, and defiled by your practice of every vice; ye are a factious crew, and enemies to all good government; ye are a pack of mercenary wretches, and would like Esau sell your country for a mess of pottage, and like Judas betray your God for a few pieces of money.
Is there a single virtue now remaining amongst you? Is there one vice you do not possess? Ye have no more religion than my horse; gold is your God; which of you have not barter'd your conscience for bribes? Is there a man amongst you that has the least care for the good of the Commonwealth?
Ye sordid prostitutes have you not defil'd this sacred place, and turn'd the Lord's temple into a den of thieves, by your immoral principles and wicked practices? Ye are grown intolerably odious to the whole nation; you were deputed here by the people to get grievances redress'd, are yourselves gone!
So! Take away that shining bauble there, and lock up the doors. In the name of God, go!
How apt!
H/T The Smiths
Meet Jack Schitt...........
Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt and O. Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertiliser magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Knee-deep Schitt, Inc.
In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt and the deeply religious couple produced 6 children: Holie Schitt, The twins; Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt and Bull Schitt, a high school dropout.
After being married for 15 years Jack and Noe divorced. Noe later married Mr. Sherlock and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was known as Noe Schitt-Sherlock.
Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt and they produced a cowardly son, Chicken Schitt. Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt were inseparable throughout childhood and consequently, married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony.
The Schitt-Happens children are Dawg, Byrd and Horse. Bull Schitt the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned with his new bride, Pisa Schitt.
Now, when someone say’s you don’t know Jack Schitt, you can correct them
H/T DML
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