Theo Spark

Saturday, 4 July 2009

TOP TEN THINGS YOU NEVER HEAR IN CHURCH…

10. Hey! It’s my turn to sit in the front pew.
9. I was so enthralled, I never noticed your sermon went 25 minutes over time.
8. Personally I find witnessing much more enjoyable than golf.
7. I’ve decided to give our church the $500 a month I used to send to TV evangelists.
6. I volunteer to be the permanent teacher for the Junior High Sunday School class.
5. Forget the denominational minimum salary, let’s pay our pastor so he can live like we do.
4. I love it when we sing hymns I’ve never heard before!
3. Since we’re all here, let’s start the service early.
2. Pastor, we’d like to send you to this Bible seminar in the Bahamas.
1. Nothing inspires me and strengthens my commitment like our annual stewardship campaign!

H/T DML

Evian Babies. WTF!!

H/T Liz B

Fourth of July Totty.....

Geezer Pride.....

'Geezers' are easy to spot: At sporting events, during the playing of the Star Spangled BANNER. Old Geezers remove their caps and stand at attention and sing without embarrassment. They know the words and believe in them.

Old Geezers remember the Depression, World War II, Pearl Harbor , Guadalcanal , Normandy and Hitler. They remember the Atomic Age, the Korean War 1950-55, The Cold War, the jet age and the moon landing, the 50 plus Peacekeeping Missions from 1945 to 2005 the Jet Age and the Moon Landing, not to mention Vietnam ..

If you bump into an Old Geezer On the sidewalk he will apologize. If you pass an Old Geezer on the street, he will nod or tip his cap to a lady.. Old Geezers trust strangers and are courtly to women. Old Geezers hold the door for the next person and always, when walking, make certain the lady is on the inside for protection. Old Geezers get embarrassed if someone curses in front of women and children. Old Geezers have moral courage. They seldom brag unless it's about their grandchildren.

It's the Old Geezers who know our great country is protected, not by politicians, but by?the young men and women in the military serving their country.

This country needs Old Geezers with their decent values.
We need them now, more than ever.

Thank God for Old Geezers!

H/T Shelly

Interesting 'Butts'........

H/T DML

Change........from Rico

Seen on US Hwy 15-501 at Lamm's Grove intersection.
(near Durham , N.C. )

Friday, 3 July 2009

Bedtime Totty....

The Spectator Scandals Supplement Advertisement

This could be fun.

Just what Gordon Brown needs.....

H/T Mark W

Cartoon Round Up....

Great Blog Spot...

Borrowed from Maggie's Farm

Breaking.....

Iran To Try Brit Embassy Staff Over Protests. Because they want to humiliate Britain and our government hasn't the balls to stop them.

Good wheat crop.....

View from the Office.....

H/T Nebraska Bob

WTF!!!

H/T DML

Hail in Ontario June 25

H/T Pete H

H/T Boomers

Some thoughts..........

1. Accept that some days you’re the pigeon, and some days you’re the statue.

2. Needing a man is like needing a parachute. If he isn’t there the first time you need him, chances are you won’t be needing him again.

3. I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn’t looking good either.

4. Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, “Where the heck is the ceiling?!”

5. My reality cheque bounced.

6. He who has, so shall he who. - Old Norwegian Proverb

7. Someday we’ll look back on all this and plough into a parked car.

8. There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives.

9. Good news is just life’s way of keeping you off balance.

10. Carelessly planned projects take three times longer to complete than expected. Carefully planned projects take four times longer to complete than expected, mostly because the planners expect their planning to reduce the time it takes.

11. God did not create the world in 7 days; he messed around for 6 days and then pulled an all-nighter.

12. I still miss my ex-wife, but my aim is improving.

13. Stupidity got us into this mess - why can’t it get us out?

14. Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

15. People will accept your ideas much more readily if you tell them that Benjamin Franklin said it first.

16. I don’t mind going nowhere as long as it’s an interesting path.

17. Indecision is the key to flexibility.

18. If it ain’t broke, fix it till it is.

19. I don’t get even, I get odder.

20. In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday.

21. I considered atheism but there weren’t enough holidays.

22. I always wanted to be a procrastinator, never got around to it.

23. Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.

24. My inferiority complex is not as good as yours.

25. I am having an out of money experience.

26. I plan on living forever. So far, so good.

27. Not afraid of heights - afraid of widths.

28. Practice safe eating-always use condiments.

29. A day without sunshine is like night.

30. I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.

31. If marriage were outlawed, only outlaws would have in-laws.

H/T DML