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Tuesday, 7 July 2009
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One sentence stories..............
When I was 5 or so my mom would tell me to lie down before she tied my tie and I just now realized at the age of 19 that she did this because she’s a funeral director.
My 8-year-old sister proudly declared that she knows that “WTF” means “Wow, That’s Funny” and has been using it all over the internet.
I held my father’s hand as he died in that hospital room and realized I’d never held his hand before that moment.
Today you shaved your hair into a mohawk to make my mom laugh over losing hers to chemo and today I realized that you are my hero.
When asked to name the one person absent from her life that she missed the most, she responded, “The person I hoped I’d be by this point in my life.”
I conduct job interviews for a living and nothing gives me a better sense of wielding karma than giving the job to the nervous kid instead of the better qualified arrogant prick.
My online dating service matched me with my cousin.
Arriving home after sitting in traffic for two hours, I said to myself, “Oh, wait, I don’t live here anymore.”
As I woke up from my nap to find written on my feet “This is my momma and you can’t have her,” I realized that my child is very, very strange.
My mother called me to do a chore and I responded, “What you need, Woman,” to which my father chided, “Your mother is NOT a woman!”
H/T DML
Monday, 6 July 2009
Observations of the President's 1st Five Months..............
He has.....
1. Offended the Queen of England .
2. Bowed to the King of Saudi Arabia .
3. Praised the Marxist Daniel Ortega.
4. Kissed Hugo Chavez on the cheek.
5. Endorsed the Socialist Evo Morales of Bolivia .
6. Announced we would meet with Iranians with no pre-conditions.
7. Gave away billions to AIG also without pre-conditions.
8. Expanded the bailouts.
9. Insulted everyone who has ever loved a Special Olympian.
10. Doubled our national debt..
11. Announced a termination of the space defense system the day after the North Koreans launched an ICBM.
12. Despite the urgings of his own CIA director and the prior 4 CIA directors, released information on intelligence gathering.
13. Accepted without public comment the fact that five of his cabinet members cheated on their taxes and two others withdrew after they couldn't take the heat.
14. Appointed a Homeland Security Chief who quickly identified as "dangers to the nation", groups including veterans of the military, and opponents to abortion on demand, and who ordered that the word "terrorism" no longer be used but instead referred to such acts as "man made disasters".
15. Circled the globe so he could openly apologize for America's greatness.
16. Told Mexicans the violence in their country was because of us.
17. Politicized the census by moving it into the White House from its Department of Commerce origins..
18. Appointed as Attorney General the man who orchestrated the forced removal and expulsion from America to Cuba of a nine-year old whose mother died trying to bring him to a life of freedom in the United States and approved the pardon of Marc Rich so Clinton could let the felon go free.
19. Salutes as heroes three Navy SEALS who took down three terrorists who threatened one American life and the next day announces members of the Bush administration will likely stand trial for "torturing" a terrorist, who had played a part in killing 3000 Americans, by pouring water up their nose.
20. Flew Air Force One over New York City causing panic at a cost of $400,000 to get a photo you can make with Photo Shop for less than a dollar.
21. Sent his National Defense Advisor to Europe to assure Europe that the US will no longer treat Israel in a special manner and they might be on their own with the Muslims
22.Began the process of nationalizing the Auto Industry and the Insurance industry.
23 Announced that for intent and purposes the Health Insurance Industry will be nationalized.
24 Sided with Hugo Chavez instead of the Rule of Law as Honduras legally deposed Zelaya and installed Roberto Micheletti as President. It must be noted that the army did so following a lawful order of the Honduras Supreme Court.
And just think only 1360 days to go, if we have anything left.
H/T Shelly
Point of view..............from Rico
'This explains a lot.
If your perspective, your historical point-of-view is one where America and it's entire history...Hell, let's cut the crap, America's very EXISTENCE is as depicted below can there be ANY reasonable doubt that despite what is "said" along hopey-changey lines that all of Obama's and the Left's actions are intentionally meant to destroy America?'
Awesome: Top Gear - Ken Block with James May
This is absolutely amazing......the filmography is brilliant. This is the best Ken Block video on the web todate. Watch out for Ricky Carmichael's cameo appearance.
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News.........
Defensive errors. Why the Mod will never be held to account for their constant failures.
BBC chiefs 'rack up biggest pensions ever seen in public sector'. Another reason to scrap the licence fee.
Umpire, 72, killed as cricketer's throw hits him on the head. A tragic accident. Let's hope the Heath and Safety nazis don't insist on umpires wearing helmets.
Police spending half their time away from front line as paperwork increases. Only half!!
Russia hints it could block nuclear arms deal with US President Barack Obama. Expect some unilateral nuke disarmament from Obama.
Recession may get worse, Gordon Brown warns world leaders. Reality dawns.
140 people killed as China protest suppressed. We should buy more from India which is a democracy.
Iran clerics declare election invalid and condemn crackdown. Just when the Mullahs thought they had crushed to opposition.
'Dodd Continues To Mislead People About the Value of His Irish Property'
Health and safety fears are making Britain a safe place for extremely stupid people. Common sense is long gone. I blame two-bit legal shysters who have made 'accidents' and compensation big business.
UK concedes new Basra death probe. Bulls**t. More lawyers in need of a slap.
and finally.....
Duty Officer Explains Job Is Rigourous.
Australia probes navy 'sex game'.
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Soooo funny: Michael Mackintyre on last nights Top Gear..........
....I had never heard of him 'til last night. This guy is very very funny as he discusses cars and driving.
TOP TEN REASONS WHY TRICK OR TREATING IS BETTER THAN SEX…..
10. You are guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.
9. If you get tired, you can wait 10 minutes and go at it again.
8. The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.
7. You don’t have to compliment the person who gives you so me.
6. It’s O.K. when the person you’re with fantasizes you’re someone else, because you are.
5. Forty years from now you’ll still enjoy candy.
4. If you don’t like what you get, you can always go next door.
3. It doesn’t matter if the kids hear you moaning and groaning.
2. Less guilt the morning after.
1. You can do the whole neighborhood.
H/T DML
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