H/Ts John O via Peter Gunn
Thursday, 9 July 2009
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Maxine on Aging........
Getting older is like visiting an all-you-can-eat buffet. What should be hot is cold, what should be firm is limp, and the buns are bigger than anything else on the menu.
Ever notice how people who tell you to calm down....
are the ones who got you mad in the first place..
Men are always whining about how we're suffocating them.
Personally, I think if you can hear them whining you're not pressing hard enough on the pillow!
When the neighbors play music too loud, I dance naked. Shuts 'em down pretty quick.
I think I have reached my sexpiration date!
Ever get the feeling your stuff strutted off without you??
Christmas is just plain weird. What other time of year do you sit in front of a dead tree
in the living room and eat candy out of your socks.
I've still got "it", but NOBODY wants to see it!
Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up!
It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffeemaker!
As far as I'm concerned, the perfect bra is a sweatshirt.
If you're not supposed to stick Q-tips in your ears, what the hell are they for?
I think I must be wearing a "wonder where they went" bra.
Actually, you can have a healthy sex life well into your later years.
Assuming you can stand the sight of of people your age naked.
Tried on a thong yesterday. I'm still trying to dig it out.
My sex life isn't dead, but the buzzards are circling.
Don't think of it as hot flashes, think of it as your inner child playing with matches!
H/T Don E
Things you don't see in Norfolk....
...actually a few moose, or is that mooses, would liven the place up. Not to mention raising the counties average IQ by several points.
News.........
Remembering a Real Hero. (H/T Nebraska Bob)
Electing a Moron By Alan Caruba
Police chief denounces 'cowardly' iPhone users monitoring speed traps. A good application for the i-phone. (H/T JMH)
O2 for the O’s from Fausta.
Britain 'to build £1m jail in Nigeria' for 400 prisoners serving sentences HERE. WTF!!
The ONE MILLION people who haven't worked since 1997. Stop their benefits.
More British soldiers will die in Afghanistan, says minister as seventh is killed in a week. Mainly due to lack of the proper kit.
Chitty Chitty Bang Ban! Killjoys bar film car from Mayor's parade for having no MoT. Typical of Norfolk plod.
G8 summit: leaders warn global economy faces more danger. No s**t.
Marijuana 'could help solve California's economic problems'. I thought Marijuana had caused most of California's problems.
Barack Obama tells Africa to stop blaming colonialism for problems. Well he is an African so he should know.
Fury over MoD refusal to buy more helicopters for Afghanistan troops. The MoD is the biggest problem our troops face.
G8 leaders claim historic break through on new deal to tackle global warming. Or how to bankrupt the west.
North Korea 'launches massive cyber attack on Seoul'. It is only a matter of time before we have to 'smack' North Korea.
True unemployment rate already at 20% I hate to think what the true figure is in the UK.
and finally............
Democratic Congressman: You expect us to read bills before passing them? The Daley Gator has a good idea.
Camping trip.........
Dan was attending his 4X4 club’s monthly meeting and had just told them he couldn’t make the upcoming camping trip because his wife wouldn’t let him go. After listening to the jeers and other derisive remarks from his fellow 4X4 friends Dan left to go back home to his wife.
When Dan’s friends started arriving to set up camp the following day who should be there but Dan sitting up in front of his truck, tent up, fishing rod in hand, camp oven roast stewing away in a hot bed of coals.
”How did ya talk your wife into letting you go Dan?” “I didn’t have to” was Dan’s reply. “When I left the meeting I went home and slumped down in my chair with a beer to drown my sorrows. Then my wife snuck up behind me and covered my eyes and said, surprise!!
When I peeled her hands back she was standing there in a beautiful see through negligee and she said, “Carry me into the bedroom, tie me to the bed and you can do whatever you want.”
So here I am!
H/Ts DMJ & AJD
Slicker than........from Rico
A really smart guy and trusted friend once used the expression "slicker than snot on a leather mitten" and I have shamelessly stolen it for my own use. It describes the current situation perfectly.
IMHO our feckless.....er, fearless pResident Obama-Soetero-Soro's sock-puppet doesn't need any of this Liagra stuff, he's naturally overflowing with it. His system has no testosterone, so it was easy to fill in the empty spaces with naturally-occurring bullshit.
This may explain why so many defective personalities self-select to be political parasites...they have too much of this stuff in their systems as well.
I find it hard to imagine ANY of the greatest comedy writers/comedians being able to create the unsavory, bumbling, dishonest, clownish, and phoney-artificial characters as those who populate the political scene today.
For those who aspire to a free piggy-back ride through life on the shoulders of hard working taxpayers, but who may lack the requisite levels of dishonesty and reality avoidance, this stuff may be just the ticket, however!
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