H/T Marc
Thursday, 6 January 2011
Are you a Redneck..........
You might be a redneck if: It never occurred to you to
be offended by the phrase, 'One nation, under God..'
You might be a redneck if: You've never protested about seeing
the 10 Commandments posted in public places.
You might be a redneck if: You still say ' Christmas'
instead of 'Winter Festival.'
You might be a redneck if: You bow your head when
someone prays.
You might be a redneck if: You stand and place your
hand over your heart when they play the National Anthem
You might be a redneck if: You treat our armed forces
veterans with great respect, and always have.
You might be a redneck if: You've never burned an
American flag, nor intend to.
You might be a redneck if: You know what you believe
and you aren't afraid to say so, no matter who is listening.
You might be a redneck if: You respect your elders and
raised your kids to do the same.
You might be a redneck if: You'd give your last dollar to
a friend.
H/T Nebraska Bob
Chavs....
Q. What does a chav use as protection during sex?
A. The bus shelter.
Q. What do you call a 30-year-old chav?
A. Grandma.
Q. Why did the chav cross the road?
A. To start a fight with a complete stranger for no reason whatsoever.
Q. What do you call a chav in a white tracksuit?
A. The bride.
Q. What’s the first question during a chav quiz night?
A. What you looking at?
Q. Two chavs are in a car without any music, who is driving?
A. The policeman.
Q. What;s the difference between a chav boy and a chav girl?
A. The girl has a higher sperm count.
H/T Old Dude
PACIFIC OCEAN (Jan. 1, 2011) The aircraft carrier USS Carl Vinson (CVN 70) transits the Pacific Ocean. Carl Vinson and Carrier Air Wing (CVW) 17 are on a deployment to the U.S. 7th Fleet area of responsibility. (U.S. Navy photo by Mass Communication Specialist 3rd Class Christopher K. Hwang)
H/T Marc
News........
We're sunk. No wait, I mean cinq.
Why does Elizabeth Warren hate women and poor people?
Low Sperm Count: Why Male Fertility is Falling
Mascot Politics
Coffee spill causes diversion for US flight
Video: Steve Malzberg Interviews Jeff Kuhner – If The Truth Got Out About Obama There Would Be A Civil War
Muslim KFC Employee Foams At the Mouth After Customer Asks For Bacon…
Light Bulbs vs. The Nanny State
82-year-old Army veteran nabs accused thieves
Food costs hit record high
'Great Garbage Patch' in the Pacific Ocean not so great claim scientists
Pakistan brewery's beer battle with India
'World's most dangerous pest' found in bag of rice at LA airport
J-20 stealth fighter: can any conclusions can be drawn about China's fifth-generation fighter programme?
The Gazprom Cables: 'Not a Competitive Global Company'
and finally.......
The Ten Best Movie Trailers of 2010
7 big life decisions that sound awesome (until you do them)
2011's best new cruise ships
Ambiguities, Idiosyncrasies, and Wacky Questions
FOR THOSE WHO LOVE THE PHILOSOPHY OF AMBIGUITY, AS WELL AS THE IDIOSYNCRASIES OF ENGLISH:
DON'T SWEAT THE PETTY THINGS AND DON'T PET THE SWEATY THINGS.
ONE TEQUILA, TWO TEQUILA, THREE TEQUILA, FLOOR.
ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION.
WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?
IF A DEAF CHILD SIGNS SWEAR WORDS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH SOAP?
ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON'T TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.
DOES THE LITTLE MERMAID WEAR AN ALGEBRA?
DO INFANTS ENJOY INFANCY AS MUCH AS ADULTS ENJOY ADULTERY?
HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?
IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO?
IF YOU ATE BOTH PASTA AND ANTIPASTO, WOULD YOU STILL BE HUNGRY?
IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?
WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE WORD 'LISP' TO HAVE 'S' IN IT?
WHY ARE HEMORRHOIDS CALLED "HEMORRHOIDS" INSTEAD OF "ASSTEROIDS"?
WHY IS IT CALLED TOURIST SEASON IF WE CAN'T SHOOT AT THEM?
WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM?
IF YOU SPIN AN ORIENTAL PERSON IN A CIRCLE THREE TIMES, DO THEY BECOME DISORIENTED?
CAN AN ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GOD ?
WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?
WHY DO THEY LOCK GAS STATION BATHROOMS? ARE THEY AFRAID SOMEONE WILL CLEAN THEM?
IF A TURTLE DOESN'T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?
CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?
IF THE POLICE ARREST A MIME, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT?
WHY DO THEY PUT BRAILLE ON THE DRIVE-THROUGH BANK MACHINES?
HOW DO THEY GET DEER TO CROSS THE ROAD ONLY AT THOSE YELLOW ROAD SIGNS?
WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD?9. IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF, IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?
IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?
WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO "GET AWAY FROM IT ALL?"
WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGERED PLANT?
IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS WAGES?4. IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES, WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND APES?
THE MAIN REASON THAT SANTA IS SO JOLLY IS BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHERE ALL THE BAD GIRLS (AND BOYS) LIVE.
I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, "WHERE'S THE SELF-
HELP SECTION?" SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.
Wednesday, 5 January 2011
Splinters in Her Crotch
In considerable pain, she hurried to Mt. Carmel ER to see a doctor. She told him she was an environmentalist, a democrat, and an anti-hunter and how she came to get all the splinters. The doctor listened to her story with great patience and then told her to go wait in the examining room and he would see if he could help her.
She sat and waited three hours before the doctor reappeared. The angry woman demanded, "What took you so long?" He smiled and then told her, "Well, I had to get permits from the Environmental Protection Agency, the Forest Service, and the Bureau of Land Management before I could remove old-growth timber from a recreational area. I'm sorry, but due to Obama Care, they turned me down."
BOHICA - A cautionary tale...........from Rico
Consider this a cautionary tale for Americans. Let's call it B.O.H.I.C.A.*
Chavez's Venezuela recently "revalued" (downward) its currency.
The Governments of Argentina, Bulgaria, Fwance, Hungary and Ireland have all completed or begun private "pension" grabs, seeing a large pool of untapped funds to help solve their immediate problems (cash-poor and spend-thrift).
"Bbbbbbbbbb-but!" I hear you saying....U.S. Lawmakers regard the personal wealth-money-well being of Americans as sancrosanct (sacred for Democrat supporters)!
Yeah.
Riiiiiiiiiiiight!
Just like they respect and value our thoughts and opinions.
Get ready to grab your ankles and cheerily shout "BOHICA!!!!!!!!"
- If you want some KY, that'll be an extra charge.
*Rumored to have been coined as a term shortly after the first Congress convened, but certainly practiced diligently by Congress-critters upon the voting public ever since then, BOHICA may also have been the first Governmental acronym. It means Bend Over Here It Comes Again.
OH HELL !! ... Let's Offend Everybody !!!!!!
Q. What's the Cuban National Anthem?
A. Row, Row, Row Your Boat.
Q. Where does an Irish family go on vacation ?
A. A different bar.
Q. What do you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A. A speech impediment.
Q. Why aren't there any Puerto Ricans On Star Trek?
A. Because they're not going to work in the future either.
Q. What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A. The southern zoo has a description of the animal along with a recipe.
Q How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the 'F' word?
A. Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell, 'BINGO!'
Q. What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A. A northern fairytale begins, ....'Once upon a time...'
A southern fairytale begins,... 'Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit.'
H/T Shelly
Video: The Perfect Man
Second place and winner of the Audience Choice award in the 2010 Creemore Mocks Film Festival. Best Actress award for Donna Baylis. Best Actor nomination for Herman. This is an Ida Nowe Production.
The Perfect Man from Donna Baylis on Vimeo.
H/T Pete H
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