H/T Peter Gunn
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When private equity came for trailer parks
19 minutes ago
Sunday, 8 February 2009
Golf Humour....
A young man and a priest are playing together. At a short par-3 the priest asks, "What are you going to use on this hole my son? "
The young man says, "An 8-iron, father. How about you?"
The priest says, "I'm going to hit a soft seven and pray. "
The young man hits his 8-iron and puts the ball on the green.
The priest tops his 7-iron and dribbles the ball out a few yards.
The young man says, "I don't know about you father, but in my church, when we pray, we keep our head down."
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A golfer teed up his ball on the first tee, took a mighty swing and hit his ball into a clump of trees. He found his ball and saw an opening between two trees he thought he could hit through. Taking out his 3-wood, he took a mighty swing. The ball hit a tree, bounced back, hit him in the forehead and killed him.
As he approached the gates of Heaven, St. Peter asked, "Are you a good golfer?"
The man replied: "Got here in two, didn't I?"
H/T Old Dude
The Economic Situation.......from Rico.
This applies to both sides of the pond.
'The guy who 'called' the bursting of the 'tech' bubble and later the beginning-of-the-end of the 'housing' bubble JR Talbott has some distressing predictions.
- The housing slump has just begun. Expect 4-5 more years.
- We are not half-way through it yet, and won't be until we hit 1997 levels for housing prices.
What? He argues that housing prices remained 'flat' for about 120 years, began increasing in 1981, but surged out of proportion to everything else from 1997-2006. His arithmetic is hard to refute. His book "Contagion" is like reading Nostrodamus, except JR is more specific and accurate. It's hard to argue with a blistering annual 30% rate of decline for home prices.
January car sales dropped 37% in January '09, but that hides the REAL story. Chrysler sales down 55%, GM sales down 49%, and Ford sales down 40% (yeah...Toyota <32%>/Nissan<30%>/Honda<28%> have not been unscathed either).
So that's two big things, HOUSING and CARS that are in the tank and our politicians are full of rhetoric and considering indiscriminate spending (pork)...neither of which will get the job done. There will be no end-zone dance at the rate our elected 'economic geniuses' are moving...glacially (except when it is to the Left and in the wrong direction, of course). There is a slim-to-none chance of Washingtoon pulling the fat from the fire by the fiscal and monetary methods that are being tried now.
Short of CUTTING TAXES, and CUTTING THE SIZE OF GOVERNMENT the Carter years are going to seem like loads-o-fun!'
H/T Rico
The Sunday Best....
Expenses row: 'Lodger' deal earns Jacqui Smith £100,000 as she claims sister's house is main home. Thieving bitch.
Troubled RBS wants to pay staff £1bn bonus after taxpayers' £20bn bail-out. No way.
Death threats made to Carol Thatcher over 'golliwog' row, her agent claims. The BBC are being assholes, as usual.
President Blair: Former PM set to become EU chief as Sarkozy battles to win him the post. That should guarantee our leaving the EU.
MoD accused of wasting money after producing 33-page guide on dealing with transsexuals in the Armed Forces. Is there a single brain cell in the MoD?
The SS Grit Britain is on its way: Tons of road salt shipped here as more heavy snow is predicted. Six inches is not heavy snow.
Sleaze, spin and how the Obamas are already turning into Tony and Cherie Blair. As predicted. No wonder Blair met Obama first they are cut from the same sleazy cloth.
Snow surrender - I saw no roaming polar bears or ravening timber wolves, just the final proof that our nation is now as soft as slush. Couldn't agree more.
Britain under attack from 20 foreign spy agencies including France and Germany. And the Home Office is too incompetent to stop them.
British teenagers have lower IQs than their counterparts did 30 years ago. The correct phrase is 'thick as s**t'.
CIA warns Barack Obama that British terrorists are the biggest threat to the US. And an even bigger threat to us.
Joe Biden tells Munich conference: 'US will talk to Iran and ally with Russia against terror'. Clueless klutz.
French fighter planes grounded by computer virus. Atchooo....
Bankers 'used corporate credit cards to pay for prostitutes'. Why is this no surprise.
Barack Obama endures most difficult week since taking office. And it was only week 3.
Gordon Brown's been shamed and scorned - and upstaged by Tony Blair. He is finished. How much longer will he hang about wrecking Britain.
The BBC just carries on giving offence. The TV licence will be gone soon. They can no longer justify it.
Spy centre will track you on holiday. People can still afford holidays!!
Obama puts brake on Afghan surge. That is because he wants to cut back the military. He cannot do it and increase troop numbers in Afghanistan. Troops are still needed in Iraq for a while.
Netanyahu stokes fears to take poll lead. Israel needs to stay strong.
Researchers Develop "Brain-Controlled" Wheelchair Robotic Arm. Let's have robotic mice for us bloggers.
the Clarkypoos bit......
BMW 730d SE.
Little Jimmy May.....
So who is The Stig?
and the Hamster.
No one can afford to buy a real car now: Richard Hammond alive and kicking
ATM Procedures....
A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads: "Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through teller machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts. After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE procedures have been developed. Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender.
MALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.mvpro4.jpg
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.
FEMALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Reinsert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and reenter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.
18. Recheck makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty handbag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided.
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Redial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release Parking Brake.
H/T DML
Saturday, 7 February 2009
Silly....
'My girlfriend did a 24-hour charity hairdressing marathon.
By the end she was completely lacquered.'
H/T Liz B
Adjusting to PALM SPRINGS......
May 30th:
Just moved to PALM SPRINGS with the help of John & Bob...Now this is a state that knows how to live!! Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. What a place! It was beautiful. I've finally found my home. I love it here.
June 14th:
Really heating up. Got to 100 today. Not a problem. Live in an air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to see the sun everyday like this. I'm turning into a sun worshipper.
June 30th:
Had the backyard landscaped with western plants today. Lots of cactus and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing lawn for me. Another scorcher today, but I love it here.
July 10th:
The temperature hasn't been below 100 all week. How do people get used to this kind of heat? At least it's kind of windy though. But getting used to the heat is taking longer than I expected.
July 15th:
Fell asleep by the community pool.(Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body). Missed 3 days of work. What a dumb thing to do. I learned my lesson though. Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.
July 20th:
I missed Lomita (my cat) sneaking into the car when I left this morning. By the time I got to the hot car at noon, Lomita had died and swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and stank up the upholstery. The car now smells like Kibbles and shits. I learned my lesson though. No more pets in this heat.
July 25th:
The wind sucks. It feels like a giant freaking blow dryer!! And it's hot as Hell. The home air-conditioner is on the fritz and the AC repairman charged $200 just to drive by and tell me he needed to order parts.
July 30th:
Been sleeping outside on the patio for 3 nights now. $225,000 house and I can't even go inside. Why did I ever come here?
Aug. 4th:
It's 115 degrees. Finally got the air-conditioner fixed today. It cost $500 and gets the temperature down to 85. I hate this stupid state.
Aug. 8th:
If another wise ass cracks, "Hot enough for you today?" I'm going to strangle him. Damn heat. By the time I get to work the radiator is boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet, and I smell like baked cat!!
Aug. 9th:
Tried to run some errands after work. Wore shorts, and when I sat on the seats in the car. I thought my ass was on fire. I lost 2 layers of flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs and ass. Now my car smells like burnt hair, fried ass, and baked cat.
Aug. 10th:
The weather report might as well be a damn recording. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. It's been too hot to do shit for 2 damn months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week. Doesn't it ever rain in this damn desert?? Water rationing will be next, so my $1700 worth of cactus will just dry up and blow over. Even the cactus can't live in this damn heat
Aug. 14th:
Welcome to HELL!!! Temperature got to 115 today. Forgot to crack the window and blew the damn windshield out of the car. The installer came to fix it and said, "Hot enough for you today?" My sister had to spend $1500 to bail me out of jail. Freaking Palm Springs. What kind of a sick demented idiot would want to live here??
H/T Shelly
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