Monday, 9 March 2009
Sunday, 8 March 2009
Virus Advice......
The Centers for Disease Control has issued a medical alert about a highly contagious, potentially dangerous virus that is transmitted orally, by hand, and even electronically. This virus is called Weary Overload Recreational Killer (WORK). If you receive WORK from your boss, any of your colleagues, or anyone else via any means whatsoever - DO NOT TOUCH IT. This virus will wipe out your private life completely. If you should come into contact with WORK you should immediately leave the premises.
Take two good friends to the nearest grocery store and purchase one or both of the antidotes - Work Isolating Neutralizer Extract (WINE) and Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter (BEER). Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.
H/T Bruce H
Interesting facts.......
IF you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it.)
If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
(Now that's more like it ! I wonder how many bombs I've made so far?!)
The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet...
(O.M.G.!)
A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
(In my next life, I want to be a pig.)
A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy.)
(I'm still not over the pig.)
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour
(Don't try this at home, maybe at work)
The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body.
The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off..
(Honey, I'm home. What the...?!)
The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.
(30 minutes.. Lucky pig! Can you imagine?)
The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)
Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)
Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something I always wanted to know.)
The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
(Hmmmmmm......)
Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.
(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)
Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
(Okay, so that would be a good thing)
A cat's urine glows under a black light.
(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.....
( I know some people like that.)
Starfish have no brains
(I know some people like that too.)
Polar bears are left-handed.
(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer)
Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(What about that pig??)
H/T DML
Top ten reasons investing is like sex.....
1. Some like it long, some like it short.
2. You can study the market as much as you like, but it all comes down to luck.
3. Those who talk about it the most, have the least experience.
4. One simple mistake could lead to 18 unprofitable years.
5. Some prefer to sit back and watch it grow.
6. Terms include swing trading, asset turnover, naked call, after hours, insider trading, silent partner, blind entries, 30-day wash rule, straddle, triangles, descending tops, ascending bottoms, pump and dump, partial surrender, stop order, position limit, voluntary liquidation, and explicit interest.
7. Low confidence can keep you out of the market.
8. Everyone tends to focus on performance.
9. Some do it alone, others do it with a group, and some hire professionals, and the best reason …
10. Some positions are better than others and the best position is always up for debate!
And remember, past performance is not necessarily indicative of future results.
H/T DML
You Know You're from Florida if...
Socks are only for bowling.
You never use an umbrella because you know the rain will be over in five minutes.
A good parking place has nothing to do with distance from the store, but everything to do with shade.
Your winter coat is made of denim.
You can tell the difference between fire ant bites and mosquito bites.
You're younger than thirty but some of your friends are over 65.
Anything under 70 is chilly.
You pass on the right and honk at the elderly, but pull over for a funeral.
You've driven through Yeehaw Junction.
You could swim before you could read.
You have to drive north to get to The South.
You know that no other grocery store can compare to Publix.
Every other house in your neighborhood had blue roofs in 2004-2005.
You've gotten out of school early on Halloween to trick or treat before it got dark
You know that anything under a Category 3 just isn't worth waking up for.
You dread lovebug season.
You are on a first name basis with the Hurricane list. They aren't Hurricane Charley, Hurricane Frances... but Charley , Frances , Ivan and Jeanne.
You know what a snowbird is and you hate them.
You know why flamingos are pink.
You think a six-foot alligator is actually pretty average.
You were twelve before you ever saw snow, or you still haven't.
"Down South" means Key West.
"Panhandling" means going to Pensacola.
You think no-one over 70 should be allowed to drive.
Flip-flops are everyday wear.
Shoes are for business meetings and church.
No, wait, flip flops are good for church too, unless it's Easter or Christmas.
Sweet tea can be served at any meal.
An alligator once walked through your neighborhood.
You smirk when a game show's "Grand Prize" is a trip or cruise to Florida
You measure distance in minutes.
You have a drawer full of bathing suits, and one sweatshirt.
You get annoyed at the tourists who feed seagulls.
All the local festivals are named after a fruit.
A mountain is any hill 100 feet above sea level.
You think everyone from a bigger city has a northern accent.
You know the four seasons really are: almost summer, summer, not summer but really hot, and February.
It's not soda, cola, or pop. it's coke, regardless of brand or flavor, "What kinda coke you want?"
Anything under 95 is just warm.
You've hosted a hurricane party.
You go to a theme park for an afternoon, and know when to get on the best rides.
You understand the futility of exterminating cockroaches.
You can pronounce Okeechobee, Kissimmee , Ichnatucknee and Withlacoochee
You understand why it's better to have a friend with a boat, than have a boat yourself.
Bumper stickers on the pickup in front of you include: various fish, NRA, Nascar and Go Gators.
You were 5 before you realized they made houses without pools.
You were 25 when you first met someone who couldn't swim.
You get angry when people say " Florida isn't really part of the SOUTH."
You've worn shorts and used the A/C on Christmas.
You know what the "stingray shuffle" is, and why it's important!
You recognize Miami-Dade as " Northern Cuba ".
It's a perfect 72 degrees outside, but you run the A/C just to keep mildew from growing on your shoes.
H/T DML
The Sunday Best....
British Muslim leader urged to quit over Gaza. Kick him out of Britain.
Apologise for the recession? Brown's credit crunch tantrum at 30,000ft. He is certifiable.
Two soldiers killed in drive-by shooting as terror returns to Northern Ireland. Find the attackers and hang them.
Taxpayer underwrites another £260billion of 'toxic' loans as State takes over Lloyds. This is getting silly.
Bank of England to 'print' first £2billion this week. A stupid idea.
Grieving Morgan Tsvangirai leaves hospital as allies demand probe into crash that killed wife. Mugabe must be held to accoount for this.
Mail on Sunday readers raise an incredible £500k in just five days to save world’s last flying Vulcan bomber. Job done.
Scrap 'ludicrous' rise in TV licence fee, say Tories. Better still scrap the licence altogether.
Censored, the Tory MP who called for Speaker Martin to be replaced. Martin should be sacked.
Why do we honour those who loathe Britain? Good question.
Calls for inquiry over fresh torture claims by Binyam Mohamed. Another one who should be deported.
Speaker Michael Martin's staff follow their boss and hail a taxi. Make them walk.
Speed limit on rural roads to be cut to 50mph. Why?
Barack Obama 'too tired' to give proper welcome to Gordon Brown. What a piss poor excuse.
President Barack Obama declares America should be ready to talk to the Taliban. The Taleban cannot be negociated with. This will only encourage them.
Lahore attack heralds spread of Taliban-trained groups to Pakistani heartlands. Someone had better start working out how to 'protect' Pakistans nukes.
British commander in Iraq declares 'mission accomplished'. Took long enough.
Honouring Ted Kennedy is an insult to IRA's victims. Well said.
The EU will have to surrender to survive. The EU will not survive the depression.
Only incompetence will save us from Orwell's surveillance state. Luckily imcompentence is something the government is really good at.
MoD faces battle on troops’ rights. WTF!!
RAF pilot wins Distinguished Flying Cross. Brave lad.
Mao veterans call for a liberal China. Progress.
Disaster Dubya - they miss him already. He will be remembered well.
Why your grandchildren may not see this. Britain's countryside is in trouble.
....the Clarkypoos bit.
Class A cocoa, the powder of choice on my crock’n’roll tour.
Toyota iQ.
and little Jimmy May
A giant leap for Formula One.
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Saturday, 7 March 2009
Dispute Between Neighbours - this is a true story...
A town councillor in Wales, Mark Easton, had a beautiful view of the mountains, until a new neighbour purchased the land below his house and built a new home.
The new home was 18 inches higher than the planning dept had approved, so Mark Easton, mad about his lost view, went to the local authority to make sure they enforced the roof line height.
The new neighbour had to drop the roof height, at great expense.
Recently, Mark Easton called the planning dept, and informed them that his new neighbour had installed some vents on the side of his new property.
Mark didn’t like the look of these vents and asked the planning dept to investigate.
When they went to Mark’s home to see what the vents looked like, this is what they found… 
H/T Pete Hurrell
