Tuesday, 7 April 2009
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Light News.....
Up to 200 mosques in Mecca may be facing the WRONG way for prayers. So they have been pointing their asses at Allah!!
'Torture' brothers suspected of previous attacks. Lock them and their parents up.
Home Office in new pornography embarrassment. No wonder they are a shambles they are all watching porn all day.
The USS Theodore Roosevelt anchors in Stokes Bay near Portsmouth. Too much to hope it is here to remove Brown.
Barack Obama: US 'will never be at war with Islam'. Already is!
N Korea test justifies our missiles, says Iran. No. It justifies an airstrike.
Poll reveals huge public backlash over MPs' expenses. Sack 'em all. Time for fresh faces, preferably ones with IQs bigger than their shoe size.
Pentagon unveils large cuts to defence budget. As predicted. Obama wants to neuter America. Both the US and Uk need to expand their military's 'cos trouble is brewing.
A spark that may light the Sudan tinderbox. The UN is about to get a whole lot more blood on it's hands.
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I apologize Obama!........by Rico
I must apologize to the COTUS* Obama!
I was so horribly wrong. It is scant comfort that the media was also wrong (that is what they do best...get it "wrong" whether accidentally or on purpose).
To even 'think' that Obama was genuflecting to the King of Saudia is scandalous! (Though NOT as much so as a friend of mine who suggested that our MOTUS** was actually preparing to give the good King some oral pleasure.)
NO. I WAS WRONG I SAY TO YOU ALL!!!!!
Obama was merely assuming the proper position when preparing to talk out of his ass (this time sans teleprompter).
Mea culpa. Mea maxima culpa.
note: Where POTUS used to be the acronym for President of the United States, I am torn between two better descriptors for Obama.
* COTUS - Commissar of the US
** MOTUS - Metrosexual of the US
Sounds familiar.....
Fresh out of business school, the young man answered a want ad for an accountant. Now he was being interviewed by a very nervous man who ran a small business that he had started himself.
"I need someone with an accounting degree," the man said, "But mainly, I'm looking for someone to do my worrying for me."
"Excuse me?" the accountant said.
"I worry about a lot of things," the man said.
"But I don't want to have to worry about money. Your job will be to take all the money worries off my back."
"I see," the accountant said, "And how much does the job pay?"
"I'll start you at eighty thousand."
"Eighty thousand dollars!" the accountant exclaimed, "How can such a small business afford a sum like that?"
"That," the owner said, "is your first worry."
H/T DML
Monday, 6 April 2009
Missile shield a la Obama......by Rico
This has the potential to NOT end well.
When a midget and pipsqueek Communist tyrant feels free to challenge the TOTUS, and actually appears to be a bigger man than the TOTUS (hard to believe, I know...but by any measure he well may be, which isn't saying very much about either of them), well, you'd have to be delusional and massively medicated with a large lithium-thorazine cocktail to think otherwise.
Stuttering idiot Obama's "missile shield" ...won't..uh....well...ah, er...uh...humma...um..." quite get the job done that needs to be done.
The next level of intimidation to come from our MOTUS (Metrosexual of the US) will probably be a threat to say something really harsh to 'Lil Kim (NO Obama, not the singer you like) next time. 
Rowing backwards financially.....from Rico
It is really not much of a surprise, given that the 'reality' our MOTUS Obama sees is exactly the opposite of what any sane adult person might conclude, to see him rowing the national boat not only in the wrong direction but backwards (financially).
This guy is clueless, but that's exactly why George Soros wanted him where he is today.
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News....
Teachers report widespread abuse. It was the teaching unions that 'abolished' discipline in schools. Now they are whining about the consequences.
UK deficit 'more than predicted'. Actually it was predicted by everyone with any brains. Sadly that excludes the Socialist rabble running this country.
The schoolboy 'torturers': Police quiz two children as boys, 9 and 11, are slashed, burned and thrown into 30ft ditch. WTF! Name them and prosecute their parents.
Back again: Deported twice but Algerian bag thief saunters in to Britain for the SECOND time in two years. What do customs do all day?
I'll lead us to a nuke-free world, promises Obama hours after North Korea fires long-range missile. He is without doubt the most dangerous idiot on the planet. He is going to get into a full scale world war.
British troops fear for fate of mascot Sandbag the dog who could be killed when they leave Iraq. Bring him home. Customs will never notice.
Second tragedy for Tsvangirai as his two-year-old grandson drowns in his swimming pool. One accident maybe, but two?
Firefighters told to use poles to test fire alarms... as stepladders 'are too dangerous'. Next they will be banned from using hoses 'cos they are heavy!!!!
Archbishop of York calls for St George's Day to be 'unifying' public holiday. This guy should be head of the Church of England. Sadly as he is not some pansy-assed liberal his chances are slim.
Paul Boateng to leave Cape Town after bullying claims. He has always been an odious creep.
Barack Obama goes ahead with missile defence shield despite disarmament pledge. A spot of self-preservation as DC is a likely target.
Hay fever 'could be cured by sex'. Why do I see a lot of hayfever sufferers testing this theory all summer long.
UN fails to reach accord on North Korea rocket launch. The UN fails at everything. We should quit.
Somali pirates 'capture' 20,000-tonne German ship. We must start hitting their bases.
Barack Obama can't make rogues like North Korea play by his rules. He is a fantasist.
Leave Turkey’s bid to join EU to us, Nicolas Sarkozy warns Barack Obama. Sarko would do well in the UK.
and finally....
Tip Of The Day: Never tick off a guy that owns a backhoe. (H/T JMH)
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Airline Announcements
United Flight Attendant announced, 'People, people we're not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!
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On landing, the stewardess said, 'Please be sure to take all of your belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have. '
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'There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane'
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An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a 'Thanks for flying our airline.' He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane.
She said, 'Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?'
'Why, no, Ma'am,' said the pilot. 'What is it?'
The little old lady said, 'Did we land, or were we shot down?'
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As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Ronald Reagan, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: 'Whoa, big fella, WHOA!'
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After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced, 'Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because sure as hell everything has shifted after a landing like that.'
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Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: 'We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal.'
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Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo , Texas on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, 'Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo . Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!'
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'Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and, in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments.'
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'As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses......except for that gentleman over there.'
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Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake City . The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, 'That was quite a bump, and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault, it was the asphalt.'
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After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix , the attendant came on with, 'Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Capt. Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal.'
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Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: 'We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of US Airways.'
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Heard on a Southwest Airline flight - 'Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing and if you can light 'em, you can smoke 'em.'
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A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport . After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, 'Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles . The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax... OH, MY GOD!' Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, 'Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry i f I scared you earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!'
A passenger in Coach yelled, 'That's nothing. You should see the back of mine!'
H/T Nebraska Bob
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